If your having problems with your spouse, would you go out?

Question

I just wrote about husband having a affair and my answers were awsome! Thanks for everyone who answered my 1st post. When my husband told me Friday 3/30/07 that he had a affair 2 years ago he went out Friday night and never came back until Sat morning when it was time for me to go to work. Then awhile ago when I got off after working 10 hours, he was putting his belt on and went back out again. I thought when two people love each other no mater what they try to work things out. Would you go out and stay if you told you spouse you loved them so much. It all started 3 weekends ago, I work everyother weekend so weekend 1 he went out and never came home until Sun, weekend 2 he went out of town to some drag race came home sat for 5 min left and I didn't see him until sun morning, he picked his son up was gone about 4 hrs, came back for 2 min and I didn't see my husband until Monday when it was time for me to go back to work. And now, Iam on this computer crying my eyes out. Should I give up

Answer 1

I have been through something similar to this. He is making it feel like its your fault, and he is avoiding you, when it should be the other way around! Its the men are from mars, women are from venus thing.
He is actually feeling very ashamed, he cant deal with it and he cant deal with how much he has hurt you, so it is easier for him to just hide it and avoid you. Its totally different to the way we would deal with it if the situation were reversed.
Tell him how this is making you feel (I find writing them a letter is best cos you get your feelings clear instead of just crying, and also they cant interrupt).
Maybe some couple counselling would help in the extreme case, but just him knowing how this is making you feel may help make him aware of what he is doing.
With the writing the letter, it also helps to write at the end what you are hoping for from him. (Make it a loving letter, not an accusing letter).
Good luck!

Answer 2

I wish there were words that could console you but experience shows that it isn't so. First, just try to get hold of your emotions. I don't think you were talking about "you" going out but wanted to know if there were problems would "he" go out. That answer is up to the individual. How did you take it when he told you about the affair he had? If you showed a great amount of hurt, he could feel so bad that he doesn't know how to face you. Did you forgive him? If so, he is probably going out and doing it again because he got away with it with no consequences. You said yourself that when two people love each other they can work it out. If only one is in love, it is a hopeless cause that will only drag you down to a point that is hard to overcome. Don't let your emotions take control of the situation. Get you head on straight and think this thru and take some action. You have so many options if only you think of them. You can't do that if your upset.

Answer 3

#1 I don' t think there is EVER an excuse for cheating. If it was me I would tell him your going to leave if he can't treat you with the respect you deserve. It's one thing to have a guys night out, but it's completely another thing not call or show up. It's never happened to me yet, but I swear my husband's stuff would be out of the house faster than you say seperation.
If you don't set your boudaries then he won't follow them. I'm very sorry that your not getting the love you deserve. So to answer your question, no I would not go out.

Answer 4

Yes!!! He's physically telling you that he doesn't want you anymore, because most men don't have the guts to say whats on their minds. They expect for you to just get it and that's is that. I would have his things packed at the door(outside) and let him go. Why let him hurt you, you don't deserve it, especially w/ no explanation. It just makes it a little harder because of the marriage. But don't be surprise if he shows up w/ divorce papers. Get him 1st b/4 he gets you!!!

Answer 5

That's very suspicious behavior! I would change the locks on the door and tell him that he can't come back until he is willing to work on the marriage. That's if you want to work on it. Personally I would call it quits. The way he has been behaving is not the way someone who truly loves you would behave. You are worth more than that! You deserve someone who will treat you right and really love you!!!

Answer 6

It sounds to me like he wants you to leave him. Why tell you now after all of this time? And now insted of being remorseful he is going out and acting like he doesn't give a damn about you. I wouldn't put up with this for one more minute. Have a talk with him and see if he wants out because this is how he is acting in my opinion. If he does it sounds to me like you are better off. Good luck.

Answer 7

it doesn't sound like he wants to work things out and it takes 2 to make things work you can't do it alone. i think you should leave because in all honesty from what you have said it doesn't sound like he gives a damn about you and thats not fair to you. i wish you the best with whatever you decide to do just remember to stay strong and look for brighter days. good luck :)

Answer 8

Only you can answer that one, I'm afraid to say!
But I would suggest getting a 3rd party perspective involved, like a marriage counselor!
I would also suggest you put limits on him or destroy the CHEATER!

I personally hate them!
I cheated and I sometimes hate myself because of the harm I did!
You need to try and find out where your at emotionally before you do anything .
I SAID IT BEFORE, I'LL SAY IT AGAIN YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, SO DRY YOUR EYES PLEASE AND TRY AND REMEMBER YOUR PERFECT, AND HE'S A CHEATER!

Answer 9

he seems to be avoiding u, and any confrontation. yes if people love each other they would want to work it out. what he is doing is hurting u, he is either trying to get u to leave or hoping u will want to leave. he is doing nothing at all to save the marriage, won't even find the time to talk to u.

Answer 10

Don't go out yet...Wait until your situation is resolved (by either marriage counselor or divorce)..You will only drag this mess into the next situation..Be patient and you will get what you want and deserve...Good luck