is this being done to mess up my head or is she just sick?

Question

been seperaterd a few months from my wife at her insistence.off and on things have been bad/good.things have been good recently.had my 2 kids away for the weekend last week.
anyway got a call from her at 3am thus morn telling me how she didn't want to be horrible to me and started playing our first song at our wedding down the phone and asked me to go up to hers.i said i could'nt but went up in morning and took my kids to school and nursery and kept them til late evening.
on fri night she takes home a guy she works with and obviously he spends the night.
as you might guess my head is spinning with emotions and don't know where the hell my ex is coming from i have decided to do all i can to blank her out my life but it is difficult with the kids.

Answer 1

That day she phoned you at 3am and played that song, she was probably drunk. She was playing with you emotionally and testing you. Have you heard of emotional blackmail?
When she spent the night with that guy she wasn't thinking about you. This might not be the first or last time she does this. You should move on and find a new life with someone else who will appreciate you and trully love you. It's obvious she doesn't love you anymore. She insisted on separating, that should give you a clue. As well, would you be able to go back to her knowing she has slept with another guy?
You might have been separated but you are still married.
Word of advice: File for divorce and move on. I know it's going to be hard since you have kids but it's better this way.

Answer 2

Oh, poor you, this sounds really nasty.

I think that your wife is really confused and is messing with your head. She wants to know that you still love her but she also wants her freedom. To use an old adage, she wants to have her cake and eat it.

Obviously you can't cut her out of your life, as you have kids together (and bloody hats off to you for being such a good dad!), but you have to make sure that this behaviour stops. When she rang you and played 'your song' she was probably drunk and lonely - I wouldn't take it too seriously, but I would say to her that this cannot continue. Give her a time limit (e.g. 3 months) to decide what she wants. If she wants you back then fine, maybe you can work it out. On the other hand, if she doesn't that's fine too, but she then needs to accept that you can't be treated like this and she needs to respect your boundaries.

I wish you all the best. It sounds as though you are doing brilliantly. Blessed be.

Answer 3

From a womans point of view this woman still is in love with you....seems to me she is playing games but only to get you back into her life.....the fact that she brought a guy home from work really means nothing as she was probably trying to boost her own ego and even make you jealous..perhaps you cheated on her in the past and she felt the need to get you back.... this style of opperating helps no one and in the long run everyone gets hurt..what i think is that you both need to sit down and really figure out what both of you want..this needs to be done with no drugs or alcohol on board...also if you both really dont want to be together as a couple or cant be together in a healthy way then remember your kids and what is best for them..

Answer 4

She's got problems and you are better off without her. She might be playing with you and stringing you along so that she has a babysitter at her beck and call. With you mixed up because of her actions, it will be hard for you to cut the apron strings and get on with your life. If she really was having second thoughts about your separation, she would not be seeing other guys. Be strong.

Answer 5

Sounds as if she is just checking she could have you back if she chose to,she is obviously very mixed up bring another guy into this situation.Stay strong for the kids don't take the bait on such games.

Answer 6

One of two things, either she doesn't know what she wants or she is trying to have her cake and eat it too.

Whatever her reasons, this is not healthy for you or your children. You need to let her know in no uncertain terms that she can't treat you this way.

She needs to decide if she wants to work on her marriage or be single. It is not fair for her to play games with your feelings.

Let her know if you would like to work on the marriage, but don't let her keep you on the back burner just in case her single life doesn't work.

Answer 7

When somebody behaves crazy making and good thing to do is understand how their mind works. Your wife may lack empathy and so her behavior looks crazy to you. If you discuss it with her she will not get a word of it. Your right, you need to stay in contact with the kids. Understand her mind process and this should make your future contact more bearable.

Answer 8

go and talk to her make sure that the children are in bed or at least visiting relatives
it would seem that you are willing to move on but she wont let you
ask her how she would feel if you were in another relationship
and as the mother of your children tell her that you are concerned about her one night stands and how it will potentialy affect the children
but you must realise that this is your life and if you do move on you musnt let her hold you back with emotianal blackmail
best of luck to you

Answer 9

Shes got issues to deal with mate, and it's way too bad the kids are in the midst of it. You're probably in for a wobbly trip for a while then. Good luck!

Answer 10

Some women are complicated and rather twisted and manipulative. I don't know why this is but they are much more capable of control and manipulation than us men. Be honest with her and if you don't get a straight and honest response Start over and try to be there for your kids. I made a fool of myself trying to patch up my marriage. My ex is now a lonely and unhappy woman but still trying to control other people.