Do u like my poem?

Question

As I am sitting there in my class room, people shouting in my ear, being nasty, I sit and think of the stories I have heard from war!
Bombs flying over head just like the paper airoplanes dashing towards my desk, all the tears of sorrow, that I hide inside are leaking onto one peice of paper like the blood from a wounded soldier, all the bodies all around from the passed classes strike me down!
Now as I lay there on the floor, I am reminded of all the blood and gore!!

Answer 1

1) It would be very very nice if u made some improvements
2) Get rid of the punctuation; it spoils the effect
3) Split it up into verses/paragraphs to show the different thoughts-Perhaps one paragraph for the thoughts in your classroom, one for the description of war, and one for the thoughts back in your classroom
4) Your poem is very descriptive and vivid. Write on! Best of luck in your writing career!

Answer 2

The whole thing is rather ponient, but I question why, whats it all about, if you are that unhappy, its time to do something about it, like move schools, or speak to someone about the lack of control within a classroom setting. I have a daughter who suffered from bullying, its left scars, do not let it happen to you. Or have I got the wrong message here???

Answer 3

Good content! It gets a bit confusing and kind of unravels toward the end... but, keep on writing with antiwar messages!
PEACE.

Answer 4

Interesting theme, but it reads like an essay. Keep at it though.

Answer 5

Hi,
That's not a poem!! Think you are being bullied by the sound of that one...xx

Answer 6

People are saying that you're reciting gibberish but your poem makes sense.

Answer 7

Somewhat sad but It has potential.

Answer 8

I think you should stick to your day job at the checkout counter.

Answer 9

You need your head examined.

Answer 10

very deep and moving!