Move....MOVE! Is this the way someone who loves you would talk? Am I over-sensative?

Question

I deal with this often....I just wanted to get the password for our new laptop so I could do some stuff...download a program, to be specific. We are married for over 5 years, getting seperated at the moment....but trying to be civil until we can get our affairs in order (military, living overseas)....but still, having no respect for me is one main reason why I feel we don't get along....he feels being respectful is kissing my a*s and that I am asking too much...I feel very sad because I love him, but little things like this make me realize why I can't live with someone who can't just say, "Excuse me!" Am I CRAZY, or is he really the victim of an over- sensative woman, like he says he is?

Answer 1

You are NOT being oversensitive--telling you to move rudely like that is disrespectful. He's just saying you are oversensitive to justify his rudeness. It sounds like he does not know the difference between mutual respect and kissing someone's butt. You deserve someone who will put you on a pedestal and treat you like gold. Good luck and don't change who you are.

Answer 2

You are not over sensitive. And I don't think that it necessarily means that he doesn't love you because he says that, I think if you tolerate that from someone for a while, they tend to think it's okay to be that way.

I think you should move forward with your life, I mean if you have already started the proceedings for a separation, maybe that should tell you something. Love does not mean you have to stay together, there needs to be other elements in the relationship as well. Just figure out which elements are most important to you and let that be your guide. In your case I think the "respect" thing is very important to you.

Me, if my husband said that to me, I would knock him down j/k. No I would blow it off, cause he is great in so many other aspects.

Answer 3

He is a rude bully who, even after you mentioned you object to something, continues to do it anyway. Does that sound like someone who respects you?!

So he thinks that showing another person respect is 'unmanly' does he? Is showing good manners "too much to ask?" How ridiculous; that's HIS insecurity showing! A real man has the strength to be kind and courteous - and by the way, why wouldn't he want to show kindness and consideration to his wife? Don't let him bully or intimidate you. What an immature guy you married. He has a lot of growing up to do.

Answer 4

I'm afraid I would react the same way. My husband, who I love very much, is not always as polite to me, nor am I to him, as I would like us to be to set a good example for our children. There's a limit, though. When I have felt that my husband has been intolerably rude to me, we discuss it (at least I do - lol), but there usually is some back and forth and he, at least, hears why something bothers me and, I believe, makes an honest effort not to hurt or offend me in that way again. Truth be told, though, I can be just as bad now and then. Good luck. If someone is really making you feel worthless, then you may not want to build a life or a family with him.

Answer 5

He sounds like a victim of his own hyper inflated ego to me!Saying MOVE!! is VERY rude unacceptable behavior. . I would not get too caught up on the "lack of respect" thing. His rude behavior is his problem, his feeling like civilized normal behavior is @ss kissing is his problem. You have the right to be treated kindly and I don't think you are being over sensitive! He needs to learn how to act! Show him this question and the replies!!

Answer 6

It sounds to me like you've got a tough decision ahead.

Remember the song that goes, "If I go there will be trouble, but if I stay it will be double..."

Just ask yourself, "Do I deserve this?" Of course not!

You're probably not over-sensitive, just realizing that you've got a over-sized kid on your hands who doesn't know the first thing about being a REAL husband. He's probably letting his buddies make his decisions for him.

You deserve to be #1 in his life and he should treat you as such. If he will not do that on his own, you may have to take drastic measures to force him to decide who is most important to him, you or his friends.

I am very sorry for your pain right now. Ignoring it will NOT make it go away.

Answer 7

Well at least it wasn't " GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY!"

You are separating but yet want him to treat you with respect?
That's a bit of a stretch isn't it?
The military is not the place to learn to be respectful of anyone who is not a superior.

You're away from home in the military and seperating?
If you can build this up into another fight maybe you are approaching high maintenance status.

Answer 8

No. A man who talks to a woman like this, not to mention his wife, is being rude and arrogant. My boyfriend would never dream of talking to me like that, or anyone else either, for that matter. I'm guessing your husband's behavior is just as crappy towards everyone else.

You're doing the right thing. You are not crazy and not being oversensitive. You deserve genuine respect - if he won't give you that, you have every right to find someone who will.

Good luck, dear.

Answer 9

I'm sorry for your separation. It's painful. Yes, you are totally right. Saying "MOVE" may be appropriate for military to subordinates but not to your sweet wife. YOU are not crazy. YOU are not being overly sensative. YOU are a woman and deserve the same respect he gives his friends. Hey stick to your guns on this one. That would drive anyone crazy. I don't think he'd like it either.

Answer 10

I think its very rude if a guy says this. He might figure you guys are over anyways so theres no point to treat you nicely he shounds either very rude or mad at you.
My B/f has come up behind me doing dishes and needed to get into the cuboard and said move just that, but i note to him that he is being rude and he can piss off untill he asks nicely.. you have to stand up for yourself well ido otherwise i get walked all over human nature i guess..