Changing my name...?

Question

Okay, so I understand the origins of the woman must change her name, but it's just tradition these days. I've been trying to decide whether or not I want to change my name. On one hand, I was told since I was a little girl "when you grow up you're last name will change when you find a man...blah blah blah" You know, the 'normal' crap mothers shoot their children with and then of course, my partner makes this silly face when I tell him I might take his name. I know he wants me to and would feel bad if I didn't. He said he was excited to call me Mrs. Whatever, but isn't marrying him enough?

My name is part of my identity. Why should I have to give that up? It's like losing a part of my self and like he is sort of absorbing me into the 'family name' identity. I know, it's just a name, but it's my name! I've had it all my life besides, I think it'll be a pain to go changing my name even if it just requires a marriage cert.

What did you or your partner do? Why? How did you feel?

Children are not an issue. I refuse to procreate.

Valerie, I think you missed the point of my question. I said it is tradition, but I'm conflicted about it. As for the wedding, it's an entirely different tradition and I have different reasons for participating. And my other questions? A lot of them are jokes. You are right, but one must amuse herself.

Answer 1

My husband is a military member, so changing my name simply made things easier in that area (if you know ANYTHING about the military, you'll understand! LOL).

I was quite happy to take my husband's name. I don't think that a person's name is necessarily a part of their identity per se; it does not "define" you...it simply gives you something by which to be called.

If you want, how about hyphenating your maiden name and your married name?
Like, Jane Smith becomes Jane Smith-Michaels.
Its certainly an option.

Answer 2

I went through this very thing. Because he is younger than I, he had no real opinion "Do whatever you feel comfortable with"

After a few months of happiness, after the birth of our triplets, I did the paperwork. I said nothing. I let him see the social security card in the mailbox.

When he smiled, and asked me what changed my mind, I said "I'm proud to be your wife!"

You have to do what feels right; just don't make a big negative fuss if you choose to keep your name, ok? That is offensive.

Answer 3

Can you just use your maiden name as your middle name?

My fiance said he'd be ok with me keeping my name, but I wouldn't even consider that. I am taking his name despite the fact that I love my last name. In my mind, once we're married, we are one family, and should therefore have the same last name.

You'll have to decide what's right for you and your relationship, but if this would hurt him, I don't know how you could disregard that.

Answer 4

I changed my name, and was happy to do so; it was never a question. New life, new name. However, I see your point, and you can always hyphenate your name so you do not lose you name or identity. Remember that when you have children you will all want to share the same family name!

Answer 5

I was just recently married 8 months ago and my husband and I went through the same thing. I felt the same way as you did. I had to speak with my granny to really get the understanding of what it actually meant to have my name changed. I thought I have to change all my credit cards and birth cert, ssn card and that seemed overwhelming to me...

I spoke to him about it and he didn't care he wanted me to have his name... We both talked about it and he explained that he and I were both becoming one... and that name thing meant the world to him to have me use it....He calls me Mrs.. all the time....I feel great and i'm glad i did it!

Answer 6

Every question you answer you sound like a complete and utter b!+$h, thank God you have chosen not to procreate.

I also don't think you are really a female.....you sound like a bitter man in drag.

LOSER.

By the way, if you aren't into "traditions" why the hell are you getting married????? After all, its just a tradition. You sound like a complete idiot. I don't think you have much life experience either....you are very immature sounding.

Answer 7

It's your choice, I felt exactly the way u do, i did not change my name, and i see no problem in that.. me n my husband are still family...wen i have kids (if i have them), they can take their father's name, i have no problem. but my name is my identity...i don't see any reason for this tradition....I m from India, and here traditions are more rigid, yet i really did not face too many raised eyebrows.....u can have his name as ur middle name, if that wot u want, i considered it too, but then decided against it...BTW, I M PROUD TO BE MY HUSBAND'S WIFE too.....please do wot U feel comfortable with, Its ur name, ur life, ur choice..

Answer 8

I never had a middle name so when I married I just added his name. You can hyphenate or just drop your middle name and use your maiden name as your middle name

Answer 9

What is wrong with hyphenating? That way you have your name and your husband's. It's the best of both worlds and is socially accepted everywhere.

Answer 10

changing ur name is only natural and bibical and refusing to procreate makes u a selfish person, if u re mother had refused like u re doing now, how on earth would u ve come forth and existed???????