Guilty for not breast feeding?

Question

My son is 5 days old and I have tried to breast feed, I know all the benefits and feel that it is a great choice, how ever we have serious complications; he wont lack on, I am too big, and he doesnt eat enough to prevent me from terrible engorment, so I have decided to exclusively pump, but I cant help but to feel terribely like a failure... I dont know where to turn for resources or info on exclusive pump feeding.. again I feel like a failure..
and on top of everything I took him to the doctor today and he has lost weight, I just feel like the worlds worst mom.. I cant even take care of my child..

Answer 1

Welcome to the baby blues! Be aware that a big chunk of what you're going through is actually hormonal. It will pass, no matter what decision you make! When my son was 7 days old I sat sobbing that we'd never get it and that I was a terrible mother. I had a traumatic birthing experience (c-section w/general anesthesia) and wasn't able to see my son right away, so I was convinced that the breastfeeding relationship was over. I contacted my local La Leche League leader. It can be really difficult to reach out like this, especially when you're under the influence of not enough sleep and crazy hormones. I'm sure she told me a lot of things, but the most important one, and the one that stuck with me, was "Trust your instincts. You know your body and your baby better than anyone." After that I was able to relax enough that my son finally latched on. I still had to do a combination of pumping and latching at the beginning, but we gradually got it. If you can get in touch with a La Leche League volunteer (see www.llli.org to find your local group) or a lactation consultant, or both, you may find a solution. Even if you don't, know you are doing your best for your baby. Pumping may be less convenient than "straight from the source" feeding, but you are giving your son a wonderful gift. Good luck!

Answer 2

You are doing a great job! My son was born 11 weeks early and had to be on a feeding tube so I pumped breast milk for him for the 10 weeks he was in the hospital. He had a hard time latching on too, and when he came home I had to switch him to formula because I was not making enough milk for him. He is now 2 1/2, and he is very healthy, active, and we have an incredibly strong bond, even though I could not actually breastfeed him. Don't let people tell you that you are a failure! And babies almost always lose weight after being born, but it will come back soon.

Answer 3

I just gave birth to my third child in January. I started nursing her right away. She lost weight until her 4 week check-up and at that time, she was only half a pound bigger than her birth weight. The fact is that breast milk babies grow at a slower rate than formula-fed babies. This is the norm! Formula feeding and ending up with gigantic babies is not.

Whether you nurse or pump, the baby is still getting all the benefits of your milk. I've started pumping exclusively because I'm getting ready to go back to work and my daughter will be in daycare. As long as you pump often (at least every three hours) and do it regularly, your milk supply will keep up with the baby's demand.

Make sure you have a good, efficient and convenient pump. I use the manual Avent ISIS and it is wonderful! It has been through two babies with me. Don't be discouraged, but when your baby is about 3 or 4 weeks old, you will start to see a decrease in your volume of milk. Just keep pumping and it will come back up.

It's a big committment to pump exclusively, but I found that it's well worth it. I tried giving my baby formula one evening and she spent hours crying with an upset stomach and vomiting. The battle of finding the right formula and dealing with the tummy aches until then is just not worth it to me. I'd rather go the extra mile and have a happy, comfortable baby.

Continue to make eye contact and talk to your baby while you're bottle feeding your breast milk. The bonding is still amazing!! Good luck!!!

www.kellymom.com has some great info!

Answer 4

That is totally not true. You are a great mom. If your not happy than your baby is going to sense that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with pumping and supplementing. My daughter is five and is in excellent health and is very smart for her age. (her teacher told me so) I only got to breast feed for 4 days. You are not a failure. Sometimes this stuff happens and you shouldn't feel bad at all. There is just too much pressure. You'll be OK, sorry I don't have any resources for you, but coming from another mom that didn't breast feed that long, it will be OK.

Answer 5

dont feel like a failure, u make me feel sad when i read that

im a mum of 4 and im still breastfeeding my 4th at the moment
but i only breastfed my 1st for 3days and started on formula, my nipples were bleeding and she was always crying, so i quit
i cried for days when i did, but she is 10years old now and i have no regrets, she never got eczema and food allergies like my breastfed babies, and i fed them for 2years
i reckon breastfeeding made no difference in the health department, u can exclusively pump, my friends is 8weeks and her baby has never been able to latch on, so she has to express every meal
if u do persist with the breast it will get better, but sometimes it dosent
if u go bottle you will feel guilty, but u get over it, and u will never think of it again, i didnt
u r a great mum, u have a beautiful baby, and your job is to look after your baby, not just feed it, there r alot more jobs u gotta do for your baby

good luck

Answer 6

You shouldn't feel guilty. He's still getting breast milk. doesn't matter that it he is getting it out of a bottle. You should call your doctor or the hospital where you had your son they should have numbers of some support groups. When I had my son the lady used to come right to the house and I could call them whenever I needed. I wasn't making enough milk so I had to give formula. Your not a failure sounds like your doing a great job. Relax and enjoy your baby.

Answer 7

Hello Mama
Congratulations!
Well this happened to me about less than 6 weeks ago when i had my baby. My son wouldn't latch on, he pushes his tongue, he just didn't know how to nurse. the lactation specialists did everything they could to help him latch on and they didn't want to give him the bottle even if he was crying all the time from being hungry. he kept me awke all night during my 3 nights at the hospital plus i was hurting from my c section. he lost 10% of his weight during the first 2 days, so they gave him a little bit of formula until my milk came and i could pump. I had to pump my milk every two to three hours to relieve pressure. if you don't pump very often you will get engorged and might get a fever like me. i kept on trying to give my baby my breast but refused refused refused. now i exclusively pump and still give him my milk in a bottle.
at first i didn't want to accept the idea of my son not wanting to nurse but i'm happy now because he can still get the nutrients and antibodies from my milk.
just keep pumping every 2 hours, if you wait too long your milk will reduce like what happened to me!
the only thing i hate about this is that at night i get up to pump, feed the baby change him so it's more time.
please don't feel so bad. it's not your fault, nobody's fault.

Answer 8

Dont feel bad, i felt this same way but its only because everyone tells you to breast feed and they look down on you for not breasfeeding. Its totally normal for your baby to loose weight at first, as long as with in 1-2 weeks they ging some wieght, then your baby is fine. Dont worry about the pumping he as atleast still getting breast milk. My best friend couldnt breast feed beacause she ended up having kidney infections which made her really sick so she was on medication and had to resort to formula for her baby, she too felt incredibly guilty about it but there was nothing she could do. Have you gone to a WIC office to try and see if someone could help you with this? WIC's job is to help women with breastfeeding, and if not that atleast they can help with pumping techniques so that you still produce enough breast milk. I hope everything gets better and really dont feel like the worst mom, some people abondon their kids and you cared so much about your baby you came onto this site for advice, so your doing something about it you havent failed your child. Good Luck.............

Answer 9

Your doing fine, your baby is still getting the good stuff. Try to pump then feed him it might be easier. There are support groups for new moms learning to feed their babies. You might try calling the hospital and asking them for the number. But don't feel bad your doing great and trying is the best thing. And you can take care of your baby you and him are getting to know each other. And if your getting to stressed out giving him a bottle is not the worst thing.

Answer 10

Contact your local La Leche group, they are in the yellow pages, call the OB floor at the hospital, they should be able to put you in touch with a lactation expert, there should be a nurse there who can help, your own OB/GYN should be able to help, the pediatrition should have said something and PLEASE DO NOT WORRY about the weight loss in your newborn, a loss of up to 10% in the first week is normal. the ped should have told you this. breastfeeding isn't a piece of cake sometimes. my first we struggled because of the same issue poor latching, large breast and painful engorgement. the engorgememt is normal right now and will pass, the milk is officially in and the colosturm phase is over. if you are supplementing with a bottle at this point he may be "nipple confused" and it will just take a little longer but it is doable.
I can give you some pointers here but consulting the La Leche League in your area for hands on help will benefit you and your baby. i am currently nursing my third so I do have some experience.
1. painful engorgement....prior to nursing take a warm washcloth apply to breast and either pump little or hand express to soften the nipple area
2. postioning.... try different positions...the common cradle hold, th e football hold, hold baby like a football on the same side as you are trying to nurse, but at slight upward angle, then also try lying down on the bed and with the baby facing you
3. latching on....tickle baby's cheek this will cause him to open his mouth in the sucking reflex, open his mouth wider by gently tugging on his chin and place nipple in his mouth toward the roof of his mouth with as much of the aerola as possible in

I wish I was there to help you because i help others like you here but there are resources for you to turn to in your area, please do so. Many blessings to you and your baby. Never think that you are the world's worst mom, inexperience does not make you bad.