Should I feel guilty about having a Stay At Home Husband?

Question

I'm in a role reversal marriage where my husband stays home and I am sole breadwinner. He is fulfilling the role of homemaker doing the cooking, cleaning, etc. The arrangement is working well, but people tend to judge us and think he is lazy, etc. This is not true. Should I feel guilty about our arrangement? What are your thoughts?

Answer 1

Although you are the "bread winner" of the family make sure he knows that he is still the "head of the Houshold". I recently learned (we were in this same situation for a year) that I did not give enough weight to my husbands need to "take care of" his family.

You need to stop those people in their tracks when they start to belittle your husband you need to rave about how great he is, what a strong person he is to be doing that job, how thoughtful and kind he is, how no matter who puts the paycheck in the bank the money is still for the family that is headed by him.

Don't get me wrong that is not to say that you aren't working your tail off but know that although you are he is too. Stay at home parents really don't get enough credit for all the work that they do.

Answer 2

Lots of couples do this. What business is it of anybodys how and what you and your family does? These people don't pay your bills, dont worry about what they think. If they called a housewife/mother lazy that would be stupid some as a househusband/father you cant be lazy and being a stay at home parent. Why would you feel guilty about something so smart? If you make more then your husband or about the same amount why shouldn't he stay at home and raise the kids? Thats part of whats wrong with kids now a days, most of them didn't have a stay at home parent. They run the streets and did whatever they wanted too because mom and dad were both working. If your going to have kids then staying at home to be a parent is lazy or anything to feel guilty about.Breeding children for others to babysit or to run the streets and do want they want is!

Answer 3

I think it is great! As far as people judging you...sounds like those are not the kind of people you would want to associate with or allow into your life anyway. Funny how it has become so natural and second nature for everyone to think the woman has to stay home and take care of the kids, or house, etc. I personally know of many men who would love to be in a situation like this...and would not give it a second worry what anyone, including friends or family thought about it. Bottom line is that if you and your hubby are happy with this arrangement...that is all that matters!

Answer 4

Of course you shouldn't feel guilty! If the arrangement that you have works for you, that's what counts. What other people think shouldn't matter to you. It's too bad that they think he's lazy, but they need to just mind their own business and stop judging!

I can't think of anything, but maybe you could come up with a clever (but not nasty!) comment that you could say when someone insinuates that he's lazy. Of course you could just say, "Well, this works well for us." and then smile. Nothing more really needs to be said.

Answer 5

Why should you feel guilty? Your husband is doing an important job of raising the children. Why listen to people who don't care about your children? You should feel proud that you are able to have this arrangement. It is working well for you. This is your marriage and your family; tell everyone else to mind their own business and worry about what their own children and husband are doing.

Answer 6

You should definitely communicate. Never fear to Ask. Better now or Wait until there are pent up emotions. But remember to do it, the talking thing, carefully not to offend him or arouse his anger or frustrations in any way. Like, "Honey, I would just like to discuss something with you, if it won't bother you very much, I've been thinking lately, and seeing you being a stay home father, do you mind, in some ways, please tell me honey, do not hesitate if you have something to say." The best possible answer would be "No, honey, i love you, and i know you've been very helpful and I'm grateful" otherwise the worst would be you discovering him having a job tomorrow

Answer 7

NO! I have the same arrangement and love it. Well, except since I'm pregnant and about to drop soon, he picked up a good job for when I take off work.

Don't let ANYONE judge you or your family. Do what's best for you and yours. You're lucky to have such a wonderful husband. Some women have kids and the fathers disappear (even if they are married).

Answer 8

Well, I personally think most men would eventually feel unfulfilled in that role. You didn't mention if you have kids. If not, I think it's odd for him not to work. If so, I think long term it's better that they see their dad work to support them. I would also give your husband "permission" to say if he's really happy or not. If you have a strong personality, he may be shying away from telling you that he'd rather be at work. He might want to be supportive and encouraging of your career and be afraid that he'll be the one feeling guilty if he goes back to work. And does it seriously not bother you a tiny bit to be supporting him completely?

Answer 9

No, if your happy with this arrangement then that's it. No one else matters except you and him. If he is doing a great job and it helps you that is good. Day cares are expensive and it is hard to trust someone else with your children. People can be petty, those are the ones to stay away from.

Answer 10

If that situation works best for your family, and everyone is happy then don't worry about what other people say. You have NO need to feel guilty. Relationships are about working together to meet the needs of your union.