I am going thru a divorce right now(12-1/2 yrs),is it normal to kinda have second thoughts or just feel torn between the two of staying or divorcing???I am thinking maybe its cause i'm only 31 and been with him since 18,we have 1 daughter a 11yr old..maybe its because i feel hes the only one i really ever known,or maybe just because it was such a long relationship and definitley alot of love there..i still love him very much. We just had trust issues and he has totally changed. I just cant get past things myself,even though the issues were 3yrs ago..he just used to be so sneaky and secretive alot.We have been seperated almost a 1yr.
So is it normal to be having 2nd thoughts and feel basically torn??or is this what everyone feels??
Dont get me wrong we had plenty of great times,but also alot of rocky ones too..just confused wonder if anyone else had these feelings divorcing???
2007-04-02 07:34:09 · 11 answers · asked by ccrazeegyrl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh yes, I think it is normal to feel this way. You get into a comfortable zone with him and then all of a sudden you realize that will be gone. If the trust is gone not more left of a relationship. It has to be 100 percent to live with someone. If he is or was being secretive in the past it had to make you always wonders what he was keeping from you. Not a good way to live. Now, only you can decide what you want. Listen to advise from others, but in the end it will be you that makes it. Make sure you are going to be happy with whatever you choose. Doubts will come back to haunt you.
2007-04-02 07:44:45 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get off answers... call him and sit down and talk. Start with the worst case scenario. You are divorced, never talk, dealing with child support. Other people making a huge mess with the kids and such.
That said if that is the way it is going to be that is the way it is going to be. But working backward talk about how you two would not be like this. Somewhere in this some commonality will emerge and someone will realize what is important.... your family. If you do not give it a shot you will always wonder about "the what if?".
Simply, whatever happened, happened and we as two people need to decide what is best. No lawyers, family or friends..... just the two of you. You may be surprised. Or you could choose to go over the same old stuff again which did not work before.
You owe it to yourself, your family and life to just say come home.
2007-04-02 14:51:28 · answer #2 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Separation is one thing; divorce is another entirely, because divorce seems so final. The fact is that separation still leaves room for reconciliation, whereas divorce means there is no chance for repair.
Your second thoughts and doubting yourself are quite normal. If you both could agree on repairing your marriage, it might behoove you to see a couples or family counselor. If however one or both of you have started to move on since the separation, then there's probably little to do but finish off your termination. Either way, counseling would do nothing but help you to deal with your insecurity.
Good luck.
2007-04-02 14:43:41 · answer #3 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in your shoes (sorta of) we are just separated right now - temp - but he was secreative and some lies. I love him so much and didn't want to leave - I was trying to deal with it all - but he had to leave (his words) I would think there would be 2nd thoughts. If there is no trust - it would be hard to have a relationship with all the years you have vested you just can not turn off the feelings
Good luck
2007-04-02 14:53:06 · answer #4 · answered by Confussedhere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relax- normal feelings for most people. I think mostly what we want is the person we THOUGHT we knew- the one that we fell in love with in the first place.
I've moved on and happily married the second time now for 6 years.
2007-04-02 14:41:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
After 12 1/2 years, I'd be having third or fourth thoughts about ending it. But you have to do whats best for you and your daughter. Be brave and do what you know is right.
2007-04-02 14:39:56 · answer #6 · answered by DEBBY'S BABY 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is perfectly normal to have second thoughts. I am having them right now with my ex to be.
It is hard to give up something that has become normal to you - ie being with him. Remember that you loved him once but remember why you are separated now. Be strong, the hurt and confusion will go away.
2007-04-02 14:40:33 · answer #7 · answered by Tammi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe the two of you should go through couple's therapy or at the least you should go through individual therapy. Your daughter should also be in therapy to help her deal with the pain she is having right now.
Good luck to you and God Bless!
2007-04-02 14:45:11 · answer #8 · answered by The OTHER Boelyn Chic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you try couples therapy and see if you can work it out (if both couples are willing). If theres anything worth reconciling. I would try it out.
But I havent been divorced.
2007-04-02 14:40:43 · answer #9 · answered by Zenthae 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don know
trust comes before thrust
wow what wisdom from a washin machine :-)
2007-04-02 14:39:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋