My wife of two years just informed me that she was born male and had sex change surgery a few years before we met. My wife is very pretty, very feminine, and i could never tell that she had been anything but a natural born female. Even the sex was amazing. However, now that I look back, there were some telltale signs in that she didn't have any photos of her as a young girl for our wedding photo (she said that she lost all of her photos in a hurricane, which seems logical to me); and her invitation for her 20 year class reunion came addressed to Paul as opposed to Paula, which we just laughed off at the time. My question is, how should I deal with this? I am not sure how I would have reacted if she told me before we got married, but now I feel betrayed. Your opinions?
2007-04-02 09:12:20 · 29 answers · asked by John D 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, that's a tough one! My heart-of-hearts tells me that if you're both happy then it doesn't matter. I honestly can't blame her for not telling you beforehand because she didn't want to lose you. Although, I totally sympathize with your emotional ambivalence & feelings of betrayal, my best advice would be to not look back, but to look ahead to a bright, happy future with the one you love. It's not like she was a mass murdering serial killer, she just needed a 'change' to be complete & happy. Good luck!
2007-04-02 09:24:35 · answer #1 · answered by napqueen 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow I'm appalled. Relationships are built upon trust. And obviously your wife betrayed you. If I were you, I would feel disgusted and angry with your wife, or shall I say husband? I mean, are you OK with this?! Think about it, your so called wife, lived her life as a male. Does that mean while living as a male, he was interested in other males and wanted to live as a female. He's a homosexual? Does that mean you are one too? I don't know.
I mean yes you love her for who she is, but she lied to you. And that is totally wrong. I don't know if I'd be able to forgive. She lived a lie, and led you on, betrayed you. That's a big deal. That's not just something you brush off. I mean, how do you let your family know?
Obviously she didn't tell you before you two got married, because she was afraid to lose you. But honesty and trust, there was a lack of. And yeah if you truly cared about her, it wouldn't matter I suppose? But she should have told you before you two got married, because if she told you then, then you might have not wanted to go through with the relationship...
What are you going to do? How do you feel?
2007-04-02 16:25:01 · answer #2 · answered by Loves It<3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may need to sit down with your wife and discuss your feelings. I've had a friend that went through this with her boyfriend, and well he turned out that he had a sex change, and she was mortified at a very young age (21).
If it bothers you that much, you made need time to think about what your doing and if it takes a toll on how you feel toward her. You shoudl though take into consideration, that you most likely you married her for the fact of her personality rather than her body more or less. But this is how you look at it. Do you now look at it as a man marrying a man and can't look at her in the same sence, or is it that you can look at her in the same way, and leave that detail to fade away into the back of your head?
2007-04-02 16:18:12 · answer #3 · answered by Laxbaby05 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only your opinion matters. Get out in the open what you are thinking and feeling with your spouse and go from there. What's done is done - time to move forward. Focus on now after telling her how much it hurt not knowing sooner as it tells you she didn't have much faith or trust in you - that's were some of the hurt is coming from, right? Or, is it you feel she has made a fool of you?
Anyway - you are able to deal with this and the only thing that matters is how you and she think.
good luck.
2007-04-02 16:17:19 · answer #4 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! this is pretty shocking. I would have to say if you love her with all your heart than forgive her for not telling you sooner.
i know telling you must of been very hard for her and she must really love you inorder to be able to reveal such a secret.
think it over dont make up your mind to fast. think of her as the person , the woman you know. physically she is a female and she must be as well mentally because the choose to become one on the outside. dont think of it as a gay relationship.
if you truly love her stay, if you canot get over it then maybe your love for her isnt as strong as you thought it was.
if you work thing out then there will be more sacraficies your going to have to make like no childeren. but many couples are unable also and there are always solutions to most problems.
counseling will help very much in repairing your relationship you have with your wife if keeping her is the way you choose to go.
good luck, i hope you work things out.
2007-04-02 16:43:45 · answer #5 · answered by 527 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! That had to be a shock to hear. I would have been very upset myself. You have every right to feel betrayed.
Looking at it from the Biblical point of view....even though your wife had a sex change operation, she is still a male. God made your wife as a man. Therefore, your relationship in God's eyes is homosexual.
2007-04-02 18:40:16 · answer #6 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well that would be very weird, but if you have been truly happy married to her and still are happy and in love with her, it shouldn't change things. She definately should have told you before you were married so she did fault there. Have you asked her how she expects you to react and feel? It may give a little insight.
2007-04-02 17:01:08 · answer #7 · answered by NLH823 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On the one hand, she was wrong not to tell you before the marriage. On the other, she's still the same person you originally fell in love with (as ironic as that might sound under the circumstances). The way I see it, there are two questions you have to ask yourself - first, can you forgive her for not telling you sooner? And second, can you overcome any discomfort you might feel about the situation, and love the person irregardless of her past?
2007-04-02 16:19:09 · answer #8 · answered by stmichaeldet 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i would feel betrayed if i were you, too, but the fact is that she's your wife now no matter who she was in the past. i'm sure that she has logical reasons for not telling you. you loved her before you found out about it, there isn't a lot different between the two of you now. after all, we all just want to be loved :)
2007-04-02 16:18:56 · answer #9 · answered by lajolla_x3 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, technically she's not a man anymore. When you married this lady, you married her for who she is, not for who she was. The past is the past. You didn't know her in the past, therefore you can't get mad at her because of it. I say, if you really love this person, stick with her. Dont run from it because you will be the b!itch. Don't be coward. If she never told you that, you would have never known it and you still would have been married. So don't be a pu55y and run from it.
2007-04-02 16:27:43 · answer #10 · answered by sr04model 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋