what can I do to change?

Question

Okay, my life is in turbine right now. I am so angry all the time that I can just explode.
I have 2 children and a fiancee. I don't yell at the kids I snap at them about fighting, but that's it. I dont yell at fiancee, unless he starts yelling first..... so what's the problem eh?
Well the anger is so pent up that I feel like exploding. I shake and quiver. I find myself thinking horrible thoughts of myself. I keep reliving everything bad from the past..... A lifetime of abuse frome parents and exes. How can I get past all this?
The latest that happened that turned me around was I recently had a hysterectomy. I came home from the hospital and started hopusework within an hour of being home. Well now my bladder collapsed again and I have to repeat that part of the surgery.
I cant help but think that if my fiancee really loved me I would have been able to rest properly. He went through eye surgery and I took care of him for 6 months.... He just lied around soaking up the attenion.

Answer 1

Mother's has one of the hardest jobs in the world you are moding a human to be a good person. A lot of times mother's don't always have time for them selves. You need some me time everyday. Even if it is only for 10 minutes you need that time to regroup and to refresh. As each week goes pass give your self another 5 to 10 minutes until you get to an hour. Then have a talk with your finace and let him know what part he needs to play in helping you get time for your self. If you are sick you are no good to your family. You have to take care of your self in order to take care of anyone else. You are like most mother's stressed out and have no outlet. So you scream when you can which is not often. You hold in a lot of things that should be out. You need to work on you. I suggest that you go to the docotor and see what they can do to help you. Even if that is the only way you can get some time to yourself then take it. If you have to wait till he comes home every day and leave and sit out side for a little while then take it.
I am sorry that you are going through all this. All of this is coming from stress. I am a mother of four and just strated doing a writing journal for my doctor which does help. You can do it to start journaling about your problems, issues, about your feelings, your likes, your dislikes etc... The best thing you can do is go to a doctor you really just need someone to talk to. Someone that will understand and can help you. Some time to your self.
Good luck to you, Hang in there you will over come this.

Answer 2

Sorry to hear you just had surgery, I am sure you need time to heal.

I think that it will help you to set boundaries and expectations for your fiancee and family. If you need time to rest, make sure you tell everyone that you need the rest then tell them exactly what they can do to help you in your time of need. I know they may not do what you ask, but at least your needs are known. Many times it just makes you feel better to be listened to and understood.

As far as the pent up anger, I would suggest keeping a journal of your thoughts, trying yoga, or spending some time meditating on your feelings. If you go through your thoughts quietly, sometimes you can figure out what all the emotion stems from. You have a right to have feelings and express them-you don't have to suppress it. Let yourself feel the feelings and then try to make sense of why you feel the way you do. Once you know what you are feeling, work on getting some of that out of your system.

Also, I found this incredible book very helpful, it is called "The Language of Letting Go". It has a page to read each day to help you make sense of your feelings. Best of luck to you, and above all else, take care of yourself.

Answer 3

He should have helped you, sounds like my hubby... he didn't help after the birth of our son either. Said it was my job. Your angry cuz you have a right to be, but beyond that you need to talk to a therapist or the anger will eat you up inside. If you don't want to; talk to a friend you trust or a family member. Probably best though to talk to a dr. As soon as your well, take some time for yourself, go out, join a gym, join a bowling league or something that will give you time everyweek to get away from everything and relax.

Answer 4

The most important way that I have found to change in my life is simply practicing being different.
When I would get angry, I remind myself that this is my anger, if I didn't have this anger inside me, no one would be able to trigger it. So taking responsibility is important too. As far as allowing people to look after us in times of difficulty, physical or otherwise, this is quite hard for most of us. We tend to need to control our surroundings and we actually block others from helping. An example. I am self employed, on the road alot and the sole support of my family, my partner at this one time wouldn't do anything around the house, not cleaning, not cooking or anything, I came home one night after driving and working all day at around 7:30, I walked into a filthy house and to the question of whats for dinner. I lost it. So the next day I told my family that from now on I would stay home and cook and clean for them and not work. Six weeks later when there was no money for food, mortgage, nothing, I finally asked my family what they would prefer, a stay at home mom, or food on the table. They all agreed to do their share and that was the beginnng of much better times. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

Anger comes from three sources....1. being hurt, 2. being afraid, 3. being irratated.

Sounds like you have a combination of all three working in you.
Do whatever you can to find a counselor...does not have to be a high priced psychologist....but find someone. If you have a church there may be counselors there...
Also what is your personality type? There are 16 types and each will handle conflict differently!!
If you don't know your type go to http://www.personality-power-for-everyday-living.com and learn which you are....then study that site to see if you can determine how your type is pre-disposed to handle conflict, relationships, parenting, etc....Your mate/partner needs to understand his type also so that both of you can optimize your interpersonal communication...without it things can remain very difficult.
All the best!

Answer 6

It's extremely hard to tell you how to change, but to the fiancee love part, it depends on the person. You came hone and started to get back to work, he probably thought that was how you wanted it. I'm sure he loves you. The only thing with your past is to move on and focus on the present, you might have a mind form of depression, you should probably be evaluated.

Answer 7

It sounds like some of your anger stems from feeling like you take care of everybody else but nobody takes care of you. I think it's time for you to take a break and do something for yourself for a change.We all need to feel special and I think you need that in your life right now. Don't wait for someone else to do it for you. Leave the kids with the fiance one day and tell them you have a few appointments and things you need to take care of. Take the day and unwind, get a massage, have your nails done or whatever you enjoy doing that relaxes you and makes you feel special. You deserve it.

Answer 8

You try to get help and let your fiancee know that you need him now more than ever...good luck sweetie.

Answer 9

Get some excercise and sun. Both of these will make your mood better.