It's really a long story and I know what I should do and whats right but I keep holding on and I don't know why. Here's a little back ground. Am married, we have a 9yr. old son. between us raised 5kids been together 10yrs. 2yrs ago my world turned up side down. My husband had affair. The person my husband had a affair with was he's best friend girlfriend. I took my husband back serveral times but every time I turned around he was doing it again with this women. After two years of it I finally told him I want a divorce. So we seprated for good this time. In during this time of seprated I meet someone and maybe I should been divorce first , but it didn't happen that way. The guy I meet got serious with me right away and I felt the same about him.We took it to other level and I allowed this man to move in. But this man never liked the idea am married, after 5months he moved out. He said for me to divorce frist. We still see each other he still my man and am still his women. continued...
2007-04-02 07:59:50 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I haven't seen my husband almost a year now. He called 2weeks ago and wanted to meet up I agree. Let me back up, we talked on the phone months before that and we talked about the divorce and he said he don't want one and I told him we will put it on hold. We agree to that. Any how we meet up and talked for about 4 hours. Some of you might remember my question about that a few weeks ago. Any how, we meet and talked he wants to come back and my heart went out to him but I know I could never trust him. My boyfriend now I love him and I do want to marry him but am scard of that divorce. And when I look at my husband now he not the same man I married. He totally on drugs and drinks everyday and that women he with she also on drugs and drinks every day. My husband is sorry and I know he is, but I ask him to go to rehap and he don't think he has a problem.So that is where that sits. I think I feel sorry for my husband, I still have love for him, he just looked so bad, I wanted to cry ........
2007-04-02 08:11:03 · update #1
After a while he was asking about the re-hap and he told me he will call me the next day, he never did. It's been 2 weeks now and no call. My son, his son too called him and he hasn't returned his call. I think my husband is hiding out of shame. Any how on the other hand my boyfriend is a good man and he never cheats on me and we work good together as a couple and one day I do want to marry him, but for some reason I can't get that divorce. And I kind of know why for one I feel sorry for my husband and I think if I do my husband will get worse into drugs. I know I need to let it go in live my own life, I just don't know how to let it go for the divorce. For I can marry the one who is good to me. Help
2007-04-02 08:18:08 · update #2
It's natural for him to feel this way. As a matter of fact, I commend him to have the moral ground to move out and stop disrespecting someone else's house and kids. He obviuosly cares about you and is serious about you, otherwise, he would have left a long time ago.
Maybe, this is teh "kick in the butt" that you need to get serious about getting a divorce. If you bf is a good man and wants a serious relationship with you, then you should makethe decision of whether or not he is worth going to the pain of divorce and face a life without the security of marriage.
If he is worth it, then divorce your husband, that why you won't have to give anyone no explanations and you will freely enjoy a relationship with a good man.
If yoru husband is a druggie and a drunkard, then youa re better off without him. What kind of future or example will yoru children have? Not to count what kind of diseases he could bring home.
Be wise on your decision
Good luck
Good luck
2007-04-02 08:11:47 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, here's a serious answer:
Ask yourself why are you still married after living with this man for five months, because you can be sure he is asking that question! It sounds like this man is serious about you but unwilling to invest himself in a relationship that will end with you returning to your husband.
I can understand that you still have feelings for your husband, but reality check: do you really really think there's a possibility that the two of you might work things out and get back together? If not, then why aren't you getting a divorce? And if so, then why are you stringing this other man along?
It's a shame that your husband has gotten himself into an unhealthy lifestyle, but you can't have a healthy relationship with someone in that condition. You can feel sorry for him and have compassion, but that's not a basis for a healthy marriage! You should definitely not blame yourself for his condition, either: he is a grown man and capable of making his own choices. It's not your fault if those choices are bad ones.
I think you need to let your feelings for your husband go quietly into the past. Follow through with the divorce and make a new life for yourself, one that doesn't bring you heartache.
2007-04-02 15:14:21 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG, I have totally been there and done that! When I was first married, my husband was totally into himself, even after we had our daughter. He always had to work out, at the "Y" and work extra hours, and he never was home, like he never wanted to come home, I was married but a single parent.
After eleven years of marriage, while he was sleeping, I packed up my car and took my daughter to where we live now.! I kept on telling him that if he would not change I would leave him and he never believed me! Guess he got the pitchure when I finally did!!!
Then we were seperated, I met another man, and he moved in, and he wanted me to get a divorce, and I still could not afford an attorney being a single mom, but he still stayed with me and my daughter.
Well, he turned out to be a jerk, and I kicked him out and we broke up, and then my husband and I whom I was seperated from reconciled and we got back together, and now our marriage is more wonderful than anything.
My advice is if you care about this man, then get a divorce from your husband, but if you still have feelings for your ex like I did, then you should really take the time to think about who and what you want in your life.
2007-04-02 15:13:27 · answer #3 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that filing for a divorce is the very first thing to do. I agree with the man you were serious with, to be completely divorced before you start anything new. If you both really want to be with each other, you will after the divorce. Your soon to be ex husband doesn't deserve anything from you and it's good that you know what's best. Just go ahead and get started, it's not going to get any easier with the ex =)
2007-04-02 15:08:46 · answer #4 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think the new guy your seeing had every right to move out. You need to get a divorce before you start getting serious with someone else, it's not fair to this new man that you want him & he wants you but yet your still married to soemone else.
2007-04-02 15:05:13 · answer #5 · answered by Tracy H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
STOP BEING SO SELFISH! And think, please, about your 9-year-old son!
Now seriously, he's 9 years old...what good do you think he can possibly get from all of this confusion in his life? Girlfriends and boyfriends everywhere, but a Mom and a Dad who are pretty scarce, they're so wrapped up in their own wants right now. That's SAD. Sounds like Dad is always going to be a jerk, which leaves just you. YOU. Your son needs you to be his Mom. As long as you're messing around or worrying about messing around with this other guy, you're not being his Mom. He doesn't need this guy, or any other guy, coming in right now and confusing him all over again. He needs stability, saneness, solid strength from at least one REAL parent, and it looks like that's got to be YOU.
So please, please, please, for your son's sake...dump your worthless husband permanently, get a good, strong child support payment from him (and stay on his a*s about it if he tries to weasel out of it), get a stable job, keep him in a good, stable school environment, try to surround him with good role models who are NOT live-in boyfriends or stepfathers or one-night stands (grandparents, aunts and uncles, good neighbors, church clubs, etc.). I don't know about these other 4 or 5 kids you alluded to, but they would no doubt appreciate and benefit from this kind of stability, too.
When ALL of them have reached maturity (that is, legal age), THEN you can date and live with whomever you please.
2007-04-02 15:26:03 · answer #6 · answered by katbyrd41 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, you aren't finished, but .... I don't think you are wasting your time, but you should get your divorce final before anyone moves in with you. It's okay to date since you are separated, but just keep it "not so serious" for now.
2007-04-02 15:04:38 · answer #7 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, get your divorce. Simple. I would be VERY careful to move slow, however, so you don't mistake a rebound relationship for something more.
2007-04-02 15:06:29 · answer #8 · answered by Debbie D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
naw..move on.. GET a divorce..and then start DATING...
gee give urself sometime to see what out there,, shop around..
people put more time and thought about what kind of new car to buy then who to marry and move in...!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-04-02 15:06:27 · answer #9 · answered by lisa baby... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to get divorced from your husband first,
gw
2007-04-02 15:06:33 · answer #10 · answered by georgewallace78 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋