My friend confides in me (or vents to me) about the many things that make him unhappy with his spouse. Nothing dangerous or major just A LOT of small things (doesn't put any effort in, doesn't enjoy any of his hobbies, etc). And I just don't know how to respond. If he doesn't want to change his situation, and she doesn't want to change (according to him), what solutions can I possibly offer? Do I just listen? Is that all??
2007-04-02 04:13:28 · 14 answers · asked by rhiannon2797 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Simply tell him, next time he starts in at it, that you feel he's putting you in an unfair and uncomfortable position (which he is, by the way) and that you'd appreciate if he'd take his tales of woe elsewhere; to some "guy friend", for example, more likely to get his side of the story.
Odds are also very good he's using this angle to try and seduce you into an extra marital affair i.e. fishing for a Pity F*ck. Assuming you don't want to shag him, why not have a little fun with him in other ways?
When next he starts complaining about his spouse, come down on HER side with everything he says. If he ups the ante to the point that you can't possibly pretend to side with her, say something like "Wow, that's bad. I think I'll actually call her or invite her to lunch so I can talk to her about that."
100% guaranteed that he'll freak over such a suggestion and come up with thirty quick reasons why that would be a bad idea. At that point sigh and say "Well if there's nothing I can actually do to help you guys, I think it would be better if we no longer talked about your relationship. Besides, the woman you should really be talking to is her."
2007-04-02 04:33:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of the time when our friends vent, the best thing that we can do is to just listen. That's especially true when they're talking about their spouses. Don't offer anything, but the most innocuous advice. If things go badly, you could end up being blamed, and if things get better and you've said something bad, you could get blamed. Don't take sides and just listen and you can make it out of this clean. Really, I've seen it and I've put my foot in it myself.
2007-04-02 04:57:34 · answer #2 · answered by moviegirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is your friend venting to you unless he thinks you are a better choice? He may be setting you up for a sympathy rebound girlfriend and maybe a sexual relationship too!. Watch him!
Why isn't this person venting with his wife that he originally said that he loved until death? He may be close to cheating.
Also, why is he not changing to suit her? Some guys are narcissistic and think only of themselves. Marriage is not one sided but two business partners that are in love for the success of their business. When one is weak the other spouse takes up the slack and figures a new business solution by communicating.
Tell him to see a marriage counselor with his wife because they both wear rings and it's their business venture. (No, I don't want to discuss your problems, discuss them with your wife) (Don't spend time with him either) ( Don't be his crutch)
2007-04-02 04:28:04 · answer #3 · answered by hot wheels 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
When a guy vents or confides in another woman that is going to cause problems. I wouldn't want anyone I was with going to another woman with OUR problems. He needs to be talking to his woman about their problems not another women that's why their a couple which mean 2 not 3. You need to tell him you feel uncomfortable with it. This happened to me and now I'm divorced cause of it. He is not being a friend by coming to you with all this. Crimes of Passion happen everyday in America and you could be adding gasoline to the fire. His fire needs to be put out, and you need to be the fire chief.
2007-04-02 04:21:49 · answer #4 · answered by Luv2no is in the house 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask him if he is confiding in you in hopes that you will have some suggestions or just for an ear to listen to his complaints. Sometimes people really don't want a response to their complaints they just want to say them out loud and get it off their chest. Other times people actually want a response and some suggestions for change or whatever, but in order to know what he's looking for you have to ask your friend. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-04-02 04:18:56 · answer #5 · answered by tersey562 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Suggest its not working out and they should split. Seems a little radical and you may not mean it but you can learn a lot from the reaction you get. That reaction may get you closer to discovering what your friend really wants from the relationship you will have a better idea of how you can help.
2007-04-02 04:20:27 · answer #6 · answered by the_keys78 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the complaints are coming that often obviously the marriage is in trouble. Tell your friend that you support her 100% but that you're not trained to advise her. Tell her to consult couples councelling with her hubby before the marriage crumbles under the weight of her resentments.
2007-04-02 04:22:55 · answer #7 · answered by Justlookin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Suggest that he talks to his spouse about the way he feels. Tell him to maybe put a little more effort in being interested in what she likes to do. Maybe she feels the same way. I think he should talk to her about it, she's his spouse. I know how it feels to want to talk to someone else, but most importantly he should talk to his spouse. They are in the relationship.
2007-04-02 04:22:48 · answer #8 · answered by Beanie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is slowly starting to hit on you. Best thing is to keep mum and just listen. This is usually how married men justify cheating. Their wife may be the best wife in the world but they have to make her look bad.
2007-04-02 04:19:48 · answer #9 · answered by Jodi 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wake up sister, he obviously wants you instead. No guy vents to a girl unless hes looking for a sympathy !@#$%
2007-04-02 04:18:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋