How do I stop being touchy about this?

Question

Okay. A little background: My wife and I got married a couple years back. It was a same-sex wedding in Massachussetts. Her boy cousin and my girl cousin met there, fell in love, got engaged, and love each other more every day.

Now they're getting married this summer, and my relatives are *so* excited. The ones who have always been homophobic and against me and my wife's relationship are *really* excited. Our own wedding has since been legally invalidated by the Massachussetts courts. And the relatives who run my wife down talk about how handsome and smart her cousin is, conveniently forgetting just who he looks and thinks a lot like.

We do love our cousins and look forward to seeing them get married. However, we're getting really touchy. Can we stop it? When people run them up and then run us down, should we say anything? How?

Sorry to be long-winded, but I can use a little help and support.

Oh, and these people couldn't bring themselves to "endorse your lifestyle" or "celebrate your sin" by attending our wedding, either. GRRRRR....

Well, our cousins insist that we be co-matrons of honor, so we have to go and smile. We'll mean it, too. :-)

Glad some non-trolls came out!!!!

I know how my wife can finally please those relatives, but the hormones and surgeries are expensive and she's kinda small even for a woman... ;-)

Answer 1

Take satisfaction in showing them that your union (legallly recognized or not) will last, even WITH all the crap they give you. Go to the wedding... look beautiful... hold hands with one another... dance the slow dances together... be sugary-sweet to the pain-in-the-*** relatives... show them once and for all that all their negativity will not ruin your relationship.

Just brush off anything anyone says with a big shi+ eating grin, and walk away. Align yourselves with the realtives who DO support you. Let the idiots feel like the foolish ones.

Oh, and stand up and make a toast to the couple, reminding everyone where they met. They'll love that!

Answer 2

Wow- this sounds like a perfect example of something you'd read in a Ann Landers column. Honestly.

So, the answer I have to give is the same- smile, be polite, and let it pass. You know you have the moral high ground, you know you're right and they're being stupid, and for the sake of your wonderful cousin and her happiness, keep your mouth shut, wish them well, and don't make it an issue.

I know it hurts like the dickens to have to keep quiet, but try to focus your energies on your cousins and your support for them. Associate as little as possible with the people who irk you, and if they bring the first punch, then by all means, sock it right back to them. But if they keep it sickeningly polite but with screened jabs, just ignore them, pretend they said something wonderful about you, and then act that way- when you have to be with them and they make a sly remark, just jump in talking about how nice things have been going lately in your life, and- guess what's going on at my wife's work lately?

Keep positive. Believe me, even if they don't show it, being unable to ruffle your feathers will eat at them. Letting them see that it gets to you is what they want, so don't give them the opportunity.

Hope that helps, and good luck. I hope you have a good time at the wedding.

Answer 3

Hey honey, i'd be really touchy too. But i'm told thats a flaw of mine. I stand up for my own and this story is upsetting to me because this happens way to often. Its really unfortunate that people have to be so black and white, so one sided. I dont know what they think or how they justify it, but whatever goes through their head is not like how you and i think. I completely agree with your feelings and dont think you are wrong, however i'm slowly learning that our anger or our "touchiness" is only fuel to fire, plus it only makes us feel worse inside.

I've recently had a friend tell me that i can't come to her wedding if i bring my girlfriend. She claims its because of the seating issues, yet anyone else you talk to who is invited is allowed to bring one guest (assuming they have a date or a significant other) but yet this excludes me. My best friend, or was.

But besides that, to answer your question, plain and simple the answer is NO, you are not being too touchy. You are just expecting fairness, equality, justice etc. All these ideals and charms our country loves to shout out because it sounds good, but when you come down to it, those of us who live that life are few and far between.

Good luck to you both :o)

Answer 4

Stay positive by not attacking the couple but stand up for yourselves to the relatives by not putting up with their negative comments. Good luck.

Answer 5

Pay no attention to DG up there. He's still making excuses for his brother to think clearly.

If you feel you're being treated unfairly, then of course you should say something!! Never suffer in silence.

Answer 6

Yeah my advice is get over it.
Your choice of lifestyle (Not that theres anything wrong with it) is simply not embraced by mainstream society.
I suggest you live with the choices you made and try to love and accept your relatives as they are much like you would want them to do towards you.