what should i do if my boyfriend wants me to have an abortion but i dont?

Question

i took a test and i think i may be pregnant. my boyfriend on the other hand wants an abortion. he thinks thatll be the only solution in making the problem better. but i think hes mad at me 4 not wanting to....can anyone help?

Answer 1

Don't let him tell you what to do.
Having an abortion is a huge deal..but so is a having a kid.
Are you financially stable to have a child? Are you finished school? Do you have a good support system of family and friends?
Sounds like your bf is a jerk. I'd say get away from him. If you decide to keep your baby, he probably wont want anything to do with it.
Do what you feel is right. No one can make this decision for you. Having a child changes your life bigtime. For the better, more often than not..but being a single mom will be tough. But you can do it!
Good luck and congrats on the baby if you keep it.

Answer 2

I'm in a similar situation...I just found out I'm 5 weeks and my EX boyfriend wanted me to abort it. I'm not aborting my child because he doesn't want to take on the responsibilities of being a father. I had to let my ex go because he didn't want the baby and I did. Do the right thing, whatever makes you happy. DON'T have an abortion because he wants you too. If he doesn't want to be apart of the baby's life then cut him off. There are a lot of programs that help single parents if you need it. There are different things to do if you need help, don't do something because someone wants you too. This baby will mean a lot to you, with or without him around. Good Luck!

Give him time to process everything, let him be alone for a few days so he can think about what's going on. My situation was just like this for the last 5 days but now, my ex has came around and wants to have a part in the whole thing....


GOOD LUCK AND JUST GIVE HIM TIME!

Answer 3

Ultimately, it is your decision.

Recognize that he does have a vested interest
in this (presumably we're talking about his
potential kid), but because it is your body, you
are the ultimate authority.

You could even have the kid and demand that
he pay child support.

However, that's where your rights end. You cannot
force him to want the kid, take care of the kid or
love you.

All you can make him do is hate you for the rest
of your lives. You would, potentially, be bringing the
child up alone with only monetary assistance, and
grudging assitance at that.

It really depends on why you want to keep the
kid. If you are doing it because you want to have
a kid, then you might be better off waiting until
you have better resources around you.

If you have moral objections to aborting the child,
then you could consider adoption.

If you think you've got the gumption to go it alone ...
well, good luck!

Do you know how the pregnancy happened?
Were you using birth control and it didn't work?
You and he are both equally responsible for birth
control - and there is little harm in doubling up.

He might consider a vasectomy - they are usually
reversible and are very easy (fast, painless) to do.

If keeping together with him is more important
than having the baby, you might consider using
your abortion as leverage to have him get a
vasectomy.

Answer 4

Ultimately it's your choice. You are going to have to live with the decision in a way that your boyfriend will not. And it will not be an easy one. Don't do it just because he wants you to, or you will probably regret it the rest of your life. I am not saying this as a political statement. If you determine that it is the best course of action for you, then it's your choice. But it's not your boyfriend's. He's not the one who will have to undergo the procedure and he's not the one carrying the child. And do not let him make you feel like it's all your fault. You were both there to make the baby, and he had a chance to prevent it then, and he didn't.

And there are other options. If you don't want the baby, contact your local pregnancy refuge center or local Catholic Church (even if you are not catholic), they will help you with other options. Remember, there are lots of families out there that can't have children and would love to have yours.

If you do want to keep the baby, I wish you the best of everything. Again, the local pregancy center will help you. I hope you have a family or friends to support you because it doesn't sound like your boyfriend will. You have to be prepared for that. Your boyfriend probably doesn't relish the idea of child support, but it's a little late to close the gate.

Good luck.

Answer 5

If you do not want one you absolutely should not have one. Do not let anyone else pressure you into having an abortion. (And don't let anyone else pressure you into not having an abortion, if you do want one.)

If your boyfriend does not want the baby, however, you will have to come to terms with that. When figuring out what *you* want and making *your* plans, don't harbor fantasies that he'll "come around," that he'll be there for you and/or for your baby, emotionally, financially*, or in any way at all. He may be -- I don't know him and I'm not saying that he's going to disappear -- but it is a mistake to think or assume that a person who doesn't want to be a father will, well, be a father. You will need to talk with him to determine what kind of involvement he'll have or want as a father (and what involvement you want him to have), and also make some judgments of your own about what you think will really happen (that is, if he says now he'll support the baby, or be there as a father, do you think that will truly come to pass? and vice versa.)

(* As for financial involvement, of course he has a financial responsibility, and you can sue him for child support, as others have said. But that isn't always the end of the story, as so many fathers skip out on child support. Again, I'm *not* saying your boyfriend will be one of those guys -- you know him and can make a better judgment than I can about that! But if you have doubts that he'd willingly pay support, you should keep in mind, when figuring out how to work things out financially, that the term "deadbeat dad" exists for a reason.)

Do what you believe is right for you. The decision is yours, and yours alone, to make. Make a careful decision, weighing all the facts and likely scenarios, and then do what you think is best -- whether that's raising the child on your own (or with your boyfriend, if that's an option), placing the child for adoption, or having an abortion.

Best of luck.

Answer 6

The decision rests solely in your hands, no one can force you. If you don't want to have an abortion, don't, there are many alternatives. There is always adoption, or you could keep the baby. My suggestion, talk to your parents, a teacher or counselor. And as for your boyfriend being mad, he can get over it, you want to do the right thing, he's not the one that will be affected most by this, so of course the consequences aren't weighing on his mind. Do what you feel is right, don't let anyone talk you into doing anything. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Let's put things in perspective: Why does he want an abortion? 1st - he doesn't want the responsibility; 2nd - he's not ready for it; 3rd - he doesn't want to be tied down; 4th - your boyfriend is a complete idiot!

2nd question: Why don't you want an abortion? Simple - you're afraid.

3rd question: Why are you considering it? (If you weren't considering it, you wouldn't be posting this question here). Simple again - you can't defend yourself coz' you have no idea what to say or do and secondly, you're in love with your boyfriend and don't want him to leave you for not doing what he wants.

Here's my answer:
1st - The obvious - Medical: Abortion puts your life at serious risk. When you remove a fetus, you are injected with chemicals that cause powerful contractions that can compromise your health and your body will take time washing the chemicals away. Survival rate is medium-high but there's still the risk. There are safer methods of abortion with lesser risk DURING the procedure - it's the after-effects that puts you at an even greater risk.

2nd - The not-so-obvious - Moral: It's just plain wrong. Having an abortion is like stabbing your parents, brother, or sister with a kitchen knife directly in their heart... what's worse - it's your kid you're actually killing. Here's a thought: If you were the kid and your mom aborted you... you finish the statement. Weigh it properly: your idiotic boyfriend or family? If he's married, you shouldn't have been with him in the first place...

3rd - Plain and Simple - Fidelity: A man who tells you to do that does not love you - he just wants to have sex with you and not take responsibility for his actions. A person who loves you will do everything for you and do what's good for you.

* Ditch the idiot and embrace your child. Learn from your mistakes and move on... I know it's simple to say it but hard to do; that's life. If I were in your position, I'd be scared too but things always work-out for the better - if you choose it to be. The best people who can help you right now would be your parents. Don't be afraid...

Answer 8

It's your decision. I don't know how old you are but if you decide to have this child, please take care of him/her. Taking care of and raising children is not for the weak of heart. However difficult you THINK it will be, multiply that by about 1000 to get a true sense of what's ahead. And honestly, that won't really prepare you for what's going to happen. I was 25 when I had my first child and I had no clue of what was ahead of me. I don't think anyone really does until you're there, then, it's too late to say "I'm not ready for this" I have a niece and a nephew, both had children (not 1 but 2 each!) very young and neither want to be bothered with their own children! Now it becomes the hardship of relatives who are caught between making sure the children are loved and cared for and parents who could, at any time, for any whim, swoop down and want to take these children. It's a mess and the children are innocents and don't deserve to have parents who have no desire to take the time or make the sacrifices necessary to give them a decent life. So, if you're not going to follow through, maybe your boyfriend has the right idea at this time. But you have to live with the decision, either way, for the rest of your life...not him, he gets to walk without looking back if that's what he wants to do. This is why you shouldn't play house until you can afford one!
God bless and keep you!

Answer 9

Any girl who does not want to have an abortion definitely should not. I have 2 very beautiful daughters the oldest was born when I was 17 my husband had turned 20 so we were very young, but I always knew I'd have him to help me. But I have a best friend who has a little girl & the dad already had 5 kids with other women so he wanted her to have an abortion of course she didn't want to so she told him she would if he paid for it & she kept the money for the baby. I know that sounds wrong but she told him right after he gave it to her what she was gonna' do. But seriously, talk to your parents especially your mom, & no you don't need a guy like that but he is the baby's daddy & eventually he will want something to do with the baby & as long as he pays child supoport it's up to you. I'll pray for you. I know a lot of other young moms too & yes it's hard but I don't knowof anyone who would trade their babies for anything. I deffinitelywould NOT. No matter how hard it is. And don't be afraid to tell his mom either because as long as he lives at home she'll probably make him help you.

Answer 10

If you're pregnant and do not want to have an abortion-don't do it. It's your body. Just as a woman has the legal right to choose to have an abortion, you have the legal right to choose NOT to have an abortion. Unless you plan to give the baby up for adoption; however, you should sue him for child support. He may not want the responsibility of a child but that was the risk he ran when engaged in the activity that made the child. Best of luck to you!