Why are friends good-wishers and spiteful the next?I can't keep up!!?

Question

To make a long story short, I'm dealing with an in-law situation,but I don't have to see my in-laws everyday,. I'm only anxiou to go family reunions and get depressed for a while after.I've been talking to my maid of honour , a good friend, about my little anxieties. But I after I made it clear, that I'll never change my husband for anything or let the in-laws bother our marriage. I was shocked that my good friend asked"so..,u will u wil be with him forever, then?" I replied""yes, aren't we married?" I don't understand what she means? Last night I was still stunned by her remarks. Sometimes I don't know what friends want?My problem was not a big deal, and apart from that, my husband and I were still committted to each other. why is she being negative? It seems she's wishing that I get a divorce or was never true about her wishes on my wedding day. She is also divorced and much older.

Please give honest answers. Almost anyone is easily hurt by the ones we love and care for the most-family and close friends. Of course we don't give a rat's *** about what ppl on the streets say and they can't hurt us as much as friends and family can..!

Answer 1

You are so right when you say '' only friends and family can hurt us''. So with that, why would you think twice about what she is saying. She may not have meant it the way you took it. Just in case she did. Ask her what did she mean by that question she asked you? You also have to look at the fact, that her marriage did not last and she is bitter and maybe doesn't even know that she's bitter. Leave her room for arror, unless she began to do this type of thing too often. 1 more thing... keep your problems to yourself, when it comes to your marriage. If she is neg. about marriage what kind of advice will she give you? Girl ! this is how women lose their men, listening to friends and family members. My oldest sister told me something that has helped me throughout the years. She's been married for over 20 years and is still young. She told me '' Never tell your friends and family what you and your husband are going through, because when you are ready to forgive him, they will not and it will cause an on going conflict between the two''. Plus, our emotion is very high when we get angry or hurt by something or someone. I would say learn how to make your husband your best friend and only tell your friend things that she isn't neg. about. Some people won't stop until they see you just like them. Keep a dairy of your feelings and thoughts. Every so often go back and read what you have written and you will be shocked at the things you go through and now feel differently about them, all because your emotions are running high at that time.

Answer 2

You are taking what she said the wrong way. She did not say to get a divorce, or that she has bad wishes for your marriage. In laws in some families are the cause of allot of problems between husband and wife. Also you sound like a very sensitive person who takes things to heart and if your in laws are insulting to you, you will not be able to handle it. Take what she said with a grain of salt it is no big deal.

Answer 3

Sometimes after a divorce it is hard to see the good sides to things. It may be that she isn't wishing negativity upon your marriage or you, just projecting it unknowingly. If it is really bothering you that she said this, just ask her exactly what she meant, after all you are friends right? So you have the right to ask. Don't be afraid of what you may hear, it may turn out to be something was on her mind, and she didn't realize how it sounded to you! Congrats!

Answer 4

Unfortunately sometimes friends are jealous of our situation, like u are married and she's not so she secretly wished you'd be divorced too. Friends like this really aren't worth it because they're not really in your corner. I have seen this so many times in my own life especially when I was younger.
Supposed friends just waiting for something to go wrong in your life so they can feel better about their situation. It's bad because often you don't recognize it right off. The yiddish even have a word for it, I can't spell it though,means getting pleasure out of someone's misfortune.

Answer 5

Sounds to me like she is still suffering from a painful
divorce/relationship and wishes her marriage had been
as she sees yours.
If she is as good a friend as it seems- then talk it over with
her and let her know how you feel.
If she's any kind of friend at all, she will step back and
think it over.
If it continues then tell her when she has something
positive to say you will listen.
Her being older, doesn't necessarily make her wiser.
Cheer up, Live, Laugh and Love.

Answer 6

She may be a little envious thats all. Dont dwell on it too much. Anyone who has gone through a divorce is a little bitter and the fact that she is older doesnt help. Ask her what she meant. But move on, focus on the happier times to come. Good luck.

Answer 7

I would question whether this person is a real friend. It isn't important what she wants. And don't listen to her negative remarks.

Answer 8

Well it really depends on your friends real identity..There could be lots of reasons with her attitude towards your situation.It could be because shes jealous and envious.Or shes just scared you might experienced her pain and sufferrings.

Answer 9

You are going to have good days and bad days. You have to stand firm when Children are involved. Do not think kids do not know you are fighting with your spouse. They know because they see it.

Answer 10

maybe she's just envious of you . you having the man of your dreams and all she's got is a divorce paper.moonraven/cinderella