Whenever I get depressed I push people away. What can I do to stop this?

Question

Generally I don't suffer too badly with depression, in fact most times I just feel down and have low self confidence. Twice however I've had it really bad and both times I've deliberatly pushed my friends away and been lucky to come out of it to find they still want me around.
Thing is it's kind of always there in the background - this sense of wanting to push people away. It's bizarre because I know that if I stop seeing my friends I'm essentially just left alone with my thoughts and that's the worse that can happen, but still it's there.
Recently a friend who I haven't seen for a while has decided to throw a house warming to show off her new place and all of my friends got an invite via email except me. Now I know it's probably just a mix up or an oversight, but it's got these feelings going and even if I do get a (late) invite something in me wants me to just turn my nose up at it and not go even though I know it would make me feel worse. How do I stop these thoughts?

Answer 1

If you tend to push people away when you're feeling down, maybe you could respect your need for time alone and give yourself some downtime. It's perfectly okay to have boundaries. However, to prevent misunderstandings with your friends, just have a heart to heart conversation with them at a time when you are not feeling down. If they are truly a friend, they will understand and respect that. It might go something like this, "You know, I really like having you as a friend, and appreciate that you're there for me. However, every now and then I feel stressed and might react in an uncaring way. Some times the best thing I can do when that happens is give myself some alone time. So I just want you to know that, and also know that I care about you and value our friendship."

About the friend that hasn't invited you to the house warming yet, I know it must be difficult to not feel rejected and hurt. I think most people would feel that way. Maybe you could call or email her just to say, "Congratulations on your new home, I was happy to hear the good news." It might be difficult to send such an email or call and say this, but it's a sure way to find out if it's an oversight or not. If it's just an oversight, you'll get an invite. You did mention that you haven't seen each other in a while. Maybe it's worth it to give her the benefit of the doubt.
No matter what the outcome, I wish you the best!!

Answer 2

What you are feeling is a symptom of depression. Pushing people away, not wanting to be around anyone or talk to anyone, even family and the best of friends. I have been through this and thankfully, most of my friends did their best to understand and accepted me back when I was ready. It's hard for some people to understand why we do these things, but I try to tell them that they don't really want to be around me when I'm depressed because I"m afraid I will bring them down, too. I'm sure it was an oversight by your friend about the house warming party. If you do get an invite, make yourself go. Sometimes making yourself get out and around people will help to relieve some of the tension and anxiety that depression brings, even if just for a couple of hours. Also, I noticed that a few of my friends (not the really close ones), just quit asking me to do things after a while because I had turned them down so often during my depression. I guess they just assumed that I would say no so they just didn't bother to ask anymore. If you have one good friend that you are close to, tell them what's going on with you and that you are just down right now and having a hard time being social but you're not intentionally trying to push them away. It will make you and them feel better about the situation. If these symptoms continue, I really think you should talk to your Dr. about them and see what he says. Don't let it continue to get worse. I wish you the best and hope you'll be feeling better soon.

Answer 3

There's no simple answers when it comes things dealing with the human mind. A psychologist could probably help you out quite a bit but your going to have to look within yourself for the real answers regardless of what you do. That's the only advice I feel like I can give. But I will say that it's a common human fault to rely too much on those around them instead of looking to one's self for a foundation. We must give up our animal instincts and give everything we are to the "group" including our sense of personal responsibility. We are independent consciousnesses. Personally, I've never met anyone I can spend more than a few hours of time with every week or so. No real close friends. I take what there is from one person and give that much back then move on to the next. I know that may sound cold but I don't belong to any "groups."

Answer 4

Knowledge is half the battle, at least you are aware of what you are doing. Some people don't even have the slightest idea they are being unsociable or rude. You can try feeling better with this easy exercise, deep breathing. Inhale to the count of ten letting your abdomen rise as you inhale, then exhale to the count of ten. Do this three times and you will feel like laughing it works so well! When you are thinking about problems that are bringing you down, try comparing them to someone else's situation, for instance, one of the thousands of people in Africa, lying in a tent in the middle of the dessert, in pain, starving, dying of aids. Your problems will seem like nothing compared to what they are going through. Count your blessings and be thankful you have what you have. Also you may be spending too much time on yourself, try volunteering. It can bring you a lot of happiness helping others, then you wouldn't have the problems that are bringing you down. Good luck!

Answer 5

You're young. You still haven't acquired enough experience to know what is what about your friends and yourself. In time you will, and then the whole introspection business will become obsolete.
It might just be that your friends get on your nerves after awhile or you get on their's. No big deal. Just enjoy the solitude without brooding.

Answer 6

Is it possible you are not able to accurately tell how badly you are suffering with depression? I know one of my cues for being very depressed is that I walk through the office singing! I know when my depression gets me I'm often not the best person to assess it. If you are not wanting to see your friends it's likely you are quite depressed. Maybe it's better to deal with the thoughts rather than looking for ways to stop or suppress them. Love, light and power to you.

Answer 7

Withdraw from people is one of the symptoms of depression. If depression is interfering with your relationships you may want to seek help. If your friends know you have depression you may want to ask them how you depression affects them. Counseling and medication can be very helpful and give you a better quality of life. I wish you well.

Answer 8

the easiest thing to say would be get help for your depression. even if you don't "suffer too badly with depression" you still suffer from it. if you usually can control how you feel but sometimes you get overwhelmed. you wont hurt anything by getting help. even if it is just alternative ways to handle stress or recognizing what triggers bring on your depression

Answer 9

Simply put you need medical advice from a doctor that's what they are there for. Good luck

Answer 10

i truly think you need to have self confidence in your self, feel good about who you are.then you can see yourself better,your friends will be there for you no matter what it is.