My husbands son from a previous marriage has revently moved in with us. He is 16 and before now he only came over maybe once a month for a couple of days and we all have always got along well. But now I have become the disciplinarian and I have found out that at his old school he had gotten suspended, had ISS, or was wrote up 13 times this year so far and am trying to get him to stay in school and out of trouble. My husband will not make him mind and my husband works out of town mon-fri and doesn't have to deal with day to day problems. We are arguing more and more. What should I do. My husband is threatening to move out and go live where he works at all week which is in another state.
2007-04-02 14:22:40 · 20 answers · asked by susan9 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Darn, you married a prize. Hubby expects you to handle HIS son- and threatens to move if you complain???? Lady, that sucks. And, you'd be stupid to put up with this silliness. Also, at 16, the kid is too old to be behaving like a silly little kid. He should be held accountable for his actions. But, only his Dad can do that. You, without support from hubby can't handle or help with this kid's problems. Sorry to say this, but Hubby's attitude would be a deal breaker- IF he won't listen to you and get involved in his son and his problems. Good luck, you'll need it.
2007-04-02 14:43:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He apparently moved in with you both, because he was a problem for his mother. It may be time for counseling for him, or family counseling for all of you. It sounds like the father definitely needs to take a more active role. If not possible, maybe an uncle or grandfather or close male family friend could spend more time with your step-son. Regardless, he is at a difficult age and he will be 18 in less than two years.....he may do some growing up between now and then. Otherwise, he will have to when he is an adult and doesn't need as much support from you. Stick it out if your marriage is a good one, it will only get better....and won't last forever! Good luck!
2007-04-02 14:33:37 · answer #2 · answered by bubblingbroo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is the disciplinarian. You are the nurturing one.
Realizing your husband is stressed because he is away from home but he has to deal with it. The boy needs to follow the rules and that means in the house as well as going to school and doing the required work. School is a job!!
It's pretty simple. Whatever the reason is for the boy moving in your first responsibility is to your husband and likewise. Nothing can come between that; your husband will respect that!!
~Good luck
2007-04-02 15:39:53 · answer #3 · answered by bubbba2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and have a serious talk with your husband. Let him know that his son is his legal responsibility not yours. Let him know that if he doesn't start making him mind that you are going to send his son with him during the week. It is great to be a caring, concerned step-mother, but there comes a time when you need to draw the line. Is he threatening to move and leave the son with you? I would let him know that if he goes, his son goes with him. Wouldn't take him long to see the error of his ways if he had to miss work because his son got in trouble. But anyway, it isn't your responsibility to be the disciplinarian. Tell him so...let him know that you are done dealing with it and it is his baby now...literally. Stand up for yourself woman!
2007-04-02 14:42:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being in between a Rock and a Hard-Spot can be a rough situation, and yours certainly fills that bill. Sounds like the father has. a " Dad " problem, or what is known as " no marbles " when it comes to His son's problems, and dropping it in your lap isn't very cool for sure. But, bottom-line is legally His responsibility is to take care of his son from a previous marriage, you helping s great, but fair is fair. Maybe a "let's all sit down and get this situation solved" needs to happen.......SOON !! Good Luck and God Bless !!
2007-04-02 14:39:00 · answer #5 · answered by fuzzypetshop 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Susan,
I know EXACTLY what you are going thru. Except this was a stepDAUGHTER. I dealt with that mess for about a year. I went everywhere looking for answers including here. My hubby is over the road trucker so he was home even less than yours. In May it will be 2 yrs since we sent her back with her Mom. We are still having some issues of that terrible time, but I really think we can get through it. At the time I really thought we would divorce. One of the things that finally made sense to me was, We all love our children but we are with our spouses the rest of our lives. If you want we can talk thru email about the things i tried that did and didnt work. Just know that someone else has been thru this helps alittle. Take care.
2007-04-02 15:04:13 · answer #6 · answered by linluv2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calmly remind your husband that this is his child, and the both of you need to be in agreement about how the raise / discipline him. Ask him if he thinks his son's behavior, or what solutions HE has for dealing with him. Tell him that its too much for you to manage on your own and you're looking for a solution that will benefit everyone.
Ask him if he would consider going to family counseling to help everyone adjust to the new living arrangements. He can't run from his son or his marriage. If he's unwilling to commit to working on both, then I'D be the one packing up and moving out until he came to his senses.
2007-04-02 14:38:59 · answer #7 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, what happened to being a Father and Husband? Just because you and his son are having some problems would not be a reason to jump ship. He should be making sure his son is doing what he is suppose to and it shouldn't just fall to you all the time. If this kid is such a problem his dad should be more concerned about taking care of his problems and finding out what is going on. Sounds as if he expected you to rasie him.
2007-04-02 15:12:03 · answer #8 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you try to find out what is troubling your step-son. Maybe if you could show him that you care about him and want to help him, he may not be as much trouble as he is. Most children like this are just rebelling because they think no-one cares enough about them. By rights it should be your husband's responsibility, but it looks and sounds like he doesn't want anything to do with the problem.
2007-04-02 14:36:29 · answer #9 · answered by Alwyn C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not the son's mother. Let him be. You can't change the way he was raised or how your husband raises him. If he was a lot younger, maybe. But he will be out of the house in two years.
Why take on the role as a disciplinarian?
2007-04-02 14:33:48 · answer #10 · answered by Sarah 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋