My friend is a divorced woman with two small children. My friend's ex-husband gets the children every other weekend. The ex-husband is engaged to be married next month. They just had his wedding shower last week. My friend and her ex-husband are sleeping together. He calls her on the phone, and he comes to her house. He is the one who iniciates everything.
My friend and I disagree on this situation. I feel that she is as much to blame on the cheating as he is, but she says no. She sees no fault where she is concerned. My friend knows that her ex is getting married next month and knows this girl is planning a wedding. I feel sorry for the fiancee, and my friend says she does to. But it still does not stop her from letting him in the house and sleeping with him. Yes my friend says she still loves him and wants to be with him, but he has told my friend that he IS going to marry this other girl.
Is my friend innocent, or is she just as guilty as her ex?
2007-04-02 19:18:55 · 57 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I couldn't believe when I read your question. It sounded so similar to my own life. I met a man who was my world, or so at least I thought. He had a ex-wife with a 20month old little boy. I not only feel in love with this man, but also his son. Eight days before I was to marry this man, I was informed that my soon to be husband was still sleeping with his ex-wife. I was crushed!! I confronted him and he lied and swore it was not true. Stupid me believed him and we were married as planned. One and a half years later, I am divorced with a 2 month old son. Come to find out he was still sleeping with his ex even after we were married. I not only lost a husband, but I lost his child that I came to love very much. And now my child has to suffer also. All this could have been avoided, if I had of went straight to the source(his ex) when I heard that he was sleeping with her while we were just engaged. I would not have married this scum bag, because he played both of us for fools. And the ex is just as guilty as he is, because this woman knew we were getting married, and she didn't even stop after we were married. At times I blame her more so than him, because she is a woman and she should know the pain. She is as much a dog as he is, not caring who's lives they mess up. I often wonder, do people have any morals left anymore. Especially when children are involved. My marriage vowels were very sacred to me, and I thought they were to him to. I guess some people just don't care who they step on and hurt. And to top everything else off, we have only been divorced for 3 months and he is already engaged to someone else, but rumor has it, HE is still sleeping with his first ex-wife. When I find out who she is I will inform her and let her know. She has every right to know!!!! She has the right to decied for herself if she wants to get involved with a cheater. And before I go to her I will get proof so he can't lie his way out of it.
Sorry I ranted on some much about this, but I haven't gotten over the hurt yet. To answer your question...YES your friend is guilty. I don't care if she does love him. She never should have divorced him. And please tell this girl that is soon to wed this jackass. She has a right to know. I'm sorry, but I hope your friend is not close to you, because she seems to have no values for herself or her children.
2007-04-04 15:24:23 · answer #1 · answered by Gloria 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
They are both guilty, and your friend is an idiot or still thinks she has a chance of getting back together with her ex. Which of course is idiotic because he will cheat on her too. She is very immature, and extremely insecure. There is nothing you can do about it. So just ignore the whole issue. When your friend brings it up tell her that you don't want to discuss it anymore as it upsets you.
If it is at all possible you should tell you friends ex's fiancee about this affair that is going on. You will be doing a very good deed.
2007-04-09 22:12:05 · answer #2 · answered by michelebaruch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely agree with you on this situation. Your friend and her ex sound like they are ruthless, selfish, cold hearted and immature. I feel so bad for the girl he's going to marry. Is your friend going to continue with this affair after the wedding? If the truth be known your friend and her exes marriage more than likely failed because the both cheated on each other. I think someone should figure out an anonymous way to tell the poor girl that's getting married what's going on and warn her that she will be marrying a snake.
Both your friend and her ex should be ashamed.
Your friend is just as guilty. She says she still loves him, but I think she's jealous of the girl he's marrying. How can your friend live with the fact that he's just using her?
2007-04-08 17:17:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
She's just as guilty as her ex and it's easy to see her game: for once in her life, she has nothing to lose. She was actually married to this goofball - he cheats so he falls in that category - but now she gets to play the role of the other woman. That's got to be a lot of fun. She was once in that situation (maybe it is something she doesn't want to confront or admit) and now there's all that excitement of being the 'forbidden fruit'! He's paying more attention to her now that she's not 'the old ball and chain' and that has to make her feel flattered! I'll bet he wasn't so up close and personal when they were headed for divorce court.
She still loves him - I'll bet NOT. I think even she knows that's a teeny tiny lie she can get away with. She wouldn't ever plan to get serious with someone who skunked around on his fiancee (he's in sleaze heaven because he's having sex with TWO women these days and they both say they love him). She'd never advise one of her children to marry someone so low (just like dear old Dad!) - do I see a downside to this? Only if he gets caught or she gets knocked up.
2007-04-10 10:24:21 · answer #4 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is just as guilty as her ex-husband is because she knows the situation. Now if she didn't know about the other girl and thought she was the only one then she would be innocent. I think your friend needs to come to the realization that her ex is just using her for sex and nothing will ever become of their relationship and he has told her so she should start to believe it.
2007-04-10 17:08:56 · answer #5 · answered by Nikki 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend obviously thinks she can win old LoverBoy back with booty calls, but I think she's nuts. The poor kids are getting so many mixed signals from their on-again-off-again-Daddy-who-is-marrying-someone-else, and their head-in-the-sand-Mommy. (Some shrink will be able to retire early, someday, after treating them for the issues this behavior will cause.)
The ex-husband is an ***. Your friend is a fool, and just as guilty as he is. She must not have much self-esteem if she's willing to be her husband's 'seconds'.
Best case scenario? The next time those two hook up, tell the fiancee, and let her 'accidentally' discover them, before she makes a huge mistake and marries this lout. If he's cheating now, he'll cheat after the wedding. And who's to say that your friend is the only flower he's pollinating right now? I sure hope he's wearing a condom....
2007-04-02 19:56:12 · answer #6 · answered by bzwithmybirds 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a classic example of "two wrongs don't make a right". Both your friend and her ex are guilty and both are setting a bad example to their children. Sex does not equate love. If your friend's ex-husband truly loved the woman he's about to marry, he would not be sleeping around. He is just using his former wife (your friend) as somebody to "get off on". Your friend needs to come to terms with this and move on in her life. Does she not realize she's only lowering her self-esteem and respect by allowing him into her house to do with her as he pleases?
2007-04-02 20:10:37 · answer #7 · answered by Pazin75 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She is not as guilty as she isn't the one engaged. She should remember why she got a divorce in the first place and stop living a dream that sleeping with him will get him back. For her sake and her self respect she should move on and stop pining over a cheater! Tell your friend good luck.
2007-04-10 10:22:04 · answer #8 · answered by generalj13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have to say that she is not innocent in this, but he should not be calling and coming to her house so that makes him the guilty party in this situation. It should be told to the girl that he to marry soon, as I would want to know what was going on before I married someone, if he was cheating or not.
2007-04-09 07:25:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your friend is guilty and time to throw away the key! What is sad is there are two small children involved. Too bad they aren't old enough to see how low their mother can be with sleeping with her ex who is also engage to another woman. She is a sleeze bag and so is he. They are both to blame. I really hope that his fiance finds out and doesn't marry creep.
Plus, now you know what is going on so you are a witness to this. What would you do?
Please tell your friend to leave him alone, she already had her share. I really hope this creep's fiance doesn't marry him. Because he is more likely to sleep with this b**ch again. Him and her are up to 'no good'.
2007-04-02 19:29:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋