My husband's best friend's wife and I have had a fall out?

Question

My husband has known his friend for about 12 years and I met them 5 years ago. She and I arent close but we go out as couple friends and she is in the same book club as me. We are in a circle of friends. She is quite thick skinned and blunt.

Last week at one of the other people's house she asked me when I was intending having a tummy tuck. I was feeling quite thin that day and said I wasnt. She went on and on about it as did the other women so I went to chat to my husband and other people. When she eventually came and asked me what the matter was with her hands on her hips I told her that she would be so lucky to look like me in 8 years time as she is younger than me and that if I need plastic surgery then she needs a face lift (which she does).
Anyway we left on a bad note and although I sent her an emial to "clear the air" and apologise for saying that to her I havent heard anything. I feel bad because of the guys.

Answer 1

Stand up girl friend and give yourself a big pat on the back!
This little madam got exactly what she deserved, if you cant take it dont dish it!
You dont have to best pals with her just because your hubby and hers are.
You have held out the olive branch and she's rejected it, she not thick skinned, she's just smarting because you had the balls to answer her back!
Leave her stew in her own juice and dont give her a second thought!

Answer 2

Ooooops!!! I think you might have been a bit too brutal there! But never mind you will probably make up again in time.Ring her and be perfectly honest to her (or even lie a little to clear the air!) Tell her you are very sorry for the things that you said but you were just retaliating, but you didn't REALLY mean what you said.Tell her that it would be such a shame to fall out and spoil yours and her husbands friendship and that you have always enjoyed their company.CREEP if you have to!! She will come round! Good luck!

Answer 3

DONT FEEL BAD. she sounds a right cow! you never say to someone 'you need surgery' that is just blatant insulting and soo mean especially if you aren't skinny. she was probably jealous, and lots of younger woman like to have a dig at older woman because they think they're in better shape.

you didn't handle the situation brilliantly but at least she knows you aren't going to take insults lying down.

if you've sent her an email and she hasn't replied, that is rude, and you've done all you can by saying you're sorry and being the bigger person.

of course your husband should understand you, and tell you you look beautiful no matter what and you don't need surgery, so he should definitely be on your side and angry at her for upsetting you. so, and i know this sounds mean, but don't worry too much about him.

if you're worried about your friends then speak to them about what happened, and if it's obvious they've picked sides against you, then you're better off without them because they can't be that good a friend and you obviously can't depend on them and they don't know you very well.

at least you'll be able to see who your true friends are from this. good luck!

Answer 4

If she said to me that I needed a tummy tuck I would have knocked her out! I think you've done your bit by emailing her to apologise, the balls in her court now but I wouldn't worry about it too much, just because your husbands are best mates doesnt mean to say you 2 need to be.

Answer 5

there's this really strange myth i don't know who started it but it goes something along the line of if you get married the you have to like you spouses friends and anyone associated with them well that's crap you have a right to stand up for your self she had o right to ask that and especially not in front of anyone maybe she has real low self confidence and just had to get the attention off her or maybe she is thinking of a tummy tuck and just was feeling out peoples reaction to the idea and using you as a guinea pig either way you don't have to like her but you may have to tolerate her for your husbands sake just remember you have aright to stick up for yourself and should not feel bad when you do you did nothing wrong

Answer 6

Dont worry about it. If you didnt like her much before than you have lost nothing not having her as a friend.

Your husband and his best mate will most likely carry on being friends and let you two sort it out amongst yourselves because they know if they get involved it will be a no-win situation for them.

Answer 7

Don't "feel bad" about your sensitivity to people or situations and the things that "rent space" in your mind. You feel and think because you are human. She may be testing her boundaries with you or is simply a cold heart who has learned in some sick way to manipulate others emotions. One way of dealing with it that might liberate your thoughts is to try to imagine or understand that she is like the rest of us and we often say things that we eventually regret or that are ignorant responses to what is going on in our minds. Pray for your sister's growth and her potential for a sense of consideration that she may someday realize (even if you think she's a b----).

Answer 8

Sounds like she needed bringing down a peg or two. Well done for giving it back! As for the guys, I'm sure they're not that bothered, they think you two will be friends again in a couple of weeks.

Answer 9

Don't fret - she deserved it, she sounds as if she can dish it out but not take it.

You've sent the e-mail and been the bigger person by apologising first, the ball is in her court now.

Answer 10

Don't worry about it - she sounds like a pompous hag! You've done your bit - if she isn't big enough to come forward and clear the air as well - it isn't your problem and is her loss!