Are anger and control big problems in marriage?

Question

My ex-mother-in-law seems to think that her son has only two problems - anger and control and they are not big problems in marriage.

What are other big problems in marriage besides infidelity? I keep wondering if maybe she was right.

My ex was abusive and controlling.

She also seems to think that when he gets upset, he is right. I don't agree with her.

Answer 1

Whether you're married or not, anger and control problems are two big issues. I don't agree with your ex mother in law either about your ex spouse being right when he's angry. It sounds like he needs counseling for both of those issues, and your mother in law sounds ignorant (I'm sorry to say). It's a good thing that he's an ex, you did the right thing. Continue to move forward with your life and meet new people who are decent. I've dumped guys who were verbally abusive or controlling.

Answer 2

I think your husband has a valid point. Had he said something about it, how can you be so sure that you wouldn't have thrown "well my parents are the ones paying for it" in his face? I think its great that your parents are helping you out so much but the point of being an adult is that you learn to take care of yourself and your family. A marriage is supposed to be between two people...there are way too many people involved already. And I'm sure it doesn't make him feel any better that while his parents can maybe provide you guys with a nice comforter set, your parents are buying an entire house. He probably feels inadequate. If doing it on your own means a smaller house or fewer gifts, then do it. You won't starve and you'll have a warm place to lay your head at night. That's what's important.

Answer 3

Abuse and anger are NOT synonyms! I get angry almost every day -- maybe at a coworker who makes more work for me, a driver who cuts me off in traffic, my wife wasted money by getting a ticket for running a red light, whatever. However, I do not abuse my coworker, I do not abuse the other driver, and I do not have any right to abuse my wife, no matter how angry I get. I have always believed that everyone has a right to his emotions. But I ALSO believe that everyone is responsible for controlling his behavior. Abuse is unacceptable. In future discussions with your ex MIL, you would be wise not to let her get away with saying only that her son has a problem with anger -- focus on behavior, not feelings.

Answer 4

Why would you wonder if she is right!!!! she may be right about her son only having two problems, anger and control, but those are very big problems. if you are angry and you have no control, its a wonder he hasn't killed somebody yet or gotten himself killed!!!! I'm happy to hear he is your ex, because you do not need that in your life.

Some mothers will do or say anything to stick up for their children, even if it puts others in danger. My best advise for you is to stay very far away from that family.

Answer 5

Yes I would say that those are 2 of the big one when you start talking about problems in a relationship. Get out of there. Those are the main things involved when they find the body

Answer 6

YES! He has a problem that is why my ex-and I broke up.His hands were very quick and I had to leave him alone no matter how much I loved him.If your ex has a problem as far as his anger then you need to thank God that you got away from that and move on after all you are an ex.

Answer 7

Well, it seems obvious how he turned out angry and controlling. If your mom thinks there's nothing wrong with it, then why change. Of course anger and control are going to ruin a relationship. You need to get away from these people.

Answer 8

Anger is only a problem until the other spouse gets stressed out and eventually falls sick and dies. Then the problem goes away.

Answer 9

Well, she is his mother. She wants to demonise you because it's easier than admitting a piece of trash came out of her womb. You were right. I'd cut her off if I were you.

Answer 10

compatability is definatley a problem