I really want to be open with my husband about what makes me unhappy in our relationship. The thing is, I feel like this may come off as being overly critical. I would prefer to tell him how wonderful he is everyday... but wouldn't be honest. I thought we both had the same idea about what being married meant. Now he seems like a different person.
I don't want to be so negative... but how can I tell him what I need from our relationship so that it sinks in?
2007-04-02 12:40:19 · 8 answers · asked by Some Girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Blah, blah, blah. You're already lousy at communicating with us. What you "need" from your relationship? How about what you "want" or expect in a good partnership?
And if "what makes me unhappy" means "setting healthy boundaries" like not letting somebody belittle you, tear you down and generally disrespect you, then by all means speak up. But if you are expecting a "relationship" to "make you happy", then you might as well be smoking crack and hoping to win at lotto.
If both partners have healthy boundaries, are confident, have good manners, take pride in their grooming/appearance, develop their interests, and take a little time for affection and romance, then what's the problem really?
Communication indeed. Maybe you should start by being honest with yourself?
2007-04-02 13:20:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to express what you want without seeming critical, you have to do it very carefully. First, remember why you married him. Focus on the positive aspect and why you fell in love with him in the first place. Next, examine your own behavior. Are you being as loving as you could be towards him or is your unhappiness seeping out of you. Your mood could affect his response to you. Do you give him the things that he needs and the things that makes him happy? Finally, you are ready to speak. Before you say anything negative. Find at least three things positive to complement him on. Be sincere. Then, if you still need to, only express one negative thing. Do this each day until your get out how you feel. When you express your dissatisfaction, be sure to tell him what you do what. Focus on what you want him to do and not what you don't want him to do. Hopefully, you can do this and keep the peace in your home.
2007-04-02 19:52:01 · answer #2 · answered by truly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some of the best things in life are never said for whatever reason. Being a mature adult means knowing when to keep quiet or best define ourselves. Good communication is the ability to put into words exactly what we are feeling without offending or hurting someone else in the process at anytime anyplace
2007-04-02 19:48:41 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try using sentences that start with "I feel..." or "I like it..." rather than using negative statements about him.
Marriage isn't a fairytale. He will do things that annoy you just as you will do things that annoy him. Marriage is about compromise. Both of you need to give and take.
2007-04-02 20:43:10 · answer #4 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write him a letter. It's easier because it's all there in black and white and he cant argue with a piece of paper. Then once he's finished reading it discuss it. That has always worked for me! Hope this helps!
2007-04-02 19:44:27 · answer #5 · answered by chunkysmom3502 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Avoid escalating, avoiding, assuming motives and blaming. Tell him how his actions make you feel but do not blame him for how you feel. Own your emotions. If you can do this you create a safe environment for him to talk to you. I wish you well.
2007-04-02 19:49:32 · answer #6 · answered by mjohnson1422 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try writing it down...that way, he can take a break, walk away from it, then come back to it later.
2007-04-02 19:43:40 · answer #7 · answered by Meg M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
express your dissatisfaction and tell him wat to do.
2007-04-02 20:06:45 · answer #8 · answered by jasmine 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋