I think my marriage is in trouble?

Question

My husband is a courier and runs around in our tri state area all wk long and I on the other hand work in an office and dont get out much at all during the wk. I dont ask him to do anything during the wk because he has been running all day but on the weekends I still cant get him to go anywhere or do anything with me, not to visit friends, not to go out to dinner or the movies. I feel like we are in a rut and that he needs to understand that it is important to me that we spend some quality time away from the kids and the house. Do you think this is wrong

Answer 1

On the contrary, not only is it right to know what you want, its really good that you are telling your husband. OK ... he's tired and distant. But, don't let his 'driving around all day' take over your marriage.

You have to meet these social and recreational needs in order to be whole. They are important for your emotional health; and your husband doesn't realize it. He probably doesn't need these things and isn't aware that his happiness depends just as much on you feeling whole as his driving around the tri-state area.

I'll leave it to the women here to give you some ideas on how to 'get his attention'. All I know is we (men) have no idea how significant emotional needs are to women ...

Looks like you're catching things in time. Great work!

Answer 2

It's not wrong for you to want some quality time alone with him away from the house, BUT it's also not wrong of him to want to relax and not have to run around.

I work in tech support, which means I spend all day talking to people and explaining things. So, as surprising as it may sound, at the end of the day and the end of the week, I'm all talked out. I don't want to have to explain things to anyone. I don't want to have to fix anything. I have a two hour commute each way, and that's more than I'd like. So, on the weekend, my wife drives, and we spend a lot of time in places where I'm not going to have to talk a whole bunch.

Take a few minutes to consider your husband and how it must feel to run around all day every day, and then come home and be asked by your wife to run around some more. He probably misses home. Maybe you could invite friends over to your house? Send the kids away to stay with family or friends. Get creative, and consider his situation and feelings.

Answer 3

NO, you are not wrong but every problem has a solution. Have you guys ever just sat down and talked about why he feels the way he does and why he doesn't want to go anywhere? Here's what I would do. Start by trying to rekindle the marriage by giving him little cards throughout the week just to let him know that you are still in love with him and still attracted to him-also in that time have some good sex during the week. On Friday cook his favorite meal and have it ready for him when he gets home. On Saturday get the in-laws to keep the kids overnight and maybe go out with friends or invite them over to your house for a fun evening be it playing games or just watching movies reminiscing and having drinks. I know I was in a rut before and you can forget how good it feels to get out every once in a while and having fun. I know its a lot of work for you but the benefits will be worth it. After you get his feet wet with hanging out with friends again, mention to him that this is something you would like to do at least once a month or twice a month. You have to get out every now and then or you will get stuck in a rut. Do you and the husband ever take a weekend vacation to get away. It can be really inexpensive and lots of fun-my husband and I do it a lot because we know we don't want to fall into a rut or start taking each other for granted. I had to jump start our relationship again and now when he sees that I am in a rut he will suggest a little r&r or getaway time. Also spice up that sex life....people don't believe it but it really helps...you didn't say there was a problem in that area but I think a rut is a rut and its probably all around, if I'm wrong please forgive me. A healthy sex life is great........do something different in bed- massage his body parts individually-he will "rise" to the occassion. Make him want to do more but don't let him know that is what you are doing. I send my husband text messages and tell him, I was just thinking about your beautiful smile today and I miss you and can't wait to see you, men like to be flirted with just like we do. Text him to let him know you appreciate what a good person he is and what a wonderful father and husband he is, little things like that makes his day-My husband loves it. I've gone so far as to text him a picture of me in my underwear with a big smile on my face saying.....can't wait for you to join me. Start in the bedroom and work your way out......I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me but I'm telling you what I know and not what I heard...........good luck

Answer 4

Sit down and talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Then see if you can get someone to keep the kids for the weekend, leaving just you and him at home by yourselves or plan a little trip during that time. It certainly is not wrong to want to spend some quality time with your mate.

Answer 5

No your not wrong, just going about it in the wrong way. I assume you are jumping all over him about what you want him to do? That is our natural reaction as women, we want to change our men. Read Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin and put it's principals to work in your marriage, if your not religious just dismiss the religious impliments of the book. I will tell you that by following that book your marriage will be better than it ever has been, your husband will be suprising you with weekend getaways instead of you nagging him all the time to get out. I was once ready to file for divorce when someone suggested I read this book and try it out, since then my husband came to me one day and told me he has never been so happy and he never wants anything to change. The concept of the book is to change yourself and the way you treat your husband rather than trying to change who he is, it's worth a try and if you really give it your all you won't believe the wonderful relationship the two of you will have. Good Luck!

Answer 6

I don't think that you are wrong but at the same time you need to understand that your man is just tired. I was in outside sales and ran around the city all week long going from office building to office building. By the end of the week I was exhusted from pounding the pavement.

So give him a break. Plan a vacation and reconnect that way.

Answer 7

No, it's not wrong. Make unbreakable plans, like renting a bed and breakfast in a rural area, get a sitter for the kids, do all that is necessary to make sure that he can't come up with any excuses, then let him know about it. Once you find that it worked, tell him that the next time, he can plan the place and what you'll both be doing together, and most important, regardless of where it is and what your doing, enjoy it. Make him feel that he has done something to please you.

Answer 8

I can see it from both sides. He is tired and wants some down time at home. You have been home a lot during the week and want some time away from home time. You guys should me able to make some sort of compromise. One Saturday you guys go do something but the next Saturday you do something at home etc. Hang in there is it worth dissolving your marriage over?

Answer 9

No..not in the least. This is a relationship that has to give and take for it to work. Unfortunately, your husband has forgotten his part. This could be because you have never forced it before and he has fallen into this huge black hole of doing nothing.

You're going to have to bring the matter to a head. You should plan something/anything then present it to him as a done deed.
If he balks then tell him its time for a "talk" and explain how you feel. You have to re-open the communication between the two of you. If he still doesn't seem to care then you should go to counseling and if you could get him to go than at least it's a night out.

I'm sorry for your problems. I know he still loves you but it's
time for him to prove it.

Answer 10

Sometimes marriage needs a break. However, I can understand how you feel. My hsband went through the same thing with me. It seems the more he pressed me to go places, the more I wanted to stay home. But when I noticed him not making a big deal out of it anymore and willingly doing SOME things without me, I was willing to go out and do fun things with him, which in fact brought us closer together.

-Net