What is the true problem with (most) MOTHER IN LAWS? Are they just jealious? How do you get out of this crap?

Question

I don't have as many issues with my mil as I use to but when I first married her son she was nosey as usual and wanted to be in our lives and business all the time. She would make nasty remarks and my husband never back me up, but now since I literally knocked her into her place things have changed. However I still have some resentment towards her nad I know she is very lonely. It's like she wants to be the wife she gets upset when her son buys me anything, and was so jealious when we got pregnant (which I lost) she pretended she was pregnant shortly afterwards. I know she has something wrong with her (which you would never know by looking) because she is a working class women just like the rest of us but she has this obsession with her sons. I was a relief to know she was the same way with her very GAY son wanting to still run his life but can someone just tell me WHAT THEIR FREAKIN PROBLEM IS

Answer 1

She's a mother and as a mother it is her job to fill you out. Chill out and treat as you would your own mother. I know there were times when you were young and your mother got on your nerves. Treat this the same way. Kill her with kindess. I know this works, because there has only been one guys mother that didn't like me. do as I say! You;ll be alright girl.

Answer 2

She just wants to be reassured of her place in her sons hearts.
Just because a child grows up and becomes an adult ; it doesn't mean she stops being a mother. Some moms hold on too tight and become overbearing in an effort to garner attention for themselves. Encourage your husband to put aside a special time for her like a monthly luncheon and let her know you are behind it. She will soon see you as an ally instead of a usurper or competitor. Not all MIL's are like this but some are. It is good that you set boundaries for her. That is important to a civil relationship. Take care of yourself and don't let her get under your skin.

Answer 3

Be his wife~not his mother (these are two seperate identities~save your marriage. By that I mean a marriage where young ladies get vile with a man's mother will be sure to fail or remain in chaos ALL the time. Consider the "gay" BIL....lacking dad altogether or has a weak father and possibly hubby as well as boys grow to learn to be men not women so it is dad they look to for this....no excuse as we all have not right to excuse ourselves from growing up due to our childhoods. If a mature marriage was in progress, your hubby would fill his position as a husband who is married and also has a mother. A healthy headship would not allow or enjoy the MIL/DIL fighting over him nor would get rid of either because he wouldn't see himself as a victim. A responsible husband would not tollerate any of this.

Also keep in mind that it could be too late for you....if there has been too much interferance in family relationships - possibly even friendships hubby may resent you. I hope it's not too late to turn this around. I hate to see young couples causing their own divorce when these things all have solutions.

Answer 4

Lol, this sounds so familiar. Now that I am a mum, I try and think of it from her point of view. I love my little boys so much, and I am their whole world, so I guess when one day they love another woman more than me, even though I still love them more than anyone, it will be a little bit crushing. I think the mothers are just scared of losing their little boy, and probably jealous too, but they always seem to go about showing it the wrong way. It doesnt help when us wives act all defensive as well and make it a two way thing. I hope when my boys are older I am more aware of what I am doing and try to back off a bit.
Just ignore it and keep being extra nice to her. Hopefully she will start doing the same. :)

Answer 5

Jealousy. They used to be the #1 lady in their son's lives. Now, suddenly, another woman has appeared. A woman who doesn't seem to want to treat their sons as well as Mom did. A woman who can't cook or clean as well as Mom does. A woman who seems to prevent their sons from visiting them as often.

My MIL thought I was nowhere good enough for her son. She didn't like it that he spent his money on me, and that he bought me gifts that weren't totally necessary. I mean, like, how dare he buy me new windows, and a dishwasher, and carpeting. Even an electric typewriter (years ago) instead of a little manual that was less than 1/3 the cost. And a microwave. Who needs a microwave? Couldn't I cook things in the oven the way sane people do? etc, etc, etc.

She made nasty remarks about me, too. If I complained and my husband asked her, she had this way of saying. "all I said was......" and say the exact same thing, but in a sweet tone of voice. So I looked stupid for complaining.

But one day, her daughter told her that I'd been lazy when she'd visited me. Hadn't tended to my baby. Didn't even sweep the floor. So, my MIL wrote to my husband and told him that he'd better straighten me out in a hurry! And my husband, bless him, phoned his mother. Told her that his sister was a nasty liar, and Mom should not have listened. In fact, MIL now owed me an apology for even repeating such nasty c##p about me. It was either apologize, or we wouldn't be going to her house any more....She apologized, but I know she didn't mean it, deep down. Just that her son was choosing his wife's lies over his sister's truths.

I never conquered her. But, she died about 12 years ago.

Answer 6

It sounds like you have married into a very unstable situation. Your husband needs to have a talk with his Mother, or both of you need to set down. Not to be disrespectful or bring up old news, but rather to set some boundries. Then stick to your rules. I'm afraid you cannot fix anyone ... that is why I say state your ground (with kindness) and go on with your life's. Your Mother in Law is out of line to say the least, but reiterating this fact and so bluntly will only cause more tension. Start with your husband ... it's his Mother. Good luck!

Answer 7

Not all but some are jealous of their sons wife. Most of the time I couldn't figure out who the wife was, Me or Her. My ex told her everything, that was bad, which only made her dislike me more, and of course I was the source of his unhappiness. Whatever Mother said was the God honest truth, she was a conniving lady who had to have her way no matter who it hurt. Not to mention controlling, if she couldn't control the situation we had hell to pay for, and mind you we were in our 50's. Now you talk about a Mother's boy he was one a 100 percent. Now, I am out of there and never would I allow another person control my life. She tried everything to come between us, even went as far as tell him I had a mental problem. I was his 4th wife, but yet her son did no wrong, it was these women who couldn't be a proper wife, well, if she had moved over I could have been, but I don't like walking in someone's shadow or be number 2.

Answer 8

The old Saying no one is good enough for my child. Some mothers take it to far. In my opion It'is usually the ones who were not good parents and have guilt. My mother in law is a mentally sick and a very jealous woman not only with me but also with other people. I find it best to keep my distance and only see her when I have to. She has no barring on my marriage and is aware I am not interested in her advise and I ignore her most of the time. She has backed off since she got the hint that her drama dose not effect me.

Answer 9

This is my theory through the years...I think if mothers,as they raise they're children, are very controlling. they have a very hard time letting go of that control... a daughter in law(or son in law) in her eyes now HAS that control she so desperately misses...so they will PAY dearly for that use...this is what I have found with MY OWN mother...so much so I had to break off ties with her...she made my family's life a living hell because she simply lost control of my life(and brothers'). I'm much happier now(sad to say!)but it's what I had to do for MY family...my 4 kids were even manipulated by her...it had to stop.

Answer 10

is your mother in law Inez?? She sounds similiar to mine. I think it has a big thing to do with jealousy, as sick as that sounds. At least with my husbands mom it is that way. She was fine when we were dating, the best mil i could ask for but 3 days before our wedding she turned into a total wacko. She said we couldn't get married unless we had a big talk with her, cause at the time we were not going over there cause we were busy planning the wedding and she got upset about that..she called me every name in the book, even told my husband i was cheating and lieing to him (not true). THen after we got married she became worse, even went as far as cussing me out in the hospital, i was pregnant with our son and was having heavy bleeding! I ended up losing one of the babies that night too... SHe told my husband that he needed to leave me there and go with her!!! its jsut been worse since then so we don't talk to her anymore or have anything to do with her.... but YES I believe it is a jealousy thing!!!! your husband needs to learn to stand up to her, mine didn't at first, i threatened to leave him and he wouldn't see his 2 girls anymore, now he stands next to me and if she calls as soon as she says anything bad about me which is usually in the first 3 min. he hangs up.. You'll get through it, you just need to set up boundaries between all of you and YOU set the rules on what goes and what doesn't you be the boss, she will only treat you as bad as you let her....GOOD LUCK!!!