My boyfriend of 14 years left 3 months ago ( we have 2 boys 10&11) He said he was not into me anymore and the family life is not for him. So he moved in with his mother.He is 42. I get child support and he see's them every other weekend. He says he wants to be kept informed about what's going on. I call him when things are going on at school, or the boys are acting up. He says I'll call them tonight, he doesn't. I call him the next day and he says he got busy. He then says I'll call tonight he does not. I tell him that I won't tell him what's going on anymore, he says then don't, what am I going to do about it anyway I don't live their anymore. Our son called him tonite to ask if he would pay for him to play football. His dad was so out of it from partying all weekend with his new girlfriend ( he still lives with his mom ) that he just said no because Your mom won't take you to practice. When I tried to tell him I would, he kept saying I am going to hang up on you. Would you be upset?
2007-04-02 20:19:00 · 22 answers · asked by Teslajuliet 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For sure! Too bad these overgrown babies ruin lives because of their irresponsibility. 42? more like 22.........and living with his mommy? of course she must be an enabler......allowing him to dump all over his family. I personally know guys like yours, and it sounds as if you are better off without him. All i can tell you is keep your focus on yourself, and your sons, and raise your sons like MEN, obviously their father knows nothing on the subject. I would not cut him out of your sons life, they need him (even though hes not worth much), but I would let your sons set the pace as to how much time they want to see him, talk to him....if I were you, I would do nothing, and tell him nothing. If he wants to find out about his sons schooling..etc...hes a big boy, let him ask himself....geez...its a guy like him that gives all other guys a bad name! good luck to you and take care of yourself, and your boys.
2007-04-02 20:25:57 · answer #1 · answered by ICEBOX 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be ... upset and hurt ... it is hard to be where you are ... saddled with responsibility while he moves on with his life ... It sounds like he is going through the "baby boy" phase ... I am happy to hear that he is paying child support ... you need to have a custody agreement filed in court as soon as possible. Right now, you have to put your feelings aside and do what is best for your children. You have to make sure that they are going to be taken care of on all levels. After 14 years, I know you never expected to be in the position that you are in ... but you have to put a wall around your heart and protect it ... focus on your kids ... you don't have to say anything to them about the situation ... in fact, I think that it is better that you don't ... If they see that you are taking the high road ... they will respect you more and learn from you how to stand strong in the face of uncertainty, adversity and pain ... You will be ok! I have been there ...
Play Gloria Gaynor ... I will survive ... It is an instant strengthener!! Make it your anthem!!
I will keep you in my prayers ... if you need to vent ... email me!!
Pamela
Added: Hey just an after thought ... if you need extra money and he will not help ... open an eBay or Yahoo auctions account ... and sell his stuff ... whatever he left ... or have a yard sale ... it will be cathartic and you will get extra money ...
2007-04-02 20:34:58 · answer #2 · answered by Pamela Y. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your ex-boyfriend hates you more than he loves his kids. Sad. They end up losing when the adults fight like babies.
Yes, he's wrong, and I'd be upset with him - BUT none of this goofy behavior should EVER go on in front of the boys! He's using them as pawns to get to you. From now on, you might want to keep your contact down to a minimum. Write your ex with updates. Short, pointed..."just the facts, ma'am" stuff. No emotions, no name-calling. That way, you are living up to his wish to stay informed, making you the 'good' parent.
Keep this to yourself though, and don't flaunt it in front of the kids. Also, don't make them ask their Dad for things on the phone. He knows he can pain you by turning them down. Be the adult messenger, and if he says 'no' then tell the boys that's what he said. Period. They can draw their own conclusions.
Put some of the child support $$ away for special events like football. Your kids will need diversions during the split, and beyond. Don't try to act like you're the only one providing for the event, though - remember, the child support is both of your responsibilities - so your ex actually WILL be paying.
(Still, you can get a private chuckle out of THAT at his expense!)
2007-04-02 20:37:15 · answer #3 · answered by bzwithmybirds 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ignore your good-4-nothing boyfriend.
you should turn on a new leaf.
make friends & see new persons. Cheer up your life. You may find a better man or a great friends circle who could give a moral support 4 u. Not necessarily a new father to your son, but equally a good community to live with. Your son deserve balance emotional support to be a good man someday. Love your son unconditionally-u r a great mom.
ever heard an African saying, "it takes a village to raise a child".
This child that will take care of u....someday when u r very old.
2007-04-02 20:33:35 · answer #4 · answered by elmo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is the feeling that you are not recognized that is hurting you.
You are craving for undue recognition.
Recogniton comes by recocognising others but nor by demanding it.
Learn to balance the need of sharing caring and recognition.
Concentrate on what you want in life and keep working for it.
results will come sooner or later. Don't hurnt your self with your own feelings.
Key to happy life.
Find out about interests in various activities. Best way is to ask him/she to make a list and you can do the same and match them. If more than 50% match is not there life becomes boring soon.
Most important is what You don’t like (avoid them) and tolerance level.
The best way is to learn how to balance the needs of sharing caring and recognition.
Read what is that you want web http://righteducation.org/id53.htm
Good luck.
May god bless you with the strengthe to over come your feeling that are hurting you.
2007-04-02 20:35:29 · answer #5 · answered by righteducation 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are trying to use the kids as a weapon to get back at him. Let him go. This man is a loser. If he has no desire to be a part of those kids lives, you can't make him care and frankly, the man does not care. Moreover, he apparently has no desire to be with you either. I'm sorry for you and the pain you must be feeling but face the music, honey, he doesn't care about you either.
As long as he's sending the child support, I wouldn't care. If he wants to be a part of their lives, let him make the effort. It's not up to you facilitate him being a part of their lives. He can pick up the phone and call himself. He can get his butt to their events in and out of school.
2007-04-02 21:20:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl your trying to stay in touch with him in any way you can. and the only one you are hurting is you and well your kids.
Let him make contact with his kids if he want to stay up on whats going on. Don't encourage the kids to call him or go over there and don't make them. He's the one who will regret it in the long run and your kids are still young, they will figure it out sooner then you know! Be strong for you and for your kids. They need you more then any thing and you need them.
Don't say mean things about him to them, and don't make excuses for him either. I would even act like things are great your busy when he does call / if he calls. Let him be the one who looks bad in every way.
You won't regret it trust me. I speak from experience!
I have three daughters!
2007-04-02 20:28:22 · answer #7 · answered by brandy5474 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not-- I repeat-- do not-- put the kids between the two of you. Who's the adult here? You have to tolerate him cuz he is the boys father. However, now that you are single you have to be the mom and the dad (the adult). If you need help w/ the cost for football sign-ups, check to see if the league has scholerships to offer to those who can not afford their child to play. It should be confidential.
P.S.Not only take him to practice(don't stay and watch) and take him to his games and be on the side lines cheering him on. He'll love it-- and you too.
2007-04-02 20:31:51 · answer #8 · answered by melodia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you have two kids by a man who didn't respect you enough to marry you when you first got preg. I'm sorry but i don't understand that,but now you no why he didn't marry you in the first place because if he had he knew it wouldn't be as easy to walk out on you and his kids.Shame on that piece of sh it and shame on that whore that came between the two of you.How are your kids holding up in all this mess.if you want to get him back let him think you are going out with someone .That will eat him up knowing another man is getting what he still thinks belongs to him.
2007-04-02 20:34:19 · answer #9 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course. I'm shocked to know that a 42 year old man is acting like an 18 year old. He needs to grow up.
2007-04-02 20:23:18 · answer #10 · answered by Cardiophobia <3 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋