Why do some people complain about being lonely but then they isolate themselves?

Question

Surely most of us know someone like that. Or maybe some of us behave like that.

Answer 1

The reason people feel lonely is because they isolate themselves, and the reason people isolate themselves is because they don't know how to handle other people. The loneliness is mostly in the mind.

Answer 2

Because having once (or more times) been hurt they are fearful and lack trust that people are behaving in an honest and genuine way. At least in isolation the person is with the one they think they truly know. Problem is that in relationships we often don't realize that our own behavior might cause others to protect themselves by not being who they genuinely are. Again fear I believe is the culprit.

Additionally some people have a habit of complaining and live in a world of "Ain't it awful?" This is usually an attention getting and topic monopolizing device.

I once found that taking a class on Interpersonal Communication was helpful. Additionally another type of communications class (believe it was a subject concerning English) taught me that I was somewhat passive/aggressive in my way of relating.

Learned that passive/aggressive behavior has a lot to do with thinking I'm supposed to "be nice," but my true feelings get in the way and my objections/resentments/negative reactions come through in a somewhat subtle way. In other words sometimes I could sound subtly sarcastic. Yet I was attempting or pretending to "be nice."

Did I give too much of an answer?

Answer 3

I think that people complain about being lonely, then isolate themselves because they are afraid of being rejected by others. I have a friend that is attractive, smart, can hold a decent conversation, but is lonely. She isolates herself because she has not met anyone that is interested in the stuff that she is interested in. There are a group of girls at work that are always inviting her out but, they all just want to hang out at bars with their guy "friends" who happen to be married and don't treat these girls with respect. So, she doesnt go out with them much because she feels that she is lonely but not that lonely. I think that she is afraid to put herself out there or she just doesn't know where to look anymore. She met this really nice guy and they were together for a while, then all of sudden he went from hot to cold and took off. She liked this guy from church and sort of the same thing happened. We spend time together, but I am married with small children who need alot of attention , so my time is limited. We will go the movies once in a while an maybe to the book store, but she has sort of given up on meeting someone. I try to keep her spirits up but, I am sure that it doesn't mean much from someone who has a partner and a family. Sorry for the long winded answer!

Answer 4

I believe that there are many people who collect others to just do things for them. I prefer to isolate myself from these types of so-called friends with their own personal agenda. There is one person I know who says that if I don't move, she will. She believes that any time spent in my company is a spiritual drain on her psyche. Maybe she really needs a therapist instead of another pack of cigarettes? Some people seem to enjoy the fact that others will isolate from them also. I really don't relish her company either. Some may just be afraid of constant rejections by others or their unsolicited opinions. I suppose Yahoo Answers is just as good or better as any friend these days. More like group therapy uno. It's so much easier to use the mouse to end the program than to show someone the door. IMing is another story and a little too personal sometimes. I prefer not to use it. An e-mail can give you more time to think about a response or to worry about what you said wrong also. I dunno, is isolation similar to autism? Maybe some people feel that their space is easily violated just by the presence of others and their personality type?

Answer 5

I think that it upsetting people feel that way. I suppose that they start just being lonely, and then become so introverted within themselves that they then start to remove themselves further and further from social circles. When that happens I think that they become so isolated that they feel that they can not relate to anyone, or that anyone will understand how they feeling at their point of depression.
But you know the saying that 'misery loves company', I think that if people are willing to be sympathetic to the needs of those around them, then at least these lonely people will know that someone cares for them.

Answer 6

It is very hard to find safe people. I am a 26 year old female and I found the first safe person in my entire life on Thursday. Thank God I found one because most people are not lucky enough to find even one. I was having a melt down and I called a 55 year old woman who drove to my house, picked me up and took me to her house for a few days. She listens, understands, and does not judge me. I have known her a little less than a year and as of Thursday she became the first safe person.
It is really hard when a person is in their own private hell to ask for help from another person. The world tells people to:
1. Don't talk about it.
2. Pretend nothing is wrong.
3. Get over it fast
4. If you can't get over it fast, at least look ashamed.
It is hard to reach out to people when the world is untrustworthy and there are so very few safe people.

Answer 7

Firstly, you have to think about the definition of "lonely". Normarily, it would mean a lack of people to associate with, but in this instance, it really means a lack of "want" to associate with other people. Don't forget that want and need are two totally seperate human requirements. On one hand, pensioners who are incapable of leaving the home are perhaps lonely for the reason of invalidity, but those that have the freedom of mobility may just wish to disassociate themselves with the outside world. Also, it is within human nature that people blame external sources for their unhappiness and alienation.

Answer 8

Previous answer is great. I feel lonley now but have not needed company a great many times in the past.

I have isolated myself at times simply to become creative or for the other reason that every time I have had a close friend they always seem to stab me in the back........mistrust stops us from reaching out to others and with good reason.

Folk only need you when they need a friend then they turn their backs when you need a friend. Self suffieciency helps us to cope with hardship and makes us stronger.

Answer 9

Some people have problems coping with other people. Others want to be a social butterfly, but are scared of rejection. I would introduce the person to some of your closest friends, preferably ones that are similar to the lonely person, and work my way up.

Answer 10

Loneliness isn't about a lack of people, its about not feeling connected. If you don't feel connected, you don't want to be there. There is nothing lonelier than being alone in a room full of people.

Loneliness comes from not being at home with yourself combined with an extremely judgemental culture which is why it is so prevalent in the USA.