can someone please tell me if this sentence, from my paper about Harry potter ,is correct?

Question

The mysterious nature of the “sorting test,” along with Harry’s inexperience in conjuring magic, undermines his self-esteem

Answer 1

Looks ok to me!

To make it feel a little less clumsy you could say:

The mysterious nature of the “sorting test” coupled with Harry’s inexperience in conjuring magic serves to undermine his self-esteem.

Hope this helps

Answer 2

Your sentence is technically correct but looks unfinished without the period which coupled with the present tense undermines, rather than undermined indicates there is more to your thought forthcoming in the same sentence. One minor quibble which may or may not come from fellow HP readers is that "sorting" really doesn't need to be followed by "test" as everyone at Hogwarts knows it's a test or more specifically, a reading or assessment of the student wearing the hat and the word tends to break the spell (pun intended of course), Sorting is a ritual and maybe that word would be better than the mundane "test" which sounds so muggle or cowan, Thunders....and you are at the very least half witch and all heart (by day I have served as a mild-mannered editor with a harsh blue-pencil but I'm not at work now and also looking forward to OOP movie and "H," the last word of JKR on the subject of the possible auror?).

Answer 3

Yours is correct - including the commas.