We had a very bad divorce and I know his family hates me. I know my kids need to go and I want them to go. The kids are old enough to drive themselves. I'm just not sure if I should go or not.
2007-04-03 04:51:51 · 52 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"Hate" is probably too strong of a word. There are some bad feelings there and I just don't want to cause stress on any of them. I just want to do the right thing.
2007-04-03 05:01:12 · update #1
That is something you have to decide for yourself but I am sure opinions of others will help make the right one in the end. You know the situation with the ex's family better than people on here but I would say that if you think that it will add a lot of stress on the family of the deceased and your children are old enough to go alone then I would say maybe it is best you don't attend. Just send flowers and sympathy card. At least you are acknowledging thier loss. If you and the grandfather got along and you cared about him then maybe you should consider going with one of your children. Good luck and may you make the right choice for yourself and the family. Oh yes, another thing you might consider is ask the advice of your children since I am sure they know how things are between you and thier fathers family. See what they think would be the right thing for you to do.
2007-04-03 05:18:06 · answer #1 · answered by susie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If everything had been amicable in the divorce I would say go but since it seems not and the kids are old enough to go alone then maybe send a card of condolance with them and stay home. It will be a very stressful day as it is for the family. I know you may feel it is something you want to do but you just need to accept that it may not be something you should do.
2007-04-03 04:59:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow- that's a touchy one! I think you need to ask yourself a few questions- did you have a good relationship with this man when he was alive? If the answer to that is no, then I wouldn't go. If the answer is yes, then you need to ask yourself if your presence at his funeral will be painful or upsetting to his family. I can understand your wanting to pay respects to someone you truly cared for, but not if it's going to make the day more stressful for his family. Maybe you should talk it over with your ex, and abide by his decision. If you cared for the deceased you can always visit his grave in a few weeks with some flowers.
2007-04-03 05:07:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though the kids can drive themselves, you still should go to the funeral. You may not want to sit with the family, or visit with them after the funeral, but do go and pay your respects. Also, your children are blood relatives to the deceased and they should sit with the family, whether you do so or not. This is a touchy situation, but you can work your way through it, if you stay calm.
2007-04-03 05:03:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You didn't say how long you were married nor how well you knew his grand pa. Nor did you say how you liked his grandpa.
Basically you go to a funeral to pay your respects to the person who is deceased. If I wanted to go, I would. I would not plan on sitting with the family and there is a good chance they won't even know you are there. Depending upon the relations of your children with their father, they would probably sit with the family.
2007-04-03 05:17:05 · answer #5 · answered by don n 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it were me, and the family 'hated' me, I wouldn't go to the funeral. He’s no longer your family member. Leave his family alone to deal with their grief. If you go, it’s likely just going to end up causing a bunch of stress and maybe even a big scene (even if you’re not the one to start it). How disrespectful that would be to the deceased.
Let the kids go on their own.
2007-04-03 05:00:36 · answer #6 · answered by kp 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only you can gauge whether your presence might make everyone angry.
I think the best thing would be for you to go with the kids but drive separately, walk in & offer your condolences to your ex (or to whichever family member is most likely to accept them graciously), then leave, allowing the kids to stay & mourn with that part of their family.
2007-04-03 05:08:23 · answer #7 · answered by Maureen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is bad blood between you and the family, don't go.
This is a time for them and has nothing to do with you. If the kids can drive they are old enough to go on their own.
If you feel you need to express sympathy then send a card later.
2007-04-03 04:57:38 · answer #8 · answered by nailgal2005 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion if you know the family hates you and the kids are old enough to take themselves I would have them go without you.
2007-04-03 04:55:12 · answer #9 · answered by kimnwi 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should go. My grandmother passed away last year and my mother went. There were hard feelings when my mom and dad divorced 20 years ago, but everyone was grateful that my mother showed up to the funeral to give her last respects.
2007-04-03 05:34:27 · answer #10 · answered by E! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋