We're in financial difficulties, my husband is very proud and wont ask for help, my in-laws offered to help. Should I go behind his back and accept the money. I can make sure he never knows about it. Any advice?
2007-04-02 03:28:19 · 31 answers · asked by Sweetheart 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No way. Those are his parents. Do you want him and your parents sneaking around behind your back? Your married. That means the two of you do things like making decisions together. Be thankful that he wants to take care of his family on his own. Anyways you don't want toget in the habbit of borrowing money.
2007-04-02 03:33:03 · answer #1 · answered by dumbblond 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never go behind your husbands back especially if it is his parents that want to lend a helping hand. If he doesn't want there help he has a reason maybe see if your parents can help out then it would not be such a problem because there your family?. Really though it is never a good idea to borrow
money from family maybe consider a personal loan just to pull you out of the hole your in?
God Bless and Good Luck.
One question do you work? That could solve your money troubles right there get a job if you do not have one?.
Come on everyone has come to the realization that a double income is almost necessary this day and age.
2007-04-02 03:35:36 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is a proud man i tink going behind his back is the wrong thing to do especially them being his parents.
And if you was to go behind his back and get the financial help and not tell him what would you tell him as to where the money came from? It could turn into a pretty nasty circle of lies and tales and that isnt good in a marriage.
Talk to your husband again and tell him that you must both agree on a resolve.
And good luck
2007-04-02 03:32:08 · answer #3 · answered by Fadwa 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, once the going behind each others backs begins, it will never stop. This will be breaking the level of trust you have in each other, and without trust; you will have no marriage on top of the financial struggles.
Everyone goes through their times of financial struggle, that is one of the lessons of life.
If your husband is too proud to accept help from his parents; than he needs to take an additional job, or you both need to get some financial counseling in order to work these problems through.
If his pride endangers your health and well being, you need to rethink this relationship. The measure of a man is his ability to protect and provide for his family. (I am not saying that you cannot be involved, but he should be pulling his weight.)
When my husband and I struggled financially early in our marriage, he would work extra shifts or even take on a second job in order to help us get back on our feet, I was a stay at home Mom for some of the time, but would work part-time and would type papers for college students for extra money (yes this was back in the years of the typewriter...pre-computer in every persons dorm room.)
There is an old saying of "Pride goest before a fall....," your husband needs to be less prideful and you both need to rework your finances. Go onto the Dave Ramsey site for some great financial advice. He is also on radio, check listings in your area.
Good luck.
2007-04-02 03:44:44 · answer #4 · answered by Sue F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure you know that going behind your husband's back to accept a loan from HIS family member would not make things better, possibly make things worse right? So I hope you don't do that. It doesn't matter if he never knows about it - it's about your character and having a good moral compass.
I have a bad feeling about borrowing from family members because unless you are SURE that you can pay them back, you're risking losing their trust, and you're inviting arguments, problems and their involvement in you and your husband's life in the way you probably don't want them to.
It depends on the amount you want to borrow - (is it a hundred dollars? Thousands of dollars?), and how certain you are that you'll be able to pay them back.
Good luck.
2007-04-02 03:40:06 · answer #5 · answered by Strawberry 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO - if you do this you break down the trust & honesty between you and your husband. That is more important then being in financial straights. The economy is against all but the wealthy right now, but think of how much worse things could really be and trust your husband enough to sit down and work things out together however you must as couple - for better or worse, richer or poorer in sickness and health. You can explain to your spouse how you feel and he can explain how he feels - each of you need to respect the others feelings about it and come to decision together that you can live with. You need to support his decision not to borrow, but ask him what his plan is and that you love him enough to a part of his plan.
2007-04-02 03:34:49 · answer #6 · answered by martiek7 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im not sure how your inlaws are but mine will hold a favor over my head FOREVER!! They gave us their old car 4 years ago for a wedding present and I hear about it every time I am around them. On the other hand we have borrowed BORROWED money from them and paid them back within 2 months and have never heard another word. If you will be able to pay them back soon enough I find no problem with it, but if you can't and it would be a gift of $ I would probibly try to get it somewhere else!! If the inlaws are the controlling type I would be very careful because this would be a way to control you!! GL!
2007-04-02 03:34:01 · answer #7 · answered by Mommyof3 BGB 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Going behind someone's back to do something will eventually blow up in your face. They will find out eventually and when they do, it will be trouble for you as well.
I would talk to your husband, lay down the facts, explain how it is impossible to make it without help. If he is proud, work out a system where you pay your in-laws back - with interest if it makes him feel better. As it is your in-laws, you can always make a "deferred payment plan" where you pay them back, but only after your financial situation improves.
This way, it is not charity. Even a proud person who may not want to accept help, may be convinced to do. Though I think it may be up to you to do the actual asking.
Good luck.
2007-04-02 03:33:54 · answer #8 · answered by TMemories 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should never do anything behind your spouses back. Just be up front with him and tell him that you all are having a lot of financial difficulties and his parents offered and you all need to accept it. Unless he has some other plan, just try to explain to him that is an option he needs to be opened to.
2007-04-02 03:41:41 · answer #9 · answered by JCaton 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It matters of in laws, it is best that the sole responsibility lie with your husband. I would pursue trying to convince him to get help from his inlaws before going behind his back. If he is adament that he doesn't want help, then give him a deadline. Tell him "You have until such and such time to have a way out of this. If not, we are taking the help from your parents." That's how I'd put it, but I'd give him a chance to get out of the financial difficulties first, but fully knowing that if that fails, he's going to have to swallow his pride and get the help.
2007-04-02 03:33:34 · answer #10 · answered by TrixyLoo 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋