They tell each other almost NOTHING of what is happening in their lives. I find that to be VERY VERY strange. She said its like if somebody has problems or shows weakness then others will take advantage or use that against them or something.
In my family its like, tell the truth, say what's happening, then if you are hurt or sad or suffering you ask for help , and mostly get help too.
How should I deal with the secrets? Ignore them? Try to get some honest truth? I'm clueless.
2007-04-02 05:27:04 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That is her family. You have to learn to deal with it. It may be just as hard for her to deal with your open family.
2007-04-02 05:31:57 · answer #1 · answered by honeyluv_2010 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Opposites attract? Marriage is spiritual work and apparently you both have things to each each other. Stop and see what there is to learn from both of your situations. You will never change her family, just like she will never change yours. Look for the dysfunction in your own family (we all have it) and I'm betting that's something she's there to teach you as well. Let her learn how to live openly and honestly, with you, if her family can't deal with it, that's okay.
As far as how to deal with her family, let her guide you. Not all family's are as trusting and helpful as yours. If it's really bothering you, try to build relationships in her family one at a time. Maybe you'll find that certain individuals are secretly hoping for the kind of truth you can offer. Just be yourself.
Good luck :)
2007-04-02 05:33:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar situation. It has caused tension at times between my husband and I because he gets offended when I tell my family some of our problems. My family has very open communication that I think my husband's family lacks. There may be something that happened in the past that no one has come to terms with. Encourage your spouse to not let that happen to your family and just be a crying shoulder for her.
2007-04-02 05:33:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my personal own opinion and in accordance to the Bible; once you get married you and that man or woman grow to be one and characteristic began a sparkling a kin! i don't sense you ought to pass on a kin secret binge, notwithstanding it really is necessary to no longer to keep/ or cover issues out of your better 0.5. What if some thing comes up later, ought to you want to be left in the darkish? at the same time as it includes your better 0.5 you ought to easily cope with them the way you ought to prefer to be dealt with. in case you don't love being left in the darkish, do not go away her or him in the darkish. it really is necessary that you imagine of him/her no longer merely your self because in all honesty it is the guy you'll spend some thing of your existence with, they're your NEW kin so what you do now, will be merely the starting up of all that you're going to do in the destiny!
2016-12-03 03:49:34 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing that you can do about someone else's family. As long as their communication issues are not affecting your marriage, it doesn't seem like there is any problem to speak of.
Your "family" is what exists in your home with your wife and children if you have any. Everything outside is just extra that can either impact you or not. It's your choice.
Good luck to you and your wife.
2007-04-02 05:40:14 · answer #5 · answered by wsibwigu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your family and your wifes family have very different dynamics.
I would just accept and learn to deal with their secretiveness (and be sure to protect yourself from what sounds like backstabbing behavior), you can't change them and trying will only cause conflict. You picked your wife, and her family is part of the package but hopefully you can limit the amount of close contact you have with that sort of behavior.
2007-04-02 05:32:00 · answer #6 · answered by heart o' gold 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, when you're with them just ask but, don't try to pry too much. Call them up once a week, sure they will think their sister married a nut but, that's your personality, you care about people and for whatever reason her family probably does use their problems against each other. Who knows until you talk to them more.
2007-04-02 05:32:40 · answer #7 · answered by Fun2010 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Part of having a successful marriage is to "adjust" to the blending of two family "cultures," the wives and the husbands. Forcing your expectations or culture upon your partner will not work. Likewise, your partner cannot expect to force her culture upon you. Acceptance, tolerance, and neutrality is the most helpful way to go.
2007-04-02 05:30:55 · answer #8 · answered by Kerry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The burden is too big for you to carry alone. They need to come together as a family and work things out before things blow up! You should stand by your wife.
2007-04-02 05:32:32 · answer #9 · answered by Truth Hurts 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should not worry about her family telling anything, it is no ones business but her own as to what she is doing, families always have negative opinions for the most part,
she sounds like she is from the East Coast,
she is being smart to keep her family out of it
2007-04-02 05:34:25 · answer #10 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋