My fiance and I have been together for 7 years and are planning on getting married soon. Through out that time he has talked about the idea of having another person in our lives to go on road trips with, etc. I always just thought he meant a friend. He asked me to be open and have a relationship with another woman. He didn't want to have one with her by himself, he wanted us to be a family. I tried, un-happily. I am not really attracted to women but I love my fiance so much I thought I would try to be open minded. A few months after we ended things with her, and I thought it was all over, he found another woman. She ended up in a bad situation and had no where to live. So he asked if it would be ok if she stayed on our couch for a while. He told me he wanted to try a relationship with her. I wanted to make him happy so I said yes. Now she is living with us. He considers us all in a relationship. I don't know what to do? Has this happend to anyone before? : (
2007-04-01 16:10:33 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I appreciate all your advice. Is there anyone out there that has gone through something like this? The thing is he doesn't want to hide it. He wants me to love her too. She is a sweet person, but I think it might be beyond me to love her in a romanic way. If someone is out there that has been through this or knows about this type of relationship please let me know if there is a place online I could talk to people of this life choice. And to answer if it were a guy how would he feel? To him it is about the person and not what is between their legs. There was one guy he was drawn to but he lived far away so I never got to see if he would have thought to have this relationship with him. Again, thanks for your advice.
2007-04-01 17:29:32 · update #1
He's not going to change. And obviously, this isn't what you want in life. You would always be miserable. If you are not enough for him, he's not good enough for you. I canNOT imagine, even if I didn't think it was immoral, sharing my husband with another woman. You can probably read back through your letter and know what you have to do. If walking out is too hard, at least pack a bag and go somewhere to be with a friend or a relative that can help you get some perspective on a sick situation. I'm so sorry for your grief over this...but you need to leave and start getting over him. My best...
2007-04-01 16:20:23 · answer #1 · answered by Jenny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know people who are in polygamous relationships that work. However your situation doesn't sound very promising because you're not interested in making it work. And you have every right not to. Im definitely a one-man woman and want a one-woman man. So considering your guy seriously wants a polygamous relationship and you don't, I'd say your marriage won't work if you go through with it. Either you'd be miserable from having another woman around or if you put your foot down and say me alone or I'm leaving, he may just let you walk. Have you told him exactly how you feel? You should start there and then make a decision from there.
2007-04-01 23:36:44 · answer #2 · answered by Giving/Seeking Advice 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It looks like he is intent on this so if you can't live with this you need to get out now. Looks like you are having a real problem with this, & I'm sure most of would. I am so sorry for you , but unless you can deal with all this it's not going to work out. You could talk to him & give him a chance to try to change this, but I doubt very seriously he will change his mind about it now since you let him do it to start with. Tell him you no longer want to have this kind of relationship & if you can't go back to the way things were before the other women you can't stay with him. Explain how this makes you feel & how badly this all hurts you & that you thought you could live with things this way, but just can't do it anymore. Try not to yell,or get angry. Make sure the other girl is nowhere around, & won't be for a while, when you have this discussion. If you have to, get him to go somewhere else to discuss this. I hope everything works out for you. :(
2007-04-01 23:46:50 · answer #3 · answered by thepeacelover01 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all i have never heard of a man wanting a relationship with another woman as you have mentioned. And secondly, If he truly adores you and loves you then he will respect you adn your feelings. So tell him how you feel and that you dont like it. You cant keep feelings inside, not about somethign like this. U have to be open and honest with him its the best thing to do. How would he feel if YOU wanted a man in the relationship....?? Instead of a woman...
Just tell him exactly how you feel.
I hope it all works out for you!
2007-04-01 23:39:18 · answer #4 · answered by fasho006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hell Naw it wouldnt happen if he felt that strongly about openly cheating in my face I'd rather be alone especially if your just trying to keep a "fiance" you deserve monogamy especially if your talking about marriage girl that isnt the one for you! How many different ways do you need to hear it tonight.
Obviously he is playing you Lord knows for how long hes be just blatantly cheating and then he says she has no place to stay what happen to the previous place or did she just fall from a tree....
girl no put that B out and give him an ultimatum period make plans to move in with your parents..
this is a no brainer would not happen in my life no no not 2007 girlfriend!
2007-04-01 23:32:06 · answer #5 · answered by Diva 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You tried it, you didn't like it, that's enough. If this guy wants to be with two women at once, all the time, he needs to find two women who are happy with that. You aren't. Find a man who wants only you. This guy is not listening to what you want, and he never will.
2007-04-01 23:26:31 · answer #6 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey i'v had sex with 2 women before but but i aint went as far as your fiance has and never wil . the old saying is 2 a company but 3 a crowd . i can just here my wife tell her opinion about this .good luck
2007-04-05 21:54:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would either put your foot down or I would leave. He needs to understand that this is something you are not open to and he is disrespecting you by having her, or any other women, in your house.
2007-04-01 23:38:13 · answer #8 · answered by mcgrawm7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get rid of this guy. He isn't going to be a faithful husband.
You wouldn't be true to yourself if you go along with his ideas. You will just get hurt.
2007-04-02 00:01:02 · answer #9 · answered by kiwi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is the only one giving an d taking
you are it over your head get out and find a normal guy that , loves you and onl.y you
you deserve the best and this guy is a loser
2007-04-01 23:32:11 · answer #10 · answered by leroux3s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋