My son's father and I are not currently together and have been off and on for the past 18 months. He has lived with me the past 6 months or so. He has not contributed financially most of the past 18 months. He is also not great about thinking about "family time". He likes to go out with his friends ( who do not have any major resposibilities) and fights spending time with me. He has the potential to become a great father and husband but I do not think he is willing to put the effort that is needed right now. Should I wait it out and try to help him grow into the person he could be, or give up and cut my losses?
2007-04-01 04:55:10 · 11 answers · asked by powrgurl5k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Cut your losses, sweetie. You will NEVER mold him into the man that you think he can be. He will have to do it himself, and if having a child didn't make him grow up any, you're not going to either. Sorry.
2007-04-01 04:58:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
And you say he has the potential to be a great father, why??? On what grounds do you base this?????. What you have said here just emphasizes the fact that he is still a baby.
With a child, you went from being the babe, and hottie, to mom and homemaker, and he went from being the stud and dude, to father and partner.....Always tough, even in a rock solid marriage, which you didn't have....
You have moved into your role, he has not---he's still the single, uncommitted hot dude..... And it ain't gonna be any time soon that he will be anything else, obviously, since he still prefers the guys to you. You could wait years, hon. Since you aren't married, take the guy to court, and get some child support, then cut your losses, and move on with your life. Then, don't have any more children by men with whom you are not married. And straighten out our life. If you have the smarts, and haven't finished school, do that. From my mom:
1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry.... choose wisely.
2. Make me a mother in law before you make me a grandmother. And should you choose to have children, have no more than you yourself can support. A marriage license is not a lifetime meal ticket.
3. Finish your education, and qualify for well paying jobs. It is likely you will work sometime during your life --- maybe for decades. Get paid for it
4. Have a stash of cash even if you know you will never need it. You absolutely will, and the more the better.
Thank you mom for this conversation sooooo many years ago. I have a lovely life because of you. I love you for this gift of sage words.
Good luck, hon
2007-04-01 12:10:19 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question, "I don't think he is willing to put forth the effort that is needed right now". In realty, why should he? You have given him the perfect life, he doesn't have to contribute financially, eats when he wants-and probably what he wants, cause your trying to win him over and please him, sex when he wants it, no responsibilities at all. You know what MEN say" why buy the cow when you can drink the milk free? Well i say , "why buy the whole pig, for just one piece of sausage.!!! Get on with your life---There are better men out there....
2007-04-01 12:07:26 · answer #3 · answered by mssgtmidnight1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i totally understand what u are going through. i am going through the same thing with my husband/childs father. we got married in november and we have been split for three weeks. he left.....says he doesnt know what he wants, and hasnt came back. Life sux doesnt it?? men need to grow up. Everyone keeps telling to move on, and if he really and truly cares, then he'll want to come back eventually. but it might just be too late when he finlly wakes up. hang in there, but dont be taken advantage of. (honestly, i dont think that men ever grow up) and they let their friends with no responsibilities influence them! if u need to talk, u can email me anytime!
2007-04-01 13:14:36 · answer #4 · answered by marye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do, a time consuming process. I think you should cut your losses, your son deserves better.
2007-04-01 12:01:03 · answer #5 · answered by Mark in Boulder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give up and cut your losses,your sons childhood is a precious short time,enjoy that.
2007-04-01 11:59:32 · answer #6 · answered by RAINBOW 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well lets see here...
you didn't wait to get married
you didn't wait to get pregnant
you didn't wait to pick a mature man to father your child
What makes us think you will wait for the child's father to grow up? I think you will ditch him, call him a dead beat dad, shack up with another man, have another child, and repeat.
Honey there is no giving up/cutting your loses/wiping the slate clean. Your life is what it is. You have two kids.
2007-04-01 12:02:20 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Run.
He needs a wake-up call. Hope he hears it and figures it out.
2007-04-01 12:31:27 · answer #8 · answered by heathrydge 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
work on him quietly and with the intent to get him to adjust to family needs!!!
2007-04-01 16:47:01 · answer #9 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he sounds pretty irresponsible right now... if you leave him, maybe he will know what he is losing? try it
2007-04-01 11:59:53 · answer #10 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋