Help me, I've fallen in love.....?

Question

The man in question, I'd met on the net a few months ago. He's unhappily married (with very grown up children, who themselves have family) and I'm going through a separation. We've been emailing each other and phoning at a very frequent basis. I really love him and he feels the same way for me too. We are hoping to meet soon. What are your opinions? Why do people regard it wrong to date a married man?

How can what we have be lust??We've been emailing and phoning on a very friendly basis, which has now grown to something more.

Answer 1

oh come on flower! aren't they all unhappily married men! they spin this sad story and sad lonely women fall for them women who they know don't think more of them selves then to be someones little Internet secret it sounds like you should be old enough to know that if he really "loved" and respected you he would have told his wife and family and left but let me guess they have a lot of bills a house and all kinds of other sad parts to the song he likes to sing! why don't you think your worth more? why is it wrong to date a married man you ask? did you have a big bowel of stupid for dinner? because he is married that's why and you should place a little value in that even if he does not if he loved you the point is clear you would not be something he is doing behind anyone's back and he would not sneak to see you he would be up front with it! please get some self worth and tell him when he grows a pair and tells his wife he wants out then you will see him till then your no ones dirty little secret and worth more then the left overs someone throws out after they give their real life the best they have to give!

Answer 2

If your going through a separation, then the last thing you need at this time is the complication of another relationship. Give yourself time to get over one relationship before moving into the next one. Be generous to yourself, looking after your health, your security and do things that help boost your self-esteem (that don't involve another man). Talk with girlfriends and relatives, your church (if that's your way) or a councillor and work out what you really need for yourself.
The problem with dating a married man is always part of his commitment will be with someone else. He can and will use his partner as a reason to avoid commitment, and a man who will cheats with you may also cheat on you. After all, you show him that it is acceptable to cheat, because you let him do it with you. My own partner told his mistress that his marriage had been over for years, that we had been estranged for years, that we were only together for the kids, etc. but the first I knew of this was when his mistress contacted me. Now for the really weird part. She was a nice lady in a bad situatiuon. We talked politely and discovered so many of the things he had told her, he was telling me the same. That he wanted to make this work, we were the love of his life, we made everything worthwhile that he couldn't live without us. If this sounds familiar RUN. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

So, while you were living with YOUR husband, it was OK with YOU that another female helped herself to YOUR husband when he felt unhappy? No telling what YOUR husband would tell the female? Of course she never got to hear YOUR side of the story. Plus, since YOUR husband now was a cheater, don't you think the female would think he would cheat on her someday too? Or had before already? I don't want to sound mean, but you are way over your head, and heading for a disaster. Talking to someone is a whole lot different than being literally with someone. Talk about a rebound situation, they never work, because they are happening for all the wrong reasons. They normally happening because people do not want to face the real pain they are going through. I hate to see you really hit rock bottom, I don't even know you, but if you don't wake up, and see things for what they really are, your going to be sorry.

Answer 4

It's wrong because he is in a committed relationship. Actually so are you, even though you are going through a separtation, you should be getting a divorce and so should he if you two want to pursue a relationship. Besides neither of you need all the complications that go with dating other people while they are married. It's strange how people can say I love him/her so much, when they haven't even met or went through anything together. You two just like the idea of being in love with eachother, the true test is what you two will do to be together (hopefully you do it with some dignity and respect) and how you two are when you are in a real relationship.

Answer 5

Yeah your in love, and a good example of love is blind, but didn't realize it makes you lose your common sense not to mention morals...your going thru a tough time right now, separation, which means your marriage is falling apart and your already falling in love with someone else and they are married, no wonder your first marriage didn't work out, there are consequences to making bad choices and your already starting off on the wrong foot with your next relationship! If you don't have a clue what I am talking about, ask the wife of the man your falling in love with, she will clear your head and knock some sense into it.

Answer 6

You asked: Why do people regard it wrong to date a married man?
Wow is this really that unintuitive? The answer is simple, because you are knowingly hurting someone else, acting out of selfishness and disrespect. If this man really cared about you he would never do this, he would get a divorce and then you two could date/see each other. It is wrong to date a married man because it is so simple to get a divorce these days, so you dont have to hurt anyone. Don't be so selfish and inconsiderate.

Answer 7

If he's willing to cheat on his wife, you should avoid him.

There is no way to truly know this guy until you have seen how he behaves in a wide variety of different and difficult situations. It's easy to fall in love with someone who's sitting on their butt typing on a keyboard. They'll always have their best foot forward. This is why long distance relationships rarely have any shelf life.

This man may turn out to be right for you, but it's a long shot so please don't let your happiness depend on it.

While I would never judge anyone for being "in the market" before they're completely out of their current attachments, it is really not a good idea for lots of reasons. You should be absolutely sure he's actually in the process of getting out of his marriage before getting involved.

Put yourself in his wife's place. How would you feel? If things don't work out between you two, would he just stay with his wife? If he's not willing to treat his wife with respect, then he will likely treat you no better.

I hope this helps.

Answer 8

are you crazy?!!! it's wrong because what you're doing is committing adultery!!
I think you're getting yourself into a great big mess and it's all going to blow up on you sooner or later.
you need to have some respect for this man's wife!! I'm sure you wouldn't want to be in her shoes right now.
this is some random man that you met on the internet who told you that he's unhappily married, and now he loves you?!!
I seriously doubt that what he's feeling for you is love. and there's no telling how many other women he's telling this same old "poor me" story to.
even if he did leave his wife to be with you, do you really think that you're so special to him that he wouldn't cheat on you too?!!
you need to quit living in your own little fantasy world, and straighten up. stop talking to this man. change your e-mail address, telephone number or whatever you need to do to completely stop all contact with him.
you are both married people. and you're both cheating on your spouses.

Answer 9

the only thing i would tell you, is if he cheats like that on his wife then what would make u think he wouldnt cheat on you too.. "oh but he loves me" that isnt gonna work for you because he loved his wife enough to have a family and hes still married to her so im sure he loves her too.. after all they have a family together there still has to be love there.. if i was you id be really careful with this guy because a respectful man wouldnt do that to his wife. If he was a true good guy he would wait to be divorced to talk to other women.. also, its easy to talk on the phone and online but in person things could be sooo different.. dont get ahead of yourself.. and the answer to your question is, its WRONG to date a married man because marriage is supposed to be a SACRED thing and apparently nobody believes in that anymore because the divorce rate is skyrocketing. BE SMART. if thsi guy doesnt value his life with his wife and family enough to wait till hes divorced then what makes u think he would value your relationship with him????

oh and also.. you never know HER SIDE of the story about their marriage.. who knows if he beats her or something, or if he has cheated on other occasions, or if he is a compulsive liar... or anything ya know?? BE CAREFUL THATS ALL. you NEVER know someone like you think. and obviously his wife doesnt know him too well or else im sure she would divorce him knowing hes cheating with you..!

Answer 10

What if the one you are separating from is setting you up? Perhaps setting you up for grounds for divorce?

Asking for his SSN COULD be a test to see if he trust YOU as much as you trust HIM !!

However, is it not true that we want a bandaid WHILE we're hurting... NOT after the boo-boo is all better.

I have learned what our inner radar is for.... but it DOES seem unromantic to actually USE it.

If you are not a memnber of PREPAID LEGAL, you may now be interested. EYE am damm glad to have it.

Wot if a PI checks out the IP of your beloved?

Prudence - it's MUCH more than a GIRLIE name.