My husband just told me he had a affair?

Question

Every spring my husband starts acting funny. He goes out and don't come home at night and says "I don't know if I want to be married anymore". We've been married for 4 years and every year I go though this. For the past 2 weekends my husband hasnt been coming home. We got into it the other day and I begged him to tell me whats going on because he kept on telling me that he done something. Finally he told me 2 years ago he had a affair. He wouldnt tell me who or how long. I've been nothing but faithfull with this man. He blames me because I don't cook and keep the house clean all of the time. I do work full time and we have 2 kids. I aggree with him on trying to be a better wife but did I deserve to be cheated on. Iam so hurt. After we had that talk he tried to be nice to me but he acted like nothing was wrong. My kids are starting to notice my pain and I can't but them though that. After I was told this he went out Friday and didn't come home until today, and now he gone again tonite

Answer 1

That must be horrible. I'm sorry you are going through this. First off, no more sex. (that one is obvious) Secondly, decide if you want to stay with him or not. (I wouldn't...he sounds like he will do it again) If you can't afford to support your kids on your own then use this time to go to school so you can further your career. (if needed) Act normal during this time, even if it takes a few years. Also, don't feel bad if you cheat on him during this period because he obviously doesn't respect your marriage anyways. Good LUCK!!!!

Answer 2

No! You don't deserve to be cheated on. If this behavior has been going on lately, deep down you know there's more to this than the one affair he did admit to. You work and take care of your children. Where does he come into the equation? He thinks he can just go out and come home whenever he feels like it? That's not right. Never let him convince you that it's your fault! Don't allow the pain this man is causing you to affect your mood around the children. Regardless if you love him or not, you've done your part. You've remained monogamous, worked, and took care of the children for years. You sound like a responsible woman who most definitely deserves better.

Obviously he thinks by being nice and playing the "Everything is Alright Game" will allow him to do whatever he wants. Don't stand for that. There's no excuse for cheating. Your too good for that. You and your children deserve better. I would move on and start a new life. Yes, I know it's easier said than done. This pain doesn't have to go on. He will realize his mistakes once he's seen what he lost in you.

I'm terribly sorry for what you're going through. I wish you nothing but the best of luck...

Answer 3

My wife of 7 years (known each other for 9) had a 14 month affair with a guy from her work. I repeatedly called her on it, but she absolutely denied it. After the affair was over, she finally admitted to it. I asked her to leave to get my head straight and after 6 weeks, she decided that she should start dating again. We have a young child who now splits time between us. She now has a live-in boyfirend, who also is a father of a few kids. His marriage ended because he had an affair.

Not a day goes by that I wonder if I did or am doing the right thing by asking her to leave. It's a process that you have to fight through. I say "fight" because it isn't easy. Try reading "After the Affair", as it may help out.

You didn't deserve to be cheated on and in my opinion, if he wasn't happy, there are many other things that he could have done other than that.

You don't have a specific question...what should you do tonight, for the marriage, for your kids or for yourself. You've had an extreme blow to everything that you've believed in and now you need to take care of getting yourself right in order to take care of your children.

Answer 4

Your anger is understandable. But, you're stuck, aren't you? You've got two kids, you work yourself to death all week, then have to do all the housework in addition to listening to your husband whine about not being sure if he wants to be married or not. And, you probably can't afford to just kick him out because, well, there are debts and payments, etc.

You probably can't just kick his sorry self across the street at this point, but you can start the process. Reduce your fixed costs as much as possible, and start putting as much money away as you can. Ask around for a competent divorce attorney that won't charge an arm and a leg. Or, seek mediation services through a paralegal firm that can help you do it yourself.

You sound like a strong, honorable woman that deserves much better than this. But, even if you can't find anything better, I think you're better off raising your kids in a positive environment than trying to live with this loser.

Answer 5

You absolutely DO NOT deserve this! I don't care how much you slack on the cooking and the cleaning, if you are raising 2 children and holding down a job, he should be chipping in with the housework as much as you are. As for what he is doing...you need to be done with this man. There is no excuse for a married man to go out and be gone for days on end with no word as to where he is or when he'll be home, it just DOESN'T happen. He's most likely cheating, because if he's done it once he'll do it again, and he obviously doesn't care very much about his marriage or his family, so you might need to think seriously about setting your affairs in order and living on your own with your children. He's not worth your time or your effort.

Answer 6

Do you think you deserve this treatment? No matter what he says, there is no excuse for him to cheat.Like he can't clean or cook, he must be out of his d*mn mind.
You can't let him keep getting away with this or he'll think you'll just sit back and accept it.Tell that man that you won't put up with his foolishness anymore and it's not fair to you or your kids for him to keep acting this way. If your not in a position to leave him (financially or not having a place to go) just say that from now on expect the same treatment from you that he sends your way. Then one night let him stay there with the kids all night not knowing where you are or what your doing. Let him see just what you go through.That should turn his a** around. If not, it's time to let that man go. And when you go out, i'm not telling you to cheat, hang out with your friends,spend the night at one of there houses. There's no need to bring yourself down to his level.
Good Luck,and I hope everything works out.

Answer 7

okay why are you still with this man. look at it this way you have two kids and why do you wont your kids to think that's the why a marriage should be like the man go out on the weekend and dint come home that's not right. what if that's was your daughters husband that did that to her what would you do tell her that's everything okay **** that. and about the house hold work that's his job as well as yours. your not the only one living in that house. and you also have to look at this way as well when your unhappy your kids are unhappy too your kids feel what you feel not the male in house. then you also have to look at it this way nowadays this world have enough disease in the world who's too say that he didn't give you something already you have too think of your health while hes out there sticking his dick into everything. would you leave when he give you something. that will be stupid if you leave then. look into your kids faces and say i need to be around for them and **** him. i just say don't be stupid right now he thinks he got the best of both worlds. he has a wife at home and a whoe in the streets. and believe me hes not the only man out there for you. it will take time to find him but you have to let this one you have now go.

Answer 8

He's a cheat!
I was a cheat, and cheat want everything, without consequences!
Your husband did wrong and your enabling him doesn't help the situation because when he feels thins are out of place he can cheat and all will be okey, because your going to forgive him!

TAKE IT FROM A CHEAT, THIS WILL SNOWBALL INTO SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN'T GET OVER UNTIL YOU CONFRONT HIM ON HIS BEHAVIOR!

He will continue till your completely destroyed and the children security is shattered!
You both need help, you for your pain and finding out if this marriage is salvageable.
Him for his selfish behavior!
Now I want you to read this clearly and plainly and draw strength from it if you can: "YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, THIS IS HIS PROBLEM THAT HE HAS DECIDED TO PLACE ON YOUR SHOULDERS, AND NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS ACTIONS!
Get help please or this will happen again and the one who get hurt will be everyone in your family!

I say again that he's a cheater, and will try anything to avoid responsibility for his action!

I'm a cheater and trust me ,until I saw the damage done, and owned the responsibility I would still be cheating today!

Answer 9

Don't let your husband ruin your self-esteem. Take your children and get the heck out of there. The more you stay in that environment the more it's going to hurt you. You might not think you can make it on your own, but there is always a way to make it without your husband. It would be best for your children to see a happy loving mother than a sad and grumpy one. Think about the environment that you are putting your children in. Good Luck and there is always a way to make it through life.

Answer 10

He's cheated on you many times, doesn't sound like he wants to be married to you with his "I don't know" comments, and criticizes you for not doing enough when you are working full time and often acting as a single parent to your children!

He sounds like he's already checked out of the marriage with his comments to you that he doesn't want to be married anymore & and his running away/sleepovers. I don't think counseling will help with someone like that. He won't even accept responsibility for his affairs, but blames you! Believe me it has to do with his immaturity and failure to commit and nothing to do with you. No matter who he was married to, he would be cheating on her! I agree with all the others who say you should leave as soon as you possibly can!!!