my husband and i have been married for 10 years. we have been taking care of 2 kids that his ex-wife didnt want for 6 years now &they are 8 and 9) she comes around when she feels like it, which isnt enough. she calls the house when she needs something but never asks about the kids much less to speak to them. about a month ago, she demanded to spend a weekend with her kids. because her request was rare, my husband went ahead and allowed them to go. he said that he knows they want to spend time with their mother and that they would see what type of MOM she really was. when she dropped them off she complained about how we are raising them and them calling me mom. she told them never to call me mom which upset the boys. because i saw how upset they were , i couldnt control myself, i called her and tried to speak nicely. she went off so i told her how bad of a mother she was. this has started a war between her and i. was i wrong to stand up for MY BOYS? my husband supports me.
2007-04-02 13:04:30 · 20 answers · asked by o m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no! you were not wrong and someone needs to remind her that being a mother does not happen just because you birth a child in to this world what makes a mother is all the work-time-love-commitment that goes in to it a child so you are their mother and she just needs to get over it and until she does i would not discuss it with her again and i would tell the boys to tell her what she wants to hear for now so she wont bother them about it but for them to know in their heart that it is OK and so at home nothing has changed and they are doing nothing wrong or hurtful toward her and so telling her OK no problem is OK if if its maybe not true!
2007-04-02 13:24:25 · answer #1 · answered by peterpansdate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are one hundred percent correct in standing up for your boys. This is not a good situation, I am glad to hear that your husband supports you in this reaction.
As a couple the two of you may want to discuss only having her have supervised visits with the boys. I have seen this type of thing happen too many times where the non-custodial parent wants back into the situation when most of the hard work is over (the actual formative years of raising the children.)
The children obviously consider you to be their mother, because you have chosen to be, and it is totally their decision to call you whatever they are comfortable with.
Obviously, she can complain about how the boys are being raised, but she has allowed it to happen by choosing to not be involved in their lives.
If the war between the two of you continues, you may have to let your husband handle the communication with her until the next series of complaints hits.
Good luck and thanks for being a great Mom to the two boys, children are an incredible addition to our lives.
Have a good night.
2007-04-02 13:28:08 · answer #2 · answered by Sue F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What did your conversation with her accomplish for the boys? How did it make their lives any better?
Your husband hasn't been taking care of two kids that his ex-wife didn't want. He's been taking care of *his* children.
It's unfortunate that their mother isn't everything she should be for them. (Was she like that when he impregnated her?) But, he's got to do the best he can for them despite the fact that mom isn't a great parent. Sounds like he is, for the most part. And, so are you, by stepping up to the plate to support him as he parents his kids.
How sad for her that she's missing out on this opportunity. Why let anything she says bother you (or the boys)? If it were me, I'd let the boys know that she *is* mom, but that she's just not ready to be a parent for them. Let them call you what they want. But, I think I'd be encouraging them to feel sorry for her more than anything else. And, encourage them to make up their own minds regarding their relationship with you.
2007-04-02 13:52:04 · answer #3 · answered by Maureen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you did the right thing.Stand up to her if is she a loser of a mom. Let the boys know how much of a loser she is and show them how great of a mother you can be and are to them by the sounds of it. I like how your husband supports you on this matter. Keep up the good work and show her how a real mom should be there all the time for your children not when you feel like it.
2007-04-02 13:24:51 · answer #4 · answered by Missy C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
personally I do not think you were wrong at all. if their biological mother was more involved in their life, it would be different. however, since she has pretty much been nonexistent until recently, I feel you were justified. I would not advice this behavior in front of the kids, especially not at such a young age, but she has not behaved like a real mother at all. the boys are still young that they will call mom whomever fills in as mom. they need the stability of someone who is there for them everyday, and you've been that person for them. I really commend you for raising them as your own because not everyone can do that. I wish you luck with everything. I know there is not much I can do, but I thoroughly support you and if you ever need a friend feel free to email me.
2007-04-02 13:17:42 · answer #5 · answered by Green-eyed Nikki 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are completely, absolutely, positively CORRECT!!! You started talking nicely, then she went off on you! How unfair is that!?!? She is a bad mother for neglecting her kids. You are the rightful mom and you can tell you children that! You care for "her" kids and raised them to be what they are today! You are everything a mother should be. The ex-wife is no model for her boys. You stood up for them when they were upset. Who else but a mother would do that? You are their mother in every way but blood, and who gives a about DNA? You GO, girl!!! ;)
2007-04-02 13:15:25 · answer #6 · answered by fly_away_with_me 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This woman is obviously a total psycho. I would be polite to her but the first time she started something again, I'd let her have it with both barrels.
If she's that sorry of a mother, you might want to see if you and your husband can get sole custody. That way, this woman basically has NO rights to see these kids.
2007-04-02 13:15:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, I do not think you are wrong, and truthfully you reacted the way a tue mother would. BUT do not let it turn into a case of bad mouthing, even if she is a terrbile mother deep down it probably still hurts them. You and your husband should get a lawyer and fight for custody and then not allow her to see them.
2007-04-02 13:20:18 · answer #8 · answered by Miss Coffee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really hope you have custody of these boys. This is the saddest situation. These deadbeat moms string these men along for years and then end up with the kids and back child support. He needs to know and stand up for his rights there is no need for her to have ANY control over your lives. I wish you all the best
2007-04-02 13:11:53 · answer #9 · answered by just because 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
she needs to go ef herself.
you were more of a mother than she ever was, and she dumped them on you in the first place. the kids DECIDED to call you mom, becuase to them, you are MOM!!!! unless you forced them to call you mom, then its an honor. anyone can be a mother, but it takes someone special to be a mom. tell her the kids can call you whatever they want, and that you didnt tell them to call you mom they asked you and want to, unless you really did tell them to and make them but seriously i doubt that. lol.
she needs to shut the ef up, i mean hello, shes got not reason to b*tch about how they are being raised when she hasnt raised them at all!! and to me, it seems like you are raising them mighty fine and you're doing a damned good job. you definatly care about these kids as if they were your own and you see them as your own.
you were DEFINATLY NOT WRONG!!
good luck, hopefully this doesnt stay a war and can be talked over, but idk if that will work
2007-04-02 13:23:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋