Please, without being mean, why can't I my boyfriend and I get over each other when we are very unhappy?

Question

We have been together for 2 years and we fight and dislike each other 90% of the time. We are going to counseling and trying to make it work, even though we both feel like its hopeless, yet neither one of us will give up. Seriously it so bad that we can only tolerate maybe one day a week with each other. the rest of the time we hate each other. Yet as much as we break up, we always get back together. It makes me feel crazy, but then I wonder why he doesn't give up either. What is wrong with us, why can't we just let it go? Why do we put in so much effort?

Why are we driving each other nuts?

Answer 1

Bad Habit? That's what I finally decided about my 3 year relationship that went south. Bad habit and addicted to the drama. Just a thought.

Answer 2

I know it seems scary to just cut each other off cold turkey. But if you don't do that, you will spend the rest of your lives fighting. You can't expect to all of a sudden be in a mature relationship with him - you both know how to push each other's buttons and if you think you're fighting now, just wait until you are married and things get really tough. Because they will. Think of this as a stepping stone and something that is preparing you for a future HAPPIER relationship. I promise, it's not supposed to be that difficult. You will know when you're with the right person. The most important thing about being with someone is to make sure that they bring out the best version of you. You said that this relationship makes you feel crazy... spend your time with a guy that makes you feel on top of the world. It's hard to walk away, but you have to be the strong person here. Everyone goes through this, you are definitely not alone. Just understand it sooner rather than later. You will find love again, I promise.

Answer 3

Honey, misery loves company.

Bottom line, neither of you know what a healthy relationship is. But then who does these days. You both recognize that you shouldn't and can't be together. If yo uare unhappy 90% of the time, then you need to move on. Trust me there is someone out there that will only make you miserable like 40-50% of the time.

Seriously, no relationship is perfect but when the bad outweighs the good, it's time to dip. Since you two seem to be addicted to the roller coster, stop taking his calls and seeing him, change the things you do and your life will change.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Cut all ties and move on. You will both be better off.

Answer 4

Maybe the love far outweighs the hate.

But the way I see it, it is not hate per se. Both of you are dreaded by the thought of finally going to your separate ways.

Whatever the outcome of this hate- love, love-hate stance will depend on the level of tolerance both of you could muster.

Why not take a break and try to cool off, I mean not going to see each other for a month or two, for you to relax your nerve and to make your own revisiting, reassessment, reexamining, and reevaluation in order to resolve with finality such kind of relationship you have been sharing for 2 years.

Answer 5

You both love each other, but just don't know how to resolve conflict. You need to know if what you are fighting about is worth it. Try not to fight over the little things, and concentrate on ways to resolve the bigger things you fight about. Sometimes people fight to get their way in the relationship. A relationship takes two people, if one wins over a situation but this leaves the other one sad, then you both lose. Your goal in resolving conflict should not be to win an argument, but to come to a compromise so that each of you end up wining. Otherwise, it is a no win situation. Best of luck to you both.

Answer 6

You need to take a break and stay away from each other for at least 45 days then and only then will you know if you are meant to be together! Give it a try you have nothing to lose!!!! remember its JUST a time OUT?

Answer 7

You guys have to want to change to make progress and get along. We can control our attitudes and moods if we really want to. The decision is up to you. Quit picking fights w/each other, saying hurtful things, and don't sweat the small stuff. Even if it's just you, change your attitude and see what happens with his. Show him some more affection, kindness, and appreciation. You put in effort because you truly care about each other. You choose to drive each other nuts...make some changes, and stick to them, and make them part of your daily life.

Answer 8

Because unless someone is really mean to you, you still like having them around. It is hard to get used to being alone when you have spent this much time together. It is hard to start over. You should just sit down and talk it over and decide to stay friends but to move on. It will still hurt but it is the best thing to do.

Answer 9

Look, the truth is you love eachother, you want it to work cause you love eachother. Look, it's somethimes just how it works. Love and hate are so close to eachother that sometimes they are hard to tell the difference. Just enjoy the time together, and enjoy being apart. It's cool, sometimes being to close isn't good. I say role with it. Or you can allways try talking but that could end in a fight. So if it comes down to talking, just try and look at it as though you are not yourself. It's hard but look at it like you're someone else. Otherwise, just stick with it.

Answer 10

Well... i don't know you guys.. but i dont think i need to. That is classic co-dependancy. Which is really (dont get mad) just weakness. You run back to the familliar because that's easier then moving on and finding someone new. You might also actually love each other but just both be real assholes haha. Sorry. That's the way I see it.