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If part of your rite includes throwing shotgun shells on the fire. If the bell on your altar was ever worn by an animal in a pasture.
If the cakes and wine are done with a bowie-knife,a can of Lone Star's, and a twinkie.
If they chose their High Priestess at a wet t-shirt contest.
If when your priestess says"Blessed Be"in circle, you respond with "YEEE-HAW!"
If you bought your chalice at the Piggly Wiggly.
If you buy your incense and candles at Wal-Mart.
If you call the God and Goddess by hollerin' "Hey, y'all! Watch me!"
Iif you can play the "Burning Times" on the banjo.
If you carry your ritual sword in your pickup's gun rack.
If you found out your familiar is an opossum-and still ate it.
If you have combined Maypole Dancing/ Tractor Pull/ Turkey Shoot for Beltane.
If you have cast a love spell on livestock.
If you have ever called the National Enquirer because you raised a potato that resembled the Willendorf Goddess.
If you've ever cancelled a coven meeting to watch Pay-Per-View wrestling on TV.
If you've ever written a spell on the back of a Denny's menu.
If you have ever refilled your chalice from a keg.
If you sacrifice BBQ and pork rinds on an altar made of old car hoods.
If you shoot guns into the air when the priestess says,"the circle is open but never unbroken".
If you think a "family tradition" is a dating club.
If you've ever done a candle spell for your local high-school football team.
If you've ever meditated to "Dueling Banjos".
If you've reached the 3rd Degree but not the third grade.
If your God statue looks a little too much like Elvis.
If your Goddess picture says "Miss September"at the bottom.
If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod.
If your altar cloth says"Holiday Inn"or"Howard Johnson's".
If your ceremonial chalice says"Budweiser"on it.
If your ceremonial garb consists of cut-offs and a tube-top.
If your circle dance contains the words"dosey-do".
If your coven chose its High Priest at a belching contest.
If your coven's secret names for the God and Goddess are "Cooter"and"Sweet Cheeks".
If your coven-stead is propped up on cinder blocks.
If your craft name starts with "Bubba".
If your favorite Great Rite partner is your first, second, and third cousin.
If your backyard ritual libation is brewed in an illegal backyard still.
If your ritual music has ever included Johnny Cash singing "Ring of Fire".
If your robes are made out of denim with Harley Davidson patches.
WHY,YOU MUST JES’ Gotta BE A PAGAN REDNECK!

2007-04-01 08:34:12 · 8 answers · asked by Terry 7 in Society & Culture Mythology & Folklore

If anyone doesn't know. I am a Pagan and the above is for fun. Also I posted this at about 2 this morning and I figured y'all might enjoy it today in M&F

2007-04-01 08:35:47 · update #1

8 answers

Dude... I have actually been called a "Hillbilly Heathen" by some folk.

You might be a Red-Neck Heathen if...

... you've ever used an old engine block as stalli.
... your use a sledge hammer for hallowing.
... your blots end with the words "Ya'll come back now, Ya hear?"
... when you galdr, the hounds take to howling.
... your drinking horn and bolli have the word 'DIXIE' stamped on the bottom.
... you must stand back 20 feet away from the hearth fire 'cause your mead is distilled to 200proof.

2007-04-01 08:52:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4 0

guilty of several. of thoes.

plus.

if your ceramonial robes are cammoflauge.

you think that a lucky tire iron is a great base for a wand.

your wand is carved from a sacred louisville slugger.

you have ever sobstituted a hood from a 72 NOVA for an altar after your coven accidently caught your wooden one on fire.

you think that a Jhon Deere tractor is a perfectly natural way to raise your standing stones.

your full moon rituals start by calling the corners

North

East,

South,

and

OVER YONDER.

2007-04-01 09:18:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4 0

So mote it be y'all!

And you left out:
If you have ever used your wand to open a bottle of beer...
If you have ever brought your cousin to Beltane ritual....
If instead of a torc your High Priest wears a John Deere ball cap...
If you refer to the Lord and the Lady as "Pa" and "Ma"...
And,
If your libations are passed around in a clay jug....

Bright Blessings )O(

2007-04-01 16:53:29 · answer #3 · answered by Stephen 6 · 2 0

the neighbours I reckon also enjoy it when i make the circle of fire. a Huge bonfire of pallets. and i dance naked around it hollering holy molly Y'all
the great spirit of the Forest i know appreciates me for doing that last night.and has blessed me today with a CASE!! of beer
delivered today by mistake,already paid for.!! from the local liquor store,YEE HAW!!!!

2007-04-01 08:56:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

I resemble some of those...
Here's another...
If you've ever lit your incense with a blowtorch.

(I'm guilty)

HAHA! Lokasenna...

I'm guilty of a couple of those, too...
Sheesh.

2007-04-01 08:49:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 5 0

I stay the hell away from Christians and Pagans alike.

2007-04-01 08:38:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 7

I've come across this before, and it's still funny each time. thanks!

2007-04-01 08:44:00 · answer #7 · answered by kent_shakespear 7 · 2 0

if jeff foxworthy read this...he would sue

2007-04-01 08:37:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1 3

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