Why do men run away from their duties as a father, knowing that they're the father of their children?

Question

Here is the situation- A guy sleeps with a woman, and the woman then finds out she is pregnant. The guy is never there for the woman throughout her pregnancy, not even for the birth of the child. Now that the child is born, the woman is doing the best she can to provide for her child, being both mother and father. Meanwhile, the guy is out doing this same thing to other women, and not taking care of his responsibilities as a father. Why is it that the guy can take time to make a baby, but can't seem to take care of the baby? I want to know what you think about this.

Answer 1

Some men, not all men, only think about themselves. I mean, yes men have feelings too but running out on an innocent child isn't the answer. Have they stopped to consider what long term effect that will have on their child when they grow up? It is so sad cause they have time to make a baby but they act like they don't have time to take care of the baby? Everything you do in life has a repercussions and/or consequences, whether they are good or bad. It is such a shame that a man would leave such a huge responsibility on the mother of the child and he just bail out, and vice versa. The men that ran out on their children should be more than ashamed of themselves. I mean what did the child do to you for you not to be there in their lives when they need you the most. Missing out on a child growing up is so sad because it is a wonderful thing to see. You taught this child to become the best man/woman that they can be and the way you raise a child reflects on your parenting skills. A woman can do all she can for a son but it takes a real man to teach a boy how to become a man. And it also takes a real man to show a young lady how she should be treated by a man. I applaud the single men and women taking care of their children because it is hard and people don't know a thing unless they walked in your shoes. I'm a single mother of 2 myself and I have pity on my children's father because he is the one missing out on such wonderful things, not me. The only wonderful thing that I've gotten out of that relationship was two amazing and beautiful children. So men, if you aren't ready to become fathers and grow up, don't have sex....period. If you do, wrap it up and quit telling females that if they "love" you they would sleep with you without using protection. Think before you act.

Answer 2

On the one hand I agree with what your implying that the guy needs to take responsibility and pay for his baby..

But there is another side to it. Women have a choice when they get pregnant. They can have the baby or they can have an abortion. It may not be much of a choice but it is a choice. Men don't have the same options. If the woman doesn't want the baby and the man does well it sucks to be him he can't make her have the baby so he can raise it. On the other hand if the woman decides to have the baby again he doesn't have a choice if he doesn't want it. We say its your baby now pay for it and hes saying if I had a choice I wouldn't have had the baby..

I don't know its wrong and it sucks for the baby and for the mother who has to raise the baby on her own and if the guy is still out there making more babies he hasn't even learned from past experiences.. Its just a bad situation.

Answer 3

I'm not trying to sound insensitive, but this wouldn't even be an issue in our society if people would just get married... this scenario happens all too often and it's infuriating.

I'm not holier-than-thou either, my mom was in this exact same situation, but luckily, my dad behaved like a man and married her so I had a "family life" and my dad provided for us without ever once complaining. I know I'm a mistake technically, but my parents never once vocalized that they felt that way. They did the best they could for us, even though I'm sure it isn't how they planned for things to go.

If everyone waited until marriage to have sex (guys AND girls), you wouldn't see this as much. Of course there's always going to be the dead beat who runs off when an unplanned pregnancy occurs, but then at least the wife has secured legal rights.

And anyone who says that this is an example of a male's "need to breed" instinct is ridiculous. Men are supposed to be self-controlled and have a sense of honor, not behave like animals... I hope I have all boys because I want to raise some real men who know how to treat women!

Answer 4

Over one-third of all births are out-of-wedlock. The majority of these children do not have the benefit of a loving father committed relationship. You ask why aren't the mothers of these children making better choices in the men they sleep with? Pregnant couples use many different excuses to not marry before their precious child is born. Shameful!
You sound mature enough to realize that the deadbeat dad is shameful and we're grateful you asked the question.

Answer 5

I think they do not want that responsibility and those men (which I hate calling them that) get out easily without any care for anyone else. However, not all men are like that and what several stupid men do, do not make all men seem like that. Also, it's easier to call a woman a slut etc, but the man that does the same thing does not think he is a man slut (putting it nicely). I also think sometimes women seem to be drawn to those types of men (not all because I never was and I know that many other women have not). Who knows.

Answer 6

Have him castrated. Just kidding. It's simple: Women should just use their heads when it comes to sleeping with dead beat men. There must be some telltale signs already. The 47 missed calls from his 6 kids' mothers. The police arresting him for non-payment of child support, and his impending court date for the new baby. If you are that hard up for some loving, at least use protection.

Oh, yeah... Should the need for revenge come up, just rent a billboard down town and paste his picture up there as a warning to other women. There are men out there that respect a strong women.

Answer 7

this is something that has become extremely (but sadly) common in this country... and most people are familiar with it.. The problem doesnt begin with the father of the child walking out on the impregnated mother... it begins with how he was raised... the more and more we advance in time, the less and less 'boys' are taught to be 'men'... mothers now days dont teach thier boys to commit and take responsibility for thier actions, no matter what they are... they allow them to do what they want and use the excuse that they are teaching them "independance" ... yea , whatever! there are ways to do that while still teaching them to be responsible... but in some cases, parents now are more worried about meeting the 'material needs' of thier children and thier selves so they work thier butts off trying to afford nice cars and big houses and eventually therapists and prescriptions because they simply cannot figure out why in the world thier kids are acting out or depressed... they are giving them everything they want, right? yea... what they want but not what they need... thus neglecting them emotionally and giving them the false impression that material/other things can suffice for parenting... and in other cases, parents are simply not ready to be parents and they dont believe that even though they physically hold that baby in thier hands, why should they have to put thier lives on hold for a simple baby... ? so they treat it like you would a puppy that is dumped in your front yard... initially you think its cute and you want to take care of it... but after a short while you realize you have better things to do... in this case not only are the kids being neglected physically and emotionally but being shown that its ok to ignore your responsibilities... im not saying that it is ok for guys to be like this nor am i making excuses for them... believe me! I am a single mother of three wonderful little boys... But I will tell you something... they wont turn out like their father!!!

Answer 8

The father of my boys is the same way...the only difference is that my kids were 3 and 5mths when he took off. They dont want the responsibilty, they want to continue with their life and having kids, to some of them, is being tied down and they cant come and go as they please. I think, in my situation, i just gave up...i tried all i could to get him to see his kids and he refused so i said fine whatever and i gave up and he has now lost custody of the kids....sometimes its just not worth it. It sounds like u are doing a fabulous job and if he wants no part, then that is his loss, but i think u should be taking action to get him to pay child support...whether he likes it or not, he is financially responsible til that child turns 18 and even longer if they go to school. good luck to you and i hope u get everything worked out.

Answer 9

First, you never mentioned if the two were emotionally attached. I dont want to offend anybody here but looking it the other way around, a deeper question could be raised from the situation you gave. If the two are not emotionally attached to each other, then we may say that what happened between them is just adventurism and nobody should be blamed for that. If i would put myself in the guy's shoes, I would'nt accept responsibility for a child unless there is proof that it is mine. You see, there are lots of cases wherein the guy is made to answer for the responsibility of another man. What if it is not his?
But if it is his, then he should man enough to face obligations. Any man who does not care for his own is like a rotten fish fit to be dumped in garbage. He shouldn't be given the honor and pleasure of being called "father or dad" because that is one thing that separates the real men from the dumb.

Answer 10

Easy question. Because 9 times out of 10, the guy is there for the SEX- not for a commitment. And child rearing is a commitment. So as soon as they hear that a baby is "on the way" -that's when they "fade out of the picture" & begin looking for another non-commital relationship.