to swing or not to swing???...?

Question

my wife and i have an awesome fantasy life we are both very attracted to a few people who we know they would swap with us however we both have a wierd feeling about it...it is such a turn on to talk about it and we talk about it alot but if it came down to it im not sure we could actually go through with it. for the first time in our lives we are happy we are newly weds and both been through a lot of crap and now are sure we are the ones that will be spending our entire lives with. the problem is that we both want this but we cant bring ourselves to doing this
are our senses telling us something or are we just paranoid??????

Answer 1

No you guys are not just being paranoid. I believe that God himself is giving you such an uneasy feeling about this that you are in fear of making this move that will destroy your marriage. In the book of Proverbs a scripture goes on to say that a man who will commit adultery will certainly pay the price, and it is like taking fire into your bosom. Surely you guys will get burnt. Another scripture in the book of Proverbs chapter 5 states that a man who commits adultery lacks understanding and destroys his own soul. I have heard so many stories about couples participating in this act and one of them liking it so much that they start to swing without the other, and ultimately divorce their partner and leave to swing alone. This will destroy your marriage if you do this. It will also become more than what you expected and one of you might get jealous. Warning comes before destruction. Please find out why you guys want to sleep with others while you are married. This is what the bible calls lust. Not love. Being attracted to someone means nothing. That shouldnt be what makes you want to become intimate with each other. Normally peolple who have been abused emotinally or physically tend to have fantasies of threesomes or foursomes. What you guys are facing is a spiritual issue and you need to let God heal you and your wife of these issues so that you dont end up making a very big mistake. Not only that, word to the wise, even if this is "permitted" adultery, God still punishes sin. Not years later like you might think, but right away. My husband thought he would try to tempt God and put that truth to the test and within 30 days of his indiscretion we lost EVERYTHING cars, house, jobs, bank accounts, credit cards, and we ended up homeless in the one car we had left which eventually got taken too. So go ahead and take a chance if you feel strong enough to be able to take a devastating consequence for actions conceived out of lust. You will be sorry, and end up divorced from each other, and it when you think about it, it wont even have been worth it.

Answer 2

Listen to the little voice! You are both happy with one another right now, in a good relationship but coming off some hard times. Now is not the time to test your new found happiness and stability. Swinging takes a proven, strong relationship between partners to be truely successful and enjoyable. There has to be implicit trust as well as outstanding communication to be sure everyone involved is on the same page, not to mention to be sure everyone is taking into consideration things like birth control and protection against STD's. For now, keep the fantasy just that..something you and your wife share between the two of you. If in the future you still find yourself wanting to try out other partners, and both of you are in agreement and the relationship is completely stable and without doubts or stressors, you can pursue making the fantasy a reality. (however, remember that very few fantasies ever live up to what you thought they would be when brought into the real world!)

Answer 3

Wow. My husband and I had those same fantasys. They were wonderful. We would tell each other what we would like to have happen, and then have amazing sex afterwards. Then one day we finally went through with it. Of course, I wouldn't have had a three some with anyone we knew, so I put an ad on adult friendfinder. I found a very nice lady. We met her at a hotel. Although it was an experience that we will never forget, there was also a problem. During the heat of the moment, my husband kissed her. The problem with that was, I had been asking him to kiss me more in our relationship. Don't get me wrong, my husband kisses me several times each and every day. But, the way he kissed her was a little more than it should have been. I felt it was more loving than hardcore, as the rest of the evening was. My husband wanted to make sure he "still had it" throughout the night. IT was like he knew he could please me, so he wanted to see if he could please another woman. Yes, I did enjoy watching most of it, and yes, I was involved. This is what I said to him..... He acted as if he was with 2 women. Not a woman and his wife. I feel that there is a HUGE difference. Buy, the way this happened only 4 months ago. My husband feels bad, but on the other had says he had no feeling twards her what so ever. Yes, that is a good thing, but now I know he could sleep with a stranger without any connections. That scares me a little. Yes, I trust him with all my heart, but it is still there. Don't getme wrong, I believe that this experience brought us closer together.... because it damn near tore us apart. I say don't do it. All it takes is for one of you to do something that the other one wants more of. Or perhaps have never done with each other. IT is VERY risky. Besides, after it is all done and over with..... there is no more fantasy. And that sucks. Because fantasy is like you say awesome. Here is another suggestion..... if you know these people would swing.... why not just have sex in front of each other? You and your wife could enjoy watching another couple. Good luck.

Answer 4

If it makes you feel weird than don't do it. Stick to fantasy for now if you enjoy it, and if the idea is more comfortable in a few years then you can consider trying it. Swinging isn't something you should try for the heck of it. It can ruin marriages if both parties are not completely secure in the relationship. Enjoy being newlyweds, enjoy the fantasies, and just keep the lines of communication open. Don't do anything that feels weird.

Answer 5

Well I can say from experience that I had the same voice in my head when my husband and I did decide to go on with it. We were both very disappointed. Fantasies are fantasies for a reason. Also we started to question ourselves after the it took place. It brought a lot of confusion into our relationship. We are doing great now but we lost that fantasy..lol I suggest going with your instincts on this one.

Answer 6

DON'T! If you two really wanted to be with other people you shouldn't have gotten married. Fantasies are ok -- just be sure to keep them just that: Fantasies. My bf has been bugging me about doing this, even though he did it with his last gf and they broke up because of it later on. All it will do is cause questions and hard feelings. If you two are happy with each other then don't do anything to jeopardize that. It sounds like you both know this deep down, but aren't sure if it's just nerves or your consciences telling you it would be wrong. Always go with your gut! If you feel bad about it -- even the slightest bit -- then you probably shouldn't do it. Think of your marriage and your future together. How could anything be more important than this?

Answer 7

if you both want it then you need to decide if both of you are secure with each other and your love for each other. Lots of relationships break when these things happen. Sometimes it should just stay a fantasy and thats it. Even when you think your relationship is so strong, these things are complicated and can stay with you and break apart a great relationships. Fantasy is great and everyone fantasizes but sometimes things as this should stay as just that. Theres one huge question, how will you feel to see your significant other intimate with someone else. That is the question

Answer 8

Just about every "swinger" couple I've ever met is now divorced. Back ten years ago, when I was an "exceptional single" and not married I got to "know" some of those who swung. It was usually a great fantasy for a while, but then jealousies arose. You'd hear about fights and splits on nearly a weekly basis.

I kid my wife about it sometimes, but love her too much to want to push her into it.

Don't go here if you value your marriage.

Answer 9

Sounds like one of those things when talking about it, the fantasy and all, is probably better than doing it.
Wait a while, see if it passes with time, if it doesn't, then consider it with people like yourselves, first timers, but talk about all the dynamics for each of you first. Do you want to be in the same room, different rooms, everything.
Good luck.

Answer 10

Well, coming from one who swings, I'd say trust your instincts. It's not for everyone and if you two don't feel right about it then don't do it. Plus you two are newlyweds. Use this time to just be with each other. Strenghten what you have before you bring others into it.