how to get over frustation that husband is geting very overweight and wont stop smoking?

Question

we have been married for 9 months but had been living together for 4 years. Since we got married he has gained over 30 pounds and has tried to stop smoking his pack a day only to give up before one week. He has been a surfer all hia life but lately he is too heavy and out of breath to stay in the water too long. When i try to talk to him about his health he says one is going to die anyway so might as well enjoy. And when i tell him about his appearance he laughs and pushes his belly out more. Im a health conscious person, i workout and try to always look good for me and him. he doesnt seemed to care. I ve interest in having sex though he hasn't to i give in but no in the same way. i feel this is affecting my marraige and dont know what to do

Answer 1

People know when they are overweight and people know when they have an addiction and in all cases they know they have to resolve the problem.
Sometimes they feel extremely uncomfortable if someone else tells them what to do, because they KNOW what they have to do.

There is nothing you can do about this, this is his decision and just he can help himself.

Answer 2

You are doing the right thing take care of yourself once he see's that the smoking and extra weight is affecting his health he will stop. It is only then though that he will change. You nagging him everyday is only going to make him want to do it all the more. I would just explain to him that you love him and want to have a long life with him and give your support go to the gym together everyone use's that excuse tell him yeah like I haven't heard that one before. Really just be supportive
keep fit because that is what you want and tell him that you are losing sexual interest in him since he has had this weight gain and smell's like an ashtray all the time. If you do not know this already it is a common fact that smoking is harder to quit then cocaine or heroine. Talk to him about alternatives like the patch, nicorette gum or the new one the inhaler.

God Bless and Good Luck if anything tell him don't do it for himself ask him to do it for you!

Answer 3

Natural Quit Smoking Magic

Answer 4

It's okay to be concerned about his health. Is he really over weight or just a few pounds? Giving him a hard time over his appearance is only going to hurt his self esteem, not encourage him to lose weight. Ask him if he will work out with you.

As for the smoking, you are expecting him to quit for you because you are married. He will only quit if he wants to quit. They are very addictive and it has to be something he wants to do for himself. Also, you can't marry someone and them expect him to change. If he smoked before you were married and you accepted him then you shouldn't expect him to change. This is why some men think women marry them expecting to change them, it doesn't work.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

Stop trying to control some one else. You married this person because you enjoy their presence in your life. It was not because they have a small belly. Sounds like he was a smoker before the marriage. Why do you all of sudden want to change him. See we get a package deal. Start focusing on what you love about him and quit focusing on what you do not. The things you would like to see changed will if he so desires.

Answer 7

You can be honest and open to him. Be very careful to come across as a concerned friend rather than just an extension of his mom telling him what to do. Don't try too hard to change him -- frustrations in marriage come when the woman tries to change her husband. Ultimately, thought, he'll only quit smoking and loose weight if he wants to -- when the pain of not quitting exceeds the pain of quitting.

Answer 8

I had the same problem with my husband and his smoking habit. He had promised when we got married he's quit, as a present to me for our wedding. He didn't quit until two years later. He has to want to quit for himself, no one other than himself. I'm sorry to say that. It's not that you don't matter enough to him to stop, but if it's not his own decision, he won'tstick to it. Obviously you've already told him how you feel, so now all you can really do is wait.

Answer 9

you really can't change your hubby into being as health conscious as you are any more than he can change you into being as lax as he is...you can't change another person--- only they can transform themselves. So just keep doing what you are doing for yourself, and let him do the same. His response to you about him knowing he is the one who is going to die tells me that he is aware of his plight...he's just not ready to do anything yet. Perhaps, he doesn't know where to begin..try asking him if he would like to go for a romantic walk with you, he may begin to enjoy walking..and that is a step in the right direction..

Answer 10

He has to do those things when it's right for him, not you. Just because he's your husband doesn't mean that you own his life. I think it is in his best interest that he lose weight and not smoke. Give him some positive incentive that he can't see for himself. Don't try to use pressure, it never works...in fact, it could have the opposite effect. Good luck