I need help! I totally stress out whenever a holiday comes up about splitting the days with my family. I am an only child and I have been married to my husband (he is the eldest of 5) for 2 1/2 years. We have been splitting the holidays evenly over the past two years. For example, this year we went to my mom's for thanksgiving, and christmas eve and his mom's for christmas day. Now for Palm Sunday we went to his mom's and Easter is with my mom's. This all seems to work out.....however, my mom wants her "holidays" to be strictly hers. She doesn't want my husband and I to see the inlaws on Easter (for breakfast) because she thinks that it is her day only since we were at his mom's on Palm Sunday. We don't have kids yet, but when we do I want to stay home in the morning for Santa and the Easter Bunny. Idk what to do.....eventually i will want to start our own traditions and then go to one family for dinner. However, I worry very much about my mom since she has no other children
2007-04-02 14:30:26 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Holidays ➔ Christmas
What i really want to know......Should I split each holiday and visit all the families? Or should I fairly alternate the holidays between families and make it strictly their day? Thanks!
2007-04-02 14:37:38 · update #1
You need to explain to your mom that you are married, and that that means that you MUST divide your time on major holidays between her and your mother in law. If your mother does not like this, then that's too bad. After all, what is your alternative? Not seeing her at all? Stop feeling guilty, you are managing to divide your time pretty well, and you should remind your mother and mother in law that because you are so careful to divide your time on holidays between them, you and your husband have NO time for each other. Swing the guilt trip back onto your mom and stop feeling bad.
2007-04-05 11:37:18 · answer #1 · answered by teacupn 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hmmm...it is SO hard to do these things -- my BF and I have been together for 5 yrs now and we do Christmas Eve with his parents and Christmas day with mine....they live about 1 1/2 apart. Then it seems that we have been spending other Holidays just with our own families...it is hard but it is hard enough to juggle the other holidays that we just kind of give up. For thanksgiving last year his parents came over to my parents and we had a big thanksgiving dinner -- that worked out really well....we are both only children so that makes it hard too. This last year we really wanted to have our own Christmas just the two of us...but that didn't happen....my cousin has 2 kids and her husbands family lives in Vegas - so they have been spending thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with hers....
good luck....it will all work out...but not everyone will be happy about it!
2007-04-04 23:58:09 · answer #2 · answered by doubt133 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why not have it at your house and invite both. Maybe it would work and maybe not.
We have Christmas Breakfast (Christmas day) and then my grown kids are free to go and visit the others. We don't get together on the 24 that is their day too. Thanksgiving is sometimes shifts. Every other year. Go for what is less stressful for you as a couple.
2007-04-05 23:45:23 · answer #3 · answered by Glenda 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
We did that for years it is to nerve racking. what we do now is we celebrate holidays at home.
I think it is better that way.
We have Thanksgiving dinner at home, then we will go and have pie and coffee with the family.
At Christmas, we deliver presents on Christmas Eve and spend Christmas day at home. With our children.
I think that is real important. Think about it you let the kids open all their presents and then they can't play with them they have to be rushed into the shower and into clothes they find uncomfortable and off the Grandmas house where you spend most of your time hollering at them because they are bored and whiny.
On Easter I through a cook out and Easter Egg hunt at my house and invite every one over.
I know your mom wants you there and his family wants him with them but it is not fair to you to have to spend every Holiday stressed out. And feeling guilty.
I guess you could always invite every one to your house for Holidays. That away both sides gets to spend the day with both of you.
Good luck
2007-04-04 01:21:04 · answer #4 · answered by angie 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's so hard to make a schedule and stick to it year after year, holiday after holiday. Circumstances such as weather, travel, distance, work schedules, school schedules, will all alter the plans so you, and your families, have to be flexible, and hopefully understanding. You are right also to want to eventually start your own traditions that will make it so you stay in your own home for the holidays.
For our first few Christmases we visted my parents, Thanksgiving his parents. But then as we had children, and it was snowy, it made it harder to visit my parents in winter, so we did both Christmas and Thanksgiving with his family, and summer vacation holidays with mine. If they both lived in the same town though, I really can't see anything wrong with spending part of the day at your Mom's and part of the day at your Mother in laws. Your Mom needs to understand and not be selfish with her time, if she wants to keep a good relationship with you and her son in law!
2007-04-03 13:13:11 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet n Sour 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Our families are far apart so there's a lot of running required.
on Christmas Eve during the day I prepare food I'm taking to people's houses....In the evening, we go to my grandma's house.
On Christmas morning, we go to my mother and father's house the have dinner at lunchtime so we spend half the day there. we visit and then clean up.
Then we drive an hour to the in laws they always get together later so it all works out and we get to see everyone.
2007-04-03 20:39:09 · answer #6 · answered by bernel1403 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
to me, it sounds like your mom is being very selfish. Palm Sunday is not her day, it's God's. Split everything evenly. Have breakfast with the inlaws, then dinner with her. If she gets upset, well, she needs to learn that her baby is an adult with adult responsibilites.
2007-04-04 10:14:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I live right next door to both, so my mom usually gets first dibs on us, because that is the way my husband and I both want. His mom doesn't contribute much into anything and especially her grandchild's life. So, we go to our family first then down to her house, so we actually get both in on the same days.............When you have children your mom should respect the fact that you want to start traditions of your own, that is what she is doing, everyone is going to have to get the picture that you and yours and startig your own family..good luck
2007-04-04 06:41:19 · answer #8 · answered by buckeyefever7 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ask your Mom if she would like to travel with you (pursuant to approval from the people you will be visiting) and that way you visit both.
2007-04-05 11:26:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
What fiance and I do is take turns.
One year we spend Xmas with my folks and Thanksgiving with his folks.
The next year we spend Xmas with his folks and Thanksgiving with my folks.
If mom doesn't like it, too bad.
2007-04-03 12:37:13 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋