Crush on my best mate?

Question

I am an 18 year old male and have a massive crush on my best mate. We've been best friends for a few years now but for most of that time I've been completely in love with him. We used to get on really well but of late we argue quite a lot (especially when drunk) and I can sense us drifting a bit. I don't want to drift. I want him to know I like him but don't want to run the risk of losing him. I know this is all unhealthy and I would probably be much happier if I backed off but I love him so much and would hate to live without him. Whenever I think of him being with anyone else (sexual way) I feel completely depressed and hurt - and results in us arguing about something random because I'm so annoyed with him. What can I do? He is straight and think I am too but obviously I'm not. I want him to love me back the way I love him but it's just not happening, even though I think there is a chance we could, I don't know how though... HELP! Anyone had a similar story and what happened?

I don't think he is homophobic...the other day he was talking about how he heard it was a good atmosphere in gay bars and how he thought some gay people were a laugh. But I still don't want him to think his best mate is gay AND likes him. Maybe it's something for the future. But it kills me to think about him being with someone else. I am very straight acting so that's why he think I'm straight too. I think he is really comfortable with his sexuality rather than being hiding a secret of his own. I look up to him a lot, admire him. I don't want to lose him. Don't know what to do, if there is even anything I can do!

Answer 1

if he is stright you need to move on. if you come on to him you could lose him as a friend them he wont be in your life at all.

Answer 2

Hi,

God, this must be hell on Earth for you! Unrequited love is a nightmare - especially when your love is directed towards a member of the same sex who, as far as you know, is straight. I've been there at least twice!

When you are in love with somebody so much, you can often read into things too much and convince yourself that they feel the same. This is what happened with me and a woman I worked with last year. Then one of my lovely colleagues told her how I felt once I had left the company. After that, she suddenly stopped texting me. I was left wishing that she didn't know, as at least we would still be friends. But on the other hand, if she hadn't found out and stopped contacting me, I would probably still be pining over her now.

You say your friend is straight, and you haven't mentioned that he has given you any clear signs that he might feel the same way. I think this is a really difficult situation for you... but I don't think you should say anything.

I think you need some space from him. Can you get away for a little while? Or hide away at home and make up an excuse to not see him for a week or two?

Unfortunately, I think you'll have to let this one go. I think it's going to be too hard for you to keep seeing him. Eventually you'll end up telling him how you feel when you're drunk and that might be the end of the friendship. Even if he was fine with you being bisexual or gay, it's always a bit awkward when you find out a mate fancies you.

Also, you seem a bit unsure yourself whether you are actually gay/bi or not. What if you told him how you felt, and in a few months time felt completely different? You would have ruined your friendship for nothing. I think this crush on your best mate has happened to teach you something about yourself - it's up to you know whether you explore it a bit more and start looking for other guys to see if you are attracted to them.

I think the only reason your friendship is starting to drift is because there's a whole pressure cooker thing going on. You're picking fights with each other and you are becoming very upset over the situation. He probably wants things to just chill out. Which is why I think you should get some space, and then start again fresh.

I think you should start reading up on how you are feeling - read websites about homosexuality and bisexuality to help you understand yourself better. When you feel ready, go on a gay dating site and even just see what's out there. Trust me, you'll be amazed at how quickly you get over him once you realise that there's someone out there who you like even more, who is actually attainable.

Good luck!

xx Emmie

Answer 3

yea i kinda had sumthen similar just a few years bak, but trust me, nuthing good can come from it and the end result s heartache, pain and the loss of a mate

i kinda had a thing in a big way for a mate of mine not that far back, and i knew he was straight, and whilst i tried to think in another way and get that outta my mind, it just wouldnt and eventually it just started to take over

but like the woman above suggested, i tried a few gay dating websites...man u would not believe the amount of hotties on there....theres a lodas of guys for u, no matetr how picky u are...want a straight acting guy?tall?older? everone and anyone can be found

try it out
straight people still have a hard time dealing with gay people, and can u imagine what he's going to think if u tell him...even if u tell him that your gay, he will freak...

this mate of mine was pretty homophobic, and in the end that's what motivated me to get over that...now and again i might wonder, but we're still the best of mates, and nobody is any wiser

if he is straight, there is no chance with him. your better off finding somebody that will get and understand your position than forever waiting for the slightest hope that something could happen.

good luck dude

Answer 4

Oh dear, you are in a conundrum ... I think that it's better to come clean to your mate, but that you should expect a certain reaction, I think he may want to distance himself from you for a while while he processes this information. If you and he have been good friends (without it being sexual) then there's not reason why you can't remain friends, but do understand that the dynamic of your relationship will be altered, so it won't be the same.

Take a risk. I think that anything's better than the turmoil you're in now.

Answer 5

i havent had the same expriance so i can only give friendly advic.... first of all there is absoulutly nothing wrong with bing gay..... scond you have to talk to him, if you fel scared or worried you should do it not in private but where people are around but not listning, like a park or shopping mall..... third if he is a good enough mat he shouldnt be botherd if you love him and if he is he is a **** and you ned to get over him.....forthly my E key is playing up so sorry for any spelling mistakes.....i cant be botherd to check it all

good luck!


lou
-----X-----

Answer 6

eek!! if hes not gay, then i dont think its going to happen mate. if he is the understanding sort, you could tell him the way you feel (perhaps not too heavily, leave out the love part perhaps) and just tell him you werent expecting the same response but you needed him to know. atleast that way, he will know to be more considerate with other potential partners around you and such. good luck xxx

Answer 7

well from what you say it doesn't seem to go anywhere
he is straight so you can't be a couple
but is it worth losing him for good???
i think you should just be friends as much as it hurts
sorry

Answer 8

He's straight. If you continue like this you will loose your best friend and gain nothing. Focus on someone who is accessible.

Answer 9

take the plunge cos it sounds like you are just drifting along now anyway...