I had 5 years of pure marital bliss before I made a huge mistake I'll most likely never forgive myself for (I didn't cheat).My husband doesn't seem to be able to get past it and has served me with divorce papers but I still love him and don't want to give up. Would you walk away without a fight from the one person who loved you and took care of you like no one ever has before and in turn give them what they want or would you sacrifice your dignity and ask for another chance one last time?Abandoning him when he needed me most was my mistake.
2007-04-02 03:31:21 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Fight for it. Give it everything you have. If you walk away you will never know what might have happened had you given it all you got. I don't mean "fighting" in a demanding way. I guess I mean holding on and letting him know that you realize your mistake and that you are willing to do anything and everything to make it right again. Nothing is really over yet. Divorce papers are just that...pieces of paper. A marriage doesn't begin with a piece of paper and it doesn't end with one.
So my best advice is to do what you have to do to make him feel safe and not pressured. And you do that for as long as you keep asking yourself have I done enough. There will come a point when you stop asking what you should do. You will know in your heart that you did everything you could and it just wasn't meant to be. At least you can then walk away knowing you really tried and there will be no questions.
I'm sorry for the situation that you are in. It sounds like you are both in alot of pain and I'm sorry.
2007-04-02 03:44:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some things are worth fighting for. What does the mister think? Is he willing to attend counseling with you? Or mediation? That is the only way this is going to work...the two of you need someone else to help you work through the feelings of abandonment and hurt.
One other thought: I have been married now for 28 years and there are days when I believe I have fought for every moment of this marriage...and I know my husband feels that way as well. Perhaps fighting isn't the best word to use...working hard at it may be a better choice. There is no resting on the laurels in marriage!
2007-04-02 03:38:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some things people can do are much worse than cheating.
You mentioned elsewhere that you deserted your husband after he was diagnosed with cancer and you thought he was going to die. If this is true then you need to grant him a divorce without causing him further grief.
You need to realize that you totally screwed up, betrayed his love in the worst possible way and you need to head on down the road of life - by yourself.
Your husband has been through some very serious life and death situations which made him think very closely about life, his own mortality and what was really important to him. You were not there for him when he really needed you to be.
You say he treated you like a queen and yet you chose to abandon him when things looked grim. Now he knows that he can't trust you, doesn't need you and will be much better off without you.
Maybe, after therapy, you can discover why you did what you did and maybe someday you can learn how to be a better partner with someone new - but you blew it with your previous husband and he deserves a divorce without you hassling him.
2007-04-02 08:11:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would fight for my marriage. Yes, we make mistakes, but we have to learn to work through them. Let him know that you're sorry. If fear was the reason you abandoned him, tell him you got scared. Just let him know whats on your heart, and in turn listen to what he has to say, because it's an aweful feeling when someone you love who you think will be there for you is not, so be understanding of his feelings. If it doesn't work out, atleast you can be at peace with the fact that you tried.
2007-04-02 04:03:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you got married did you tell yourself that you would do anything to keep your marriage together? If yes, then fight and fight hard! He needs to understand that people make mistakes and that you should be allowed that. If you continue to make the same mistake over and over his divorce is then justified. Finally, maybe he was waiting for you to fail him so he can leave, not trying to be mean, but some people do that so they can lay the blame elsewhere, and not take any responsibility. What it really boils down to, though, is how much you love him and if it is really worth fighting for it!
2007-04-02 04:30:59 · answer #5 · answered by gouda1988 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're a coward who never stands up for anything. You remind me of an old girlfriend I used to date. She was exactly like you; and I now have nothing but contempt for you.
Based on what you're telling us, seems like you're taking the easy way out and not even trying to fight for this marriage. This obviously doesn't mean squat to you, so why don't you cut the B.S. and ADMIT you don't want to fight for the marriage?
Why don't you come clean and admit this marriage means nothing to you? Talk is cheap, you know.
2007-04-05 20:13:32 · answer #6 · answered by brashsassy007 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your husband sincerely for forgiveness (no "I'm sorry BUT...." since "but" implies you believe you're not completely to blame for your own actions). And understand that if he does decide to give you another chance that it will be some time before he recovers from the hurt and betrayal. Counselling would be a good idea if he's agreeable. A good marriage requires a lot of hard work, compromise, and forgiveness. Hopefully, you're both willing to do that. Best of luck to you.
2007-04-02 03:49:59 · answer #7 · answered by roley4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing you need to forgive yourself for waht you did. If you can not forgive yourself how can anyone else forgive you.
I like to believe there certain things in this world that are worth fighting for, worth laying it all on the line for. The person you love it one of them. With out acting like a pyscho, do what ever you have to do to make sure he understands that your marriage is worth for. Do things to remind him of the reasons he fell in love with you and the first place. You may not be able to fix what you have done, but make sure he know's how much you regret it.
Unfortuantely if it can't be fixed, let him know, that even though he may never forget what happended, just ask that someday he's able to forgive you. And let him know what place he'll always have in your life.
2007-04-02 03:47:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would fight for your marriage. If it really is that important to you it is worth the effort. Besides, if you didn't fight and just signed the papers you would never know how things would have turned out if you had tried to work it out. Perhaps you can ask your husband if he would be willing to try marriage counseling.
I hope things work out for you!
2007-04-02 03:36:17 · answer #9 · answered by jenlynn42 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have too much pride and give up love then you'll live in misery, but if you give pride a shove and love another chance then whatever the outcome is...you'll never regret.
If you don't fight then you'll lose, but if you stand up and fight then there is a chance of rebuttle and possibly a chance to stand up to love again and rebuild its ground and security.
Go to your heart for advice not brains when it comes to love.
2007-04-02 03:46:03 · answer #10 · answered by SueNa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋