Sons girlfriend verbally abuses me. Should I report it?

Question

My sons girlfriend is 27 and spanish. We live in Cape Town. She is nearly 6 months pregnant and is so possessive of my son. They do not live together as he cannot tolerate her tantrums and arguments. When they argue she continuously phones me to find out where he is and what he is doing. As I dont want to get involved, I asked her very nicely to please not involve me anymore as it wasnt fair on me. That evening I got 7 sms's where she called me a whore and basically said "I hope you die you *****. She also said that when they got married she would put me into an age old home and I could die there and good riddance. I am not even on pension as I am not that old. I feel this is verbal abuse and harrassement. Should I get an interdict against her. We are not use to this sort of behaviour in our family, and I dont really know what to do about it. Your help would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

You need to see a lawyer.

You also need to see it from her viewpoint. Your son liked her well enough when he wanted sex. He had sex with her or she would not be pregnant. Then he abandoned her. Why didn't he think about her tantrums BEFORE he took off her knickers?

Now she is looking at 16 - 18 years of her life gone, wasted in raising a child she does not want, a child who will remind her of a man who abandoned her. If he has not married her yet, he never will. She knows that.

Has your son made arrangements for child support?
Has he offered to raise the child himself?

While you talk to that lawyer, ask him/her how your son can support his child financially, if nothing else.

Answer 2

You and your son first need to make an understanding. That for one thing, he isn't the best judge of charater. Also would help you guys alot if you wouldn't put him in the same caught-22 that everyone else puts there kids in. Namly, just because your old enough to get a job and be on your own, doesn't mean you mature enough to not only pick the right person to be in a relationship work, but after doing that, make it work. Deep down inside you have to believe that your son sold him self short with this lady. I would hope atleast that you don't see your son as an equal with this women. And you as the mother have to feel that it is your fault, because quite frankly it is. Your even willing to help him, not just because he is you son, but I would think some where inside of you understand the only reason he is, in the boat he is, is because you don't know a better way for him. That you let him go into the world because thats what you were told to do, because thats what everyone else is doing. Well it isn't right and just like them, your paying for it. People don't become masters of there lives when the gradulate high-school, and we sure as heck don't become masters of love with the frist person we see. Ether way, you can get a restrianing order, but its not going to solve your underlining problem. Which that your son is just trying to survive. He is in a situation were he needs some one to be there and love him and show help him with his life, the problem is that, that use to be you, you let that get away from him and now he'll pick anyone to take the place. Whats dad got to say about this anyways? Is he the wash his hands and just let problems fix themselves type of person to? Ether way you need to get more active with him and maybe he can grow-up and gain some control on this lady, if not take that kid out of there. And take care of each other right this time..... just so you know talking on the phone, or just sitting around having dinner isn't taking care of each other. Its talking about whats hard to talk about thats going to help you with this. But hey you've been doing it everyone else way so I guess it wouldn't hurt to keep that up.... just get your restraining order and hope he doesn't get another one like this.... or worse...