My 4 yr. old son & I moved 4 hours away from my husband. (his idea-but I have since found out he's cheating...long story) Two days before we moved my husband came by on his hour lunch break to see our son. (before we moved my husband wasn't coming home when we were there) My son hasn't seen him or heard from him since. He didn't come by the day we moved to say bye or see him. Today marks the 10th day since my husband has talked to him. He sent me a text this past week saying he would like to talk to him whenever our son feels like it! I told him he can call him whenever he wants. I found out that what my husband was doing the day we moved was going to the hair & nail salon & spending $60 there & spending $70 at a restaurant. It's obvious he was w/his other woman. (I know the salon wasn't for him...he cuts his own hair) What does all this say about my husband as a dad? It seems to me that he's choosing her over our son & making her more important than him.
2007-04-01 12:08:45 · 17 answers · asked by love my life 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way, I will be filing for divorce as soon as I establish residency in the county I live in now. I have to wait 90 days to file.
2007-04-01 12:10:56 · update #1
Well, the good news is we are living with my parents right now and my dad is a great role model! I also have 2 brothers...one is 23 and the other 21 and they love him to pieces, too! My son has probably only asked about my husband 3 maybe 4 times since we left...but I still feel bad for him.
2007-04-01 12:19:44 · update #2
My ex husband did that, too, but we were already divorced when his antics took place. He also took the kids over to her place on his visitation weekends and the kids hated her AND her kids. I was furious! I really don't t know if I had the right to be, but it didn't matter. I finally told him that it was HIS weekend with the kids, NOT HERS!
I don't know why men do these things. I think it's to hurt us, but in reality, it's the kids that are being punished.
HE is suppose to be the adult! HE is the one that needs to take the initiative and talk to his son. He can NOT leave that decision to a 4 year old!
2007-04-01 12:18:10 · answer #1 · answered by Pom♥Mom Spay and Neuter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for your situation and having a dead-beat father, but I don't like the whole tone of your question and want to caution you: Please DON'T use your son against your soon-to-be-ex husband. This isn't a contest to prove that your husband is the worst person in the world and your son deserves better than to be used as a tool that you can point at and say 'See everybody! My husband is the devil! Look how he ignores his own son!'.
You have an untenable situation. I don't know what inspired you to move but it sounds like you were already separated before this and your husband was already acting like a dead-beat so this shouldn't be a big surprise.
Your son's interests should first, above everything else including your hurt at husband's betrayal. Please remember this as it is the most important thing.
I'm not saying you have to lie to your son to protect him or try to make excuses for the father's behavior, but you can raise him to understand not to expect to much of his father without trying to poison him against the father.
You're in a tough situation and I wish your husband was a better man; unfortunately he's not and you know he's not likely to change (though that would be great). Do everything you can to include the father in the son's life but don't *ever* drag the son into the middle of arguments or other drama between the two of you if you can help it. And then be the best mother you can be.
Good luck
2007-04-01 12:18:22 · answer #2 · answered by Jon S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband is being incredibly selfish and I hope he comes to realize that. But I must say things could be worse. My nephew is 2 and hasn't seen his father in a year and a half. His father is addicted to drugs and sold his son's Chrismas gifts to buy drugs. And now he has no desire to see his child. My nephew says Daddy Sperm Donor. Isn't that sad? Just be happy that you have a family to help support you and give your son the attention he will need. Sometimes children are better off without someone in their lives.
2007-04-01 12:25:01 · answer #3 · answered by Nikki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well hes not a good role model, not at all. He needs to step up as a father even though you are not living together! Hes got a son, hes the one who got you preggo, right?! He knew what he was getting himself into when he decided to cheat, now he needs to get a reality check and be there for his son!
Hes not worthy of your love, there are plenty of other guys.
Good luckâ¥
2007-04-01 12:14:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband soon to be ex is the best thing that
you could do for your child. Sorry to say this man
of yours is not a man in the true since of the word
because since he has a child then he should at
least be there for him. The best thing for you to do
because of the situation with your husband is to
go on with your life and think about your child and
do what is best for him under the circumstances.
Good luck.
2007-04-01 13:54:43 · answer #5 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when a man meets someone new and begins an affair, absolutely nothing can tear him away from her. how sad for your boy and for u. he is in the honeymoon stage where its almost as if he is bewitched. too bad he has no time for his boy, but all the time in the world for her, but these things happen, and there is nothing to be done but divorce. your hubby has made her his only priority and may want to distance himself from u right now, feels guilty for what he did, and is doing. but not guilty enough to make changes, this woman is probably monopolizing all of his time, but he will soon get tired of that, once the honeymoon stage ends, and it always does.
2007-04-01 12:21:00 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It means youre ex didnt realize how hard it is to be a good father and husband and that you need to find someone that can be a good role model to your son.
2007-04-01 12:20:19 · answer #7 · answered by Mark S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really doesn't say much for him as a father.
I'm with you when you say it seems he is choosing her over his son. For him to say he'll talk when you FOUR year old son is ready? Every 4 yr old is ALWAYS ready to talk to daddy...
You are in a good place with your family and you just raise that little boy with love!
I wish you luck.
2007-04-01 12:27:06 · answer #8 · answered by Susan Goodknight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the answers- file for that divorce, the picture is one of a thousand of its kind - dead beat. I sure hope you find yourself in a relationship that show you some respect and love. Oh, don't look back- just forward as you and your son are both worth it.
2007-04-01 12:19:32 · answer #9 · answered by sylviavnpttn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time you talk to your ex, let him know his absenteeism is a reflection of the type of man he is to his son, and for him not to be angry when his son doesn't want to see or talk to him.
I don't understand why some men let the little head do all the thinking............
2007-04-01 12:15:28 · answer #10 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋