I'm a very private person.... Is this a bad thing?

Question

I'm 17 years old.

I've been through quite a lot in my 17years of life. I'm not going to go into great detail but I was very depressed for over 2years due to abuse, rape, serious car acident (being told i'd never walk again), being unwanted from by my father and being sick with glandula fever and complications due to various operations.

Anyway, this has turned me from being extremly extrovert to being introverted. I've been to three different high schools so i have lots of friends that I don't know or trust very well. (except my best friend)

I like everything in my life to be my business and only my business. I don't like sharing things with other people. I don't trust many people.

How can I create more meaningful relationships without having many friends I'm not very close to?
Is it bad that I keep my issues to myself and don't share them?

Answer 1

I am sorry you have gone through so much at such a young age, but you don't seem abnormal in any way. I watched my daughter go through too much illness and saw her withdraw a lot from an extroverted life. I attributed some of that to her problems and changing body image, etc., but a lot of it also has to do with the changes every person your age goes through. It is all a part of recognizing yourself as an individual and, based on your experiences, having to begin to make judgments about the types of other individuals you want in your life. After this awareness, the challenge of relationship continues throughout adulthood. We are all facing it and it doesn't necessarily get easier.

There is no reason to be unhappy with yourself, or with others. You don't have to have any prescribed number of close friends, or any certain depth of relationship with anyone except as you choose it. The "meaningfulness" of a relationship is only defined by its meaning to you.

Answer 2

Actually we have a lot in common. I have been through some of the things you've dealt with and I , too am a very private person and so is my wife. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. You have been through some very traumatic experiences for someone so young and many people your age are very shallow and really wouldn't understand or couldn't understand. My feeling is that the a couple of really close friends that you can trust are better than having many aquaintances. I feel like the fewer people I have in my life the less drama there will be. You sound like you are doing really well for all that you have been through and you should feel proud of yourself for the strength and courage you have. Do what feels comfortable to you and don't push yourself to be a social butterfly if that isn't you. You are a unique individual and I know you have a special purpose in life. One day you may be able to help others because of your experiences. I wish you the best. Feel good about who you are!

Answer 3

It's okay to be private and reserved about certain things, I believe---but it's also healthy to be able to cut loose and relax and have some fun. I'm a pretty reserved person myself. I tend not to talk about my family or private affairs and I mostly listen to others complain about their lives, I don't really do any of the complaining. There are some things people just don't need to know about my life! However, I DO know when to tell a good story or crack some good jokes and just carry on a good conversation. As long as you can converse well, have a good sense of humor, and can relax when it is needed, I think being private is fine. But if you're painfully shy or fading into the background because of your private-ness, then it may be time to open up a bit.

Answer 4

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
I'm a very private person.... Is this a bad thing?
I'm 17 years old.

I've been through quite a lot in my 17years of life. I'm not going to go into great detail but I was very depressed for over 2years due to abuse, rape, serious car acident (being told i'd never walk again), being unwanted from by my father and being sick with...

Answer 5

No problem untill the problem arise..and its not a bad thing to keep ourself 'private'. People may asking, doubtful n eager to know what's high n low in our life. Especially to people who always be right wif us. Sharing is a method where the first place in our mind is we know when we r sharing, the thing that we share is no more a 'monster' in our 'basement'. Sharing leads to group the people in such way we never expect. Through this method, we gain more positive to ourself n hoping others will return it in a good way. Our life is our privacy. Follow your heart(not everytime) and follow ur mind(may everytime). You may create meaningful life without having many friends dat close to you. Make sure you have at least a friend who are being loyal, positive, escalate ur aspiration and honestly telling you what is wrong and what is right, definitely not the good thing only. Forget the past coz they are no longer in 'action' and the future promising a 1001 prosperious without knowing the past. Everyone can hear you speak but not everyone can listen to your whisper...once you found a person who listen your whisper, he may speak a thousand words to keep u stand....

Answer 6

Your personal information should only be given when you are ready. There is a good reason not to trust people today,
so many make up fiction about other people and push unreasonably into their lives, there is good reason not to be open with anyone. Hospitals
release personal information on
politicians(not good), be aware that forced medical research is on the rise. Persons that try to use any reason to "use" people and their legal earnings, posing
as friends, are on the rise also. Everyone should be happy in their own lives, but in the last 20 years, a lot of rotten
people have gotten away with far too much. Be careful making friends, and may God bless and protect you.

Answer 7

Try opening up more, but not too much. I have found if I open up too much people do not trust me with their secrets and tend to gossip about me. You could try joining groups at school, to make closer friends. Or you could try talking to your school counsellor. No, it is not a bad thing, the world needs you. The world needs people like you. Each to their own, It takes all kinds to make the world like it is. Why be like everybody else. You have been through so very much and show maturity. Build your self esteem gradually, step out of your comfort zone a little everyday.

Answer 8

Hi Wby, it sounds to me like your reactions are perfectly understandable given what you have been through. Give yourself time. You need to work through the issues with a professional. Shake yourself free of the weight of these traumatic events. Last of all. Give yourself a big tick of approval. You're a survivor Wby no-one can ever take your spirit away. Be patient with yourself.

Answer 9

The words "mystic" and "mystery" come from a Greek word that is related to one that means "to close the eyes or the mouth". This means feeling like a spiritual survivor. The fact is that everybody's been through stuff. Try Proverbs 31 in the Bible to get your eyes, mouth and hands involved in your life!

Also try looking at whether you've got reminders/memorials behind your doorposts. Anything that's behind your doorposts symbolises thinking of "permission" before you walk through doorways of opportunity in your life. You might have forgotten but if those reminders (or furniture if you touch furniture as a habit before you leave the house) are about a death for which you still feel guilty, you are feeling that loss privately and expressly it publicly as part of your public identity. It can tend to be related to wanting to give something back to the earth, charity shops, or your ancestors, but giving doesn't make it feel better because it's about guilt, not charity, if this is the reason. Check behind your doorposts (lips count as doorposts) and forgive yourself and see if there's anything you don't need there anymore.

Answer 10

you dont really have a problem
you are yet so young ,as you go through a bit more of your life , as in higher education , getting a job , meeting a partner , kids ,
and all that other non kid stuff in your future
they all will shape and reshape you many times over
it is not a bad thing to be private
but it would be a bad thing to prejudge that others dont care or dont want to know you [not your problems ]
but that you the person who despite being a private person yet can see the funny side of life and give it a go
life gets better
you made a start now just enjoy it as it unfolds
how you can create more meaning full relations is as simply as keeping in touch with those fun people of your past
you have built up a fairly diverge group what with your life experience invite them to parties , keep in contact ,simply thank them
drop back into thier life ,it basiccly takes doing something
making that first move ,have fun