I can't stand being alone?

Question

I'm 24 years old, I've had problems with depression and social anxiety for the past few years, but lately my biggest problem is being alone. I just can't stand it, I only have to be on my own for an hour and I feel unbelievably depressed and tearful for no apparent reason. I'm trying not to become "clingy" with my friends, but I just seem to feel so bad when I'm on my own - I really can't stand it any longer and I don't know what to do. I'm in tears as I write this because I've been by myself for the past 2 hours and I just feel terrible. I don't know what to do - how can I get over this? Because it hurts so much.....

I'm on venlafaxine and have been for just over a year, it's definitely helped a lot with the depression. I see a psychiatrist for about 30 minutes once every 3 or 4 months.........which doesn't really help at all.

Answer 1

Hey Jen,

i have felt like this so many times..no always though I have to admit I like being on my own a lot..but as soon as I am, especially if i am not online or keeping busy, i start to feel very very down, i get negitive thoughts into my head about how no one cares and I am just so self destructive...so my first point would be to keep busy, talk yo people on msn/yahoo messenger instead of sitting giving yourself too much time to think.. i know it can be hard. Give yoru friends a ring, thats what they are there for. I find I seem to be a clingy person at times and I don't like it, but hey if a 10 minute phone call keeps you smiling abit longer then give it a go.
I think you possibily need to see a counsellor to discuss your fears and anxieties. I know this can seem daunting but dealing with the hurt your feeling can be much worse, as I know.
Put on some music that you like, turn it up and belt out one or too songs, this can really help relieve some pent up enegry and make you feel better..it doesnt cure it but it helps a lil.

Perhaps you arent on the right medication..have you talked these feelings over with a doctor?

These feelings are devistating, i know the pain of them and its so hard to describe to people, as you don't want to sound ridiculous but your not a lone in these feelings at all and they are something that you need some help with..please try and find it! You deserve it. I bet your a lovely person with great friends who all appreciate you and want to support you..lean on them when you feel you need it and also seek some medical advice.

Best of luck, feel free to email me...i have been suicidal, depressed and many other issues so i know what its like and i am also seeing a counsellor.

Answer 2

Find a way to identify yourself without the means of other people.

There are two ways to look at every observation, and you are only choosing one to a detrimental degree. You can look at things subjectively (as you do), which means you define yourself based on the object (in this case, your friends). Or you can look at things objectively, which means you define the object based on your self.

This is a bunch of psycho mumbo-jumbo for the most part, the trick is in applying it. One of the best ways is to take up a hobby or an occupation that you can identify yourself within (i.e. I am a painter, I am a poet, etc...). While this seems like a pretty simple act, it sets the course for more objective thought, and gives you something by which to define yourself without the need of others.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with others, and that isn't a fault, the trick is in moderation. And, quite frankly, you will have more to contribute to a social setting if you have a more individualized perception of self.

And, I am amazed at how many people believe the answer is to turn to pills. Pills have no therapuetic value, and do nothing to amend the root causes of the problem. If the symptoms of a depression can be lightened by the use of medication, then that is a risk/reward that you and your doctor should determine. However, simply popping pills without doing any of the real work necessary for psychological health is not only futile, its down right dangerous.

Answer 3

I can only tell how I spend my time when I am left alone. First of all I enjoy my solitude, it gives me a chance to say my prayers, they are often for others that have asked my to pray for them. Then I look at my list of things that I need to get done, and have not found time to do them. This is often about cleaning or organizing a closet or some other area in the house. Making some tel calls to people I have neglected long enough. I also like to read, and will go to the Library to find something new to read. Spend a little time on Yahoo Q&A or watch some TV. Before I know it the time has gone by to quickly. I hope tis is helpful. Many of us not comfortable being alone, however these are some ways to cope.

Answer 4

I think medication can help, but pills don't say much. I think you shouls look into volunteer work. It often helps you get to know people without much pressure. The volunteers are so happy to have someone helping you and I can't imagine that you will do it very long before you start asking your new colleagues questions about the work. Joining social groups can also be fun, or even a therapy group. Remember, you have a lot to offer as a caring human being and giving is pretty safe - expecting something in return can be a problem. But helping people can be its own reward and shifts the focus off ourselves and onto others, where it really does belong. Peace and good luck.

Answer 5

You don't say if you are having any treatment for your depression, but i really urge to go to your doctor anyway and sort out some medication and maybe counselling? There's clearly something quite deepseated here. I really feel for you on this. I was the same when i was depressed and that feeling of absolute alone-ness is just the worst thing ever. Don't worry about seeming clingy with your friends. Those that care will understand and support you. Take care, i hope you feel better soon. xx

Answer 6

I can understand how you feel; I'm having an appointment with a public service worker tomorrow and I asked my mum to come with me because I don't want to be on my own in an unknown territory. It makes me feel sad that I can't face this world by myself but I don't see what I could do to change this attitude of mine. I do feel that I depend too much on my mum but I feel consoled by the fact that it's really beyond my power. I'm seeing a therapist too and although she has helped me significantly it hasn't solved the problem. I'm 24 years old like you and my inability to rely on myself and to be able to cope with problems and difficulties-even when this entails being on my own-grieves me very much but I have started to accept it hoping that there will come a day when all this insecurity and helplessness will be in the past. I want you to know that my thoughts are with you and if I could, I would hold you in my arms right now so as to stop feeling sad and lonely but all I can do through this cold medium of technology is to encourage you to be strong and patient; this is a hard moment, indeed, yet it IS going to pass as many others have done before. If you need someone to talk to email me any time. Take care.

Answer 7

While it would be best if you could be comfortable being alone, if it makes you msierablet o be alone, then do your best to get together with your friends, meet new friends, get involved in more activities, get a boy friend, talk to people on the phone if you can't see them in person. send email to your friends and family. go volunteer someplace where there are a lot of other people, such as a hospital. If you need to be around people, then be around people.

Answer 8

instead of thinking of being alone try reading a good book i have been on my own for 22 years now and i cant see me ever meeting anyone else mind you i do enjoy my own company as there is no one to cause an argument only me in which case i win both ways

Answer 9

Im going through the same thing and have been for the last few years...I feel your pain also.......I feel like im missing out on my youth also not able to enjoy myself..Do you feel the same....??? Well what i do i just go with the flow i hope that everything will work out...and i also study wicca it helps.

Answer 10

hi there,you ain't the only one many people suffer from depression and lonliness.I would advise seeing a doctor asap.tell him what is happening,he will probly put u on anti-deppresants which help a bit and if you need it he may arrange for u to see a psychologist or a counsellor.but seek help fast because depression is dangerous.