What do you think of a man that takes a cheating wife back???

Question

She left 5 months ago to be with a coworker we have two small kids and a 17 year relationship. I still love her and she is now realizing who reall yloves her and the grass is not greener. I heard the expression "to error is human to forgive is divine" Would I have like no dignity if I tried to work on rebuilding what we have?

Wow!!!! I did not expect this volume of responses thanks!! lots of honest answers

Answer 1

You're a better man than I would be under those circumstances but it certainly would be the right thing to do. I wouldn't listen to anyone's suggestions regarding this. It is too personal an issue and it is your heart that will truly answer this question.

If it is telling you she and the relationship is worth it. Then go for it...You'll truly be happy but if you feel you still question her fidelity that too is only human. You will have to put it totally aside and if you're not up to that task then it will never work. So think long and hard and perhaps counseling would help you both to.

Answer 2

It is not your dignity in question!!!

My first question would have to be, did the relationship start before she left? I can only imagine that it did as she "left 5 months ago to be with a coworker". If this is the case then she needs to realize that no matter what her "reasons" were none of them were good enough or justified cheating. Each and every one of us is responsible for our own actions. Although there are many that like to say things like "he was there for me when my hubby wasn't" or "it was an unhappy marriage" or even "my husband was cruel/mean/abusive/unkind/ignored me" or variations on that theme......regardless of the "reasons" each and every one of us is responsible for our own actions and choices. So if she didn't leave before she started this relationship then you need to know that no matter what she and she alone is responsible for her actions. If she is trying to say that there is some "reason" that she strayed and found this man then think again because what if she thinks she has another good "reason" to do it again. Will she?

If you can truly forgive and start to trust her again and are willing to begin rebuilding a life together then you are by far an amazing individual!

You do not, however, want to rebuild the life you had as that was the one she left. You both need to sit down and find where it went wrong and try to build a relationship where you are both happy and content.

I guess I would wonder at this point where is the "other man" now? Is he gone, moved away, new job or is this someone that she will still have contact with even if it is only at work.

She is going to need to realize that she has some major repairs to do with you and your heart. Unfortunately she can not expect you to "forgive and forget" because you are only human and the trust and respect are going to be hard won.

If you are both willing to work on the relationship heart and soul as well as seek counseling if needed you have a great opportunity

Answer 3

You said it yourself. To error is human. No there is nothing wrong with breaking up and getting back together. The question is can you really forgive. That take's a lot of work. If you can both work it out it is great for the kid's. I know a couple that broke up she had a baby with another man, then they got back together and 20 years later they are still together. Sometime's it work's sometime's it doesn't.. Nobody is perfect. Look at the person and do you think you can trust them with your heart again. If your not sure then take the time you need and don't make decision's to fast. If she was with someone else your gonna have to ask yourself, if you can handle that. If you get back with her you can't hold it against her and bring it up everytime you fight either cause that will tear you down and end up hurting the kid's again. That is a good question and your gonna get a lot of flack for this one, but go with your heart. Best wishes to you both.

Answer 4

I personally wouldnt be able to forgive my husband if he ever cheated on me it would be like him saying what we had meant nothing and it was worth losing over some homewrecker. I havent been married quite as long as you that is a long time but I dont think its ok to cheat and expect everything to go back to what you had just like that. You are a good man if you have the strength to forgive her for what she did but I wouldnt make her think for a minute that it didnt have any affects on you. You are still going to feel some negative feelings toward her and you have the right. If you want to work this out then go for it and I hope you both can get back to where you were and can go on another 17+years good luck.

Answer 5

I always say when you have nothing else left to your name you can always retain your digniity.
It's a hard call. My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant with our first child. I forgave him and he did it again 4 years later. I've found that (most) people cheat for a specific reason and that is to remind themselves that they still have it. What I mean by that is my ex-husband cheated on me to boost his self-confidence. It actually had nothing to do with me and he will continue to do that because apparantly that is the only way he can fulfill that need. I didn't understand this until the last time (which was the second time) and I just asked him why? The woman he was cheating with wasn't younger, prettier, thinner, etc. etc. etc. than I so I couldn't understand. When he gave me the answer (that it just made him feel better about himself when other woman still found him attractive) I knew I better get out.
I always say the first thing to do is find out WHY they cheated. Then decide if it can be worked on. Chances are it's not going to work. The feelings of betrayal are always there and it will not surpress over time.
While I admire your spirit and obvious love for your family I have to say that this is one time you need to mourn your loss and look for the REAL love of your life.

Answer 6

Your last statement is not correct. You can rebuild what you have, only what you "had". If you feel in your heart that you were made for each other, who cares what other people think? You are the one that has to live with it. Just remember one thing. Constantly reminding a person of the past is a killer, so, even when the next argument happens, if you bring up the cheating thing, you might as well forget it now. If not, then go on with it, and mend those things that were broken.

Answer 7

You can't put pride before love.

With that said... I personally think that you need to sit down and figure out WHY she cheated. And make sure that its not loneliness or regret thats bringing you two back together, but rather a realization that you two love eachother and want to work on making this work.

"To error is human, to forgive is divine" Forgiveness is a sign of godliness, true.. you're not God. And maybe you need to forgive yourself for your failures in that relationship (it takes two to tango) that made her leave... maybe lack of communication about things that weren't working, lack of effort on your part, etc. Forgive yourself and know that you deserve to be with somene who loves you enough not to do that to you. If she didn't love you enough to work on it before she hopped in another man's bed, why do you think she would love you enough now???

Its hard... only take her back if you know that you can forgive (not forget) her. But if you're going to question her every movement, bring her indiscretion up during every fight, and you're going to fall back in the same ol' routine that got you in the place where she had to go outside the relationship for comfort in the first place- then you might as well end it now.

Answer 8

I applaud you on your efforts, however I must inform you that the road ahead is a bumpy one. You must understand that in order for you to forgive this situation, you must forget it. If you are able to do that with no doubt in your mind, then take her back with a good conscience. Otherwise, once a cheater, always a cheater. You are still the same man she cheated on before, what makes you think she won't do it again. The grass is never greener on the other side. The people who venture, will continue to look. Thank you and may GOD bless.

Answer 9

It's going to be hard to rebuild to the trust level you once had, but it is possible. If you are both still in love and willing to work hard it certainly can be done. I took my husband back after he cheated on me and left me with two small children and a severely broken heart, but after counseling and many, many heart to heart talks, we worked it out. This happened to me 8 years ago, but I have yet to forget what he has done, it left a huge scar on my heart. I have re-gained some trust for him and until lately we have been vary happy. I do not regret giving it another try, people make mistakes and I wrote this affair off as one huge mistake. It's OK for people to make mistakes so long as they learn from them. Go with your heart! I wish you all the luck, the road you are about to travel will be very bumpy!

Answer 10

Love is a disease that we create medicine for. Talk to yourself and see if you would really-really forgive her or it will end in revenge. It is human we keep dragging the past wherever we go. I dont know if you are one ofthe lucky people who can forgive and forget. Its is tuff to get in a situation where you have to doubt this person almost in everything she will do.

It is possible to get someone-else, eventhough it might take some time. Why not considering forgeting her?. Think clearly