Have been married 6 yrs getting a divorce not a good relationship he cheated and got his ex. wife pregnant. I had a long standing on an off affair with an ex.bf that i am 100% sure he is father of my 3 yr old son because i was seperated from my hubby when son was concieved.I had a paternity test done just to make sure.Doing a paternity test on my daughter 5 yrs old revealed she is the product of the same affair sons blood was used for the test.My ex.bf has been married 4 yrs to someone else she cant have children(or not likley) as a side effect of yrs of taking the pill .I do not want to hurt this woman is there a way for me to alert the other man get child support and her not find out?
2007-04-02 17:52:01 · 13 answers · asked by Bella C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no because you have to go to court to get it ordered or do it on the side with him but depending on the amount i am sure she will notice so if you want the money which you should for you children's sake you both played and made these kids they should be provided for by both parents then you need to tell him that you plan on pursuing child support and now need to know how he wants to handle it because if you go to court she will find out or even if you guys go to a private lawyer and draw up papers she might find out when money is missing every month but either way its gonna come out!
2007-04-02 17:59:59 · answer #1 · answered by peterpansdate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You are in a pickle. Sadly, I don't think it would be possible to keep the wife out of it. Sometimes you have to deal with the difficult consequences you create. Take responsibility and don't make your kids pay for your mistakes. Speak with him beforehand and see if there is a peaceful way to handle the situation. It's too late to not hurt her, but if you can all get along, maybe your child can benefit from her love as well. It may take time, counseling, but you will find that not having to live that lie is a weight off your shoulders.
2007-04-03 00:58:32 · answer #2 · answered by famurattla 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would alert him of this and let her find out. What difference does it make whether she finds out now or later? He has a right to know he has children and she has a right to know he had an affair. If there wasn't a child involved then I would not create an issue. Since there is, she needs to know as well. She may be mad at you at first but after the initial shock maybe things will work out and both of you can reach some kind of agreement about child support.
2007-04-03 01:04:19 · answer #3 · answered by Busy Lady 2010 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he and his wife file a joint income tax return, and if she looks at the return, she will see that he is paying money for child support. Maybe. She may simply sign the returns and trust him to check them. Depends on how they do it in that family. Otherwise, if she does the family boo keeping she will notice that the outgo doesn't match her records. So much depends on information you don't have. Besides, you don't known if he's willing to pay child support. If you have to go to court to get a court order, then his wife is almost certain to find out. But incidentally, many states have a rule that any child born during a marriage is the product of that marriage. Check you state laws on that. Good luck.
2007-04-03 00:59:25 · answer #4 · answered by judgebill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a sticky situation. If you tell your ex bf this, there are no guarantees his wife won't find out.
And even if he tries to hide it, the truth will come out eventually. Besides, you don't know how your x bf will react to this info either, do you?
What I'm trying to get at is, if you decide to tell him about his child, there's a very high risk that you will end up destroying his marriage as well.
2007-04-03 00:58:41 · answer #5 · answered by Aurora 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think so. the truth needs to be told anyway because the other woman has a right to know. and the man who is the father of your children needs to be supporting his children.
this is a bad situation to be in, but I really don't think keeping secrets is the right thing to do.
Best Wishes
2007-04-03 01:53:40 · answer #6 · answered by atiana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't do it without her finding out. when you file for support and you can despite it being from an affair he will have to fill out financial reports for all persons living in his house including hers although her income will not be touched.
as for hurting her, you should have thought about her feelings before sleeping with her husband. that hurts too ya know even if you didn't get pregnant chances are she would find out sooner or later.
2007-04-03 01:01:23 · answer #7 · answered by jezbnme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! Just come clean and let the chips fall where they may. If you hold this secret and it gets out it will only be worse. Good luck!
2007-04-03 01:00:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope..
And you might not be able to get child support either..
It was the result of an Adulterous affair...
Separation means nothing...
You were still legally married...
2007-04-03 00:56:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Of course, she will find out and be very hurt.
What a mess you have created for your innocent children!
2007-04-03 01:05:33 · answer #10 · answered by jom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋