Would you walk away or fight for your marriage?

Question

I had 5 years of pure marital bliss before I made a huge mistake I'll most likely never forgive myself for (I didn't cheat).My husband doesn't seem to be able to get past it and has served me with divorce papers but I still love him and don't want to give up. Would you walk away without a fight from the one person who loved you and took care of you like no one ever has before and in turn give them what they want or would you sacrifice your dignity and ask for another chance one last time?

Abandoning him when he needed me most was my mistake.

Answer 1

Some things people can do are much worse than cheating.

If you really deserted your husband after he was diagnosed with cancer then you need to take a hard look at yourself.

You need to realize that you totally screwed up, betrayed his love in the worst possible way and you need to head on down the road of life - by yourself.

Having gone through a battle with cancer your husband has now been through some very serious life and death situations which made him think very closely about life, his own mortality and what was really important to him. You were not there for him when he really needed you to be.

You say he treated you like a queen and yet you chose to abandon him when things looked grim. Now he knows that he can't trust you, doesn't need you and will be much better off without you.

You need to grant his divorce request without hassling him further. Then you should seek counseling to help you find out why you chose to desert your husband when he needed you most. Maybe some day in the future you can meet someone new and do a better job of being a girlfriend or wife. People can change over time so there is always hope - just not for your previous marriage.

Answer 2

There is only so much fighting you can do in a case where the other is serving you with divorce papers. Go to him and ask him how you can make it right, if you can make it right and what needs to be done to get back to marital bliss. If he tells you that there is nothing you can do, give him a couple of days to think it over. If nothing changes on his side, then you need to accept the fact that what ever it is you did will not be forgiven by him and you need to let him go. Even if you were able to convince him to stay, if you can not get past this issue, things will never be the same and you both will just be miserable all the time. He will have to want to stay and work things out if it is going to work.

Answer 3

If you had 5 years of "marital bliss" and made an apparently unforgivable mistake I would have to ask was it marital bliss for him too?

I think that good relationships are so hard to find, maintain and keep that if you have a good one it is worth trying to keep.

As far as sacrificing your dignity I don't think that asking for what you truly in your heart of hearts want and believe could be a great relationship again is a sacrifice.

Look at it this way, if you do everything in your power to remedy the situation you lay your heart on the line (and yes it will hurt if rejected) and he still chooses to pursue divorce then you have the comfort of knowing that you did everything in your power and it wasn't enough for him.

You can not make him do what you want but you can lay your heart on the line and let him know just how much you love him, your relationship and your future hopes and dreams with him. He may choose to throw it away and that is his choice but at least there will be no question that he knows your heart.

I have no idea what "thing" you did but I hope that if your relationship can be salvaged that it is.

Some people would say to guard your heart and protect it but even if it gets broken it will heal in time but you will never be able to deal with knowing you didn't do everything you could have to salvage what in your opinion was bliss!

Answer 4

Unfortunately a marriage takes 2 people.

It sounds as if he has made up his mind, but suggest counseling if you are able. Trust is a hard thing to regain, but if you can get to the reason why what happened happened, and therefor how to avoid it or deal with it in the future, maybe he would be willing to try.

But if he is unwilling to listen or try, then you should conceed defeat and learn from your mistake (maybe consider counseling for your self at least). This is a "fight" you can not win- as what u want by fighting is to make he stay, which is impossible for you to do- that is something HE has to choose to do.

Answer 5

If you love him as much as you express then the dignity shouldn't even be an issue, chuck it out the window and get your man back! We all make mistakes it's only human. The important thing is when you do make one and you lose never lose the lesson! You messed up but it's not the end of the world and it can be worked through, dont give up and never stop fighting!!!! Give him time and let him know how truly sorry you are, I can tell you feel remorse just from your question, let him know and let him know you will spend the rest of your lives together making it up to him and do it. You can do it do not give up!Good Luck
T.

Answer 6

Let me spell it out for you. YOU DON'T DESERVE ANOTHER CHANCE!!!

YOU ARE A COWARD WHO NEVER STANDS UP FOR ANYTHING!!! YOU DESERVE EVERY BIT OF HURT YOU RECEIVE!!!!

Personally, I think you deserve to go down life's path, alone and miserable, the sad sack you are.

I think you should get up off your lazy a** and fight if this marriage really means something to you, but obviously it doesn't. You SAY it does, but your actions say differently.

So do us all a favor, stop wasting our time with your whining and self-pity, and go fall into a severe depression or something now?

I pity the next fool you fall for.

YOu say you cannot change his mind, what exactly DID you do to try to convince him? Probably not much, in a half-hearted way.

Answer 7

HELL YES! Beg forgiveness! FIGHT with everything you got to save it! Let your spouse see what you're made of, how strongly you want this to work, how you will never make the same mistake again. That you have learned from it and have seen the pain you have caused, and wish with all your heart you could take it back. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!

Answer 8

If you say you didn't cheat what made your hubby want to divorce you?
If anything I would fight but if the other person is set in there ways to get out it may just be easier to let go!

God Bless and I hope you can fix your marriage!

Answer 9

Yes, be humble one more time. What do you have to lose at this point? I don't know what could've happened that would make him react this way but I hope he will reconsider. If nothing else, see if you (your attorney) can file a motion to continue the divorce hearing for 6 months to give him some more time to let his emotions settle down and perhaps he will not act on them and will look at things a bit calmer.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Sometimes it is easier to walk away. If you have the resources and the support, go. If and when he forgives you he will come back. Walking away is a lot easier than trying to force some one to love and respect you again. Once that is lost it is very difficult to regain.