I guess I wasn't really clear but we do have children and he did confess to me later that it had been an ongoing thing that had lasted months. He says they both initiated it . Things had been changing in our marriage so much and I didn't understand why. My husband had become so angry and we would argue a lot which caused me to stay out of the house a lot. Also she drank a lot and they would dring together occasionally. This night happened to be on of those drinking nights. After the fact he had explained to me that she had been telling him I was having an affair with an old boyfriend. I don't uderstand why he did not talk to me about it then. She on the other hand doesn't know that he told me about the prolonged relationship between the two of them. She claims she was to drunk to know what she did to make me not talk to her and it bothers me that she wants to continue to hide what they did.
2007-03-31 18:00:14 · 12 answers · asked by just because 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
All I can say is wow... any mother who would engage in such horrific behavior, well I'm pretty certain she must not have been much of a good mother growing up. In fact it very well might be true that some of the poison she gave you (instead of loving mothering) while you were being raised might have contributed to why you would end up picking a man like this.
Alright, I always advise that if there's children in the picture you should make them the focus of importance in the decision and try to set your emotions aside. In many cases, infidelity can be worked out, but only under the conditions that the spouse who cheated is honestly repentant, fully aware of the terrible damage he/she has done and is willing to work like crazy to make the relationship work and to restore (in a loooong period of time) trust. Also you as the one who was cheated on have to be able to truly forgive him.
However, in a case such as this where your own mother was actively trying to destroy your marriage (because she was jealous of her daughter? Because she wanted to feel young again? Because she's an alcoholic who's addicted to chaos? I don't know her motivation and really it doesn't matter: this woman is poison) I have to question whether the damage that she's done to you growing up has the effect that you've chosen to marry not just a weak man but a truly flawed one who you and the children would be better off without.
Only you can determine that. He could just be weak willed, prone to anger easily, prone to make bad decisions under alcohol... I don't know that there's enough excuses for him. I'm really not sure you should ever take this guy back. An affair is one thing (and a terrible thing) but to cheat with your own mother?!! What does that say about this guy? He sounds like a major scumbag.
Do NOT take him back just because you are lonely. You should view this whole situation through the prism of 'what's best for the children'. Probably the best thing as that you get a divorce, but I can't say that. You should seek counseling and try to determine the best course of action.
As to your mother, she has lost the right to call herself by that title. You should cut off all contact with her, forever. This woman is evil in a way I almost can't comprehend. Regardless if you decide in the future to speak to her again, I believe very sincerely that you would be putting your children in harm's way if you let this woman have any contact with them. I mean that. In fact you have a duty as a mother to protect them from predators such as your mother obviously is. CUT OFF CONTACT FROM HER NOW!!
I feel for your situation and I wish you the very best of luck, God bless you and your children in this difficult time.
2007-03-31 18:16:44 · answer #1 · answered by Jon S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would bet you feel very alone right now because the two people that is suppose to love you most did the UNFORGIVABLE. I know you have kids with the man but honestly if he stooped so low as to sleep with your mother do you think he will hesitate sleeping with someone else? Seems like your mother has some more growing up to do too. He would love for you to forgive him, but in his heart he will never respect you for it. Do you think he would have forgiven you?
2007-03-31 18:18:56 · answer #2 · answered by Truth Hurts 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All three of you need help!
You for the affair that you discoverd!
him for being a cheater and hurting you!
her for being a sh*theat bit*h of a mother who wants to be a homewresker!
2007-03-31 18:46:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go on the Jerry Springer show. Your mother is a drunken whore and your husband is a creep. Both of them are worthless. How can you stand to be around either of them?
2007-03-31 18:04:28 · answer #4 · answered by notyou311 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your Mother and Husband a really low, What kind of mother would do this to her daughter, What kind of Husband would do this to their wife? I would not try to hide what they did, I would shame them and let people know, They have broken your trust and its sick what they did. I would divorce him and break off all contact with your mother.
2007-03-31 18:06:55 · answer #5 · answered by I Like Grapes 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All I'll say is Good-luck in this wholeMess and to Pray a LOT!
2007-03-31 18:07:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two need to go to counseling to find out.
Both of them are blaming it on the bottle - that's just bogus.
2007-03-31 18:03:36 · answer #7 · answered by Thomas K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to speak with a professional.
2007-03-31 18:03:48 · answer #8 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
None of that changes my response (to your other post).
2007-03-31 18:17:39 · answer #9 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have yourself a royal mess.... kick them both to the side and tell them to get help. you are on your own sweetie.
2007-03-31 18:04:42 · answer #10 · answered by Tooling~guy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋